happybeingme

seesaw- that list is the Al-Anon list. The Laundry List in ACA is a bit different

makomago

To me the phrase says:

Do "I" want to rescue x person (drinker or non drinker) and think "my" desire to rescue is love.

i.e. I feel sorry for them (pity) and I mistake compassion for love.

In my mind this is very closely related to the Laundry List trait 9 & possibly 6;

Trait 9: "We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue." "

Trait 6: "We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. "

I can see all of those traits in my past behaviour... oh and in some not too distant behaviour too. Woops.

makomago

You mean this Laundry List (he says using your post as a reason to post the Laundry List) :-)

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.

We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.

We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

We became addicted to excitement.

We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."

We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).

We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Note: The Laundry List serves as the basis for The Problem statement.

makomago

"Seek an Ye shall find"

That's from another book, I can't remember which one :-) But its not ACA specific and it's not one I choose read. Apparently its "good" though... Mostly I've noticed the covers aren't that good, but I've also heard "don't judge a book by its cover"....

"wisdom, wisdom everywhere and not a drop to drink" I may have that quote wrong.

Be warned: the quote (seek etc etc) in the context I write it may not work so well, I can't see it on your 'stickie' either. Apologies for the wild goose chase on which I may have suggested to you.

OGK

Trait 6: "We apologize retroactively for not handing this out to you at your first AA meeting and therefore, causing you great mental strife while you tried to wrap your head around the Serenity prayer pamphlet. But, "We" feel confident now that you respect the journey and won't hold it against us".
Thanks Mako

DesertEyes

No worries Going thru recovery books looking for good quotes is _never_ a bad thing.

Mike