Elliott39

Hi, introducing myself here. I'm a 39 year-old mom and wife who has struggled with relationship issues with my husband, recently realizing I am a controlling person. I have a young son, too. I am a worrier and like to micromanage. I think this is how I deal with anxieties of unaddressed traumas. Thinking I might have PTSD from some bad situations growing up in an alcoholic household.

I'm a newbie here and wanted to reach out to see if anyone else experiences this. I'm looking for resources (lots of stickies on here which are great!) Hesitant of going to an Al Anon meeting because my mom hasn't been drinking for 15-20 years, but I know the behaviors still exist.

Thanks in advance and look forward to hearing about others and their journeys.

Elliott39

tromboneliness

Al-Anon would be right up your alley, regardless of whether or not there's any drinking going on or whatever -- my "qualifier" has been sober since '96, but I still go to a meeting at least once a week, because it's not about her; it's about me getting myself straightened out! Stickies are good, this forum has a lot of people with a lot of recovery; ask questions, get answers, etc.

Control issues... hmmm -- we haven't got any of those, have we now?

Thanks for stopping by,

T

DesertEyes

Hello Elliot, and welcome to SoberRecovery

Goodness yes, I certainly do, and I know it's a response to the way I was raised by alcoholics.

Al-anon is open to anybody whose life has been _affected_ by somebody else's drinking. There is no mention at all of a time limit. If you shop around the al-anon meets in your area you will find that some of them specialize in ACoA issues. The al-anon meets I attend have at least _half_ the members who are there for ACoA "stuff".

I have not been in a relationship with an addict in ten years. I go to al-anon because it helps me with relationships _today_.

Mike

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Elliott!!

Kialua

Hi Elliott39. Can relate. I am much older than you and have had a fairly drama free life but still have episodes of PTSD. My husband has adapted to this by not startling me, so when he is going to make a noise like throwing an empty box down the steps he yells, "noise" and throws it. I really appreciate it. If he forgets and tosses something I jump and my heart races and I will let out a scream. I try to talk myself down but it just takes time. My alcoholic dad used to rage and throw things and then come and find me to beat up, severely. I've written more about my experiences in the blog found under my name to the left which you are welcome to browse through. Hope you enjoy your journey here.

PurpleWilder

Ya know, have you considered Codependents Anonymous? It can sure help with the worrying, micromanaging and other issues you mentioned. Maybe Al-Anon and CODA together?

Just an idea....

tromboneliness

Ha -- we all have our triggers, us ACOA's. My wife is very sensitive to the sound of someone tearing open an envelope -- because in her Krazy FOO™, that was generally followed by shouting (about money, unpaid bills, why was money spent on XYZ, etc.).

So when I do something as simple as open the mail, I make sure I'm out of earshot -- because for me, opening an envelope just means... I'm opening the envelope so I can see what's inside! To avoid any triggering of PTSD, such things must be done discreetly....

T

Kialua

Love your TM on that term LOL!

That is so true, we all have our triggers. It really helps to figure them out and get some cooperation with them. I had a boss once that would sneak up on me while I was intensely working and poke me just to see me scream.
Nice guy...