happybeingme

Has anyone considered their personality type when working on their acoa issues? I am an introvert. So, I am more inner directed for defining myself and for how I get energy. I think at times that this has.worked against me when it comes to figuring things out. While my mind has allowed me to escape when things were bad at times it was also a prison where I punished and berated myself.

Now that I have been reading up on introversion and am gaining a better understanding of what it means there is a part of me that wants to celebrate my normalcy. I always thought being introverted was like a defect. But, I also realize the importance of not living and getting stuck too much in my own head. I also wonder if it added a layer of complication to surviving my childhood and how I perceive myself then and now.
I dont know if anything I said makes sense but I will just throw this out there and see what you all think.

Kialua

Interesting question. I haven't thought about it. I am outspoken, but also had grown up in the shadows trying to avert attention.

NWGRITS

This is a giant cluster**** for me. I'm an introvert but spent my childhood just trying to be seen, and that has carried through into adulthood. I was also just recently diagnosed with Aspergers, so that adds a whole new layer to it.

happybeingme

NW,
That is an interesting development. Are you in therapy or part of a support group for Aspergers? That must be very challenging.

I do think I tried to be noticed as well. But, I wanted recognition for being a good girl, pretty, smart and polite. But, with the introversion I always looked inward to figure things out and then tried to 'present' myself. Ratherthan like an extrovert who is always out there.

Add to all of that I am now a recovering alcoholic as well and... well I am still inside my head a lot but trying to reach out as well rather than always being an observer. Its tough

happybeingme

Figured I should add the books I have read as well.

Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain

The Introvert Advantage How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, Marti Olsen Laney Psy. D.

isitme

I'm not sure if being ACOA has shaped my personality type to what it is.. I'm sure it has changed many parts of me I don't really understand. As well as being an only child until I was a pre-teen.

I also wonder if a specific personality type ends up being Co-D more often than others. I kind of think so. Many of us on FF seem of have also dealt with personality disordered people who seem to tend to self medicate.

I was just reading an article about Narcissism, since I think my A has a fairly large dose of it.

I've taken the test before.. but I can never remember my letters.. So I took it again...
anyone surprised that I'm exactly an INFJ??

INFJ
Introvert(33%) iNtuitive(62%) Feeling(75%) Judging(1%)
• You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (33%)
• You have distinct preference of Intuition over Sensing (62%)
• You have distinct preference of Feeling over Thinking (75%)
• You have marginal or no preference of Judging over Perceiving (1%)

Soberpotamus

INTJ here. Only child. Recovering alcoholic. I pretty much view my introversion as "me" and am fine with it.

happybeingme

From what I have found extroversion or introversion is what you are born with. There has been some studies that show a difference in how certain brain chemicals are used in the different brains.
I always felt like a freak for being introverted. I thought it was actually a defect until I.read those books. Now I am kind of curious if introverts and extroverts process their acoa lives differently. Or if one more than the other has a harder time healing

Aellyce

Just chiming in out of curiosity... I am a recovering alcoholic and my parents were some of the most sober people I'd known (I'm an only child), but the topic of what attract certain people to each-other based on their personality traits interests me. On MBTI I've always scored INTP/J - I put both both letters in the last dimension because my scores there are always very close. Of course for those that are familiar with the theory in depth, this complicates the whole structure of the cognitive functions, but I won't get into it more now.

Susan Cain's book is great. She also has a great TED talk about the subject. I am also comfortable with being introverted.

What developmental events lead to introversion, or exacerbate dormant predisposition? Well "social defeat" experiences in early life obviously often contribute (I had this one myself), within family or outside, can be many things. And yes it's often very hard to overcome. For me, my childhood experience in this area damaged my self-esteem big time, and then I tried to correct it in all sorts of weird ways because no one was helping me to guide how to work through this. Many aspects of socializing are still a mystery to me, although I think I'm naturally good in 1:1 relationships (there I never experienced major or important rejections, so I guess the good experiences fed this development).

As for the relationship between narcissistic personalities and co-dependents - that makes sense and I've seen similar scenarios (couples) quite a few times. I'm not sure how strong is the connection between highly sensitive/empathetic personality and the development of co-dependency, also makes some sense intuitively. These ideas are interesting to me, because I have a history of the best intimate relationships being with the kind of people whose several characteristics are quite well described under the "INFJ" designation. And when I did different kinds of personality (disorder) assessments, by myself or with professionals, "narcissism" tended to get one of the lower scores, and I also do not identify with that kind of behavior at all. But these people I've mentioned above actually tended to project those traits on me, wanted me to always be in the limelight, in the center of attention, idealized me beyond realistic measures. I found these projections disturbing, but got along with the people very well regardless, I think we connected strongly via our sensitivities, interest in people and how they work, interest in ethics, and high standards. Unfortunately the moral values get corrupted first when we succumb to addictions...

I've also had some pretty narcissistic characters getting attracted to me - for a while - some of them got bored when they did not receive the exaggerated admiration from me that they desired, and moved on. Don't think we are a good combo for long-term anyway.

happybeingme

As far as codependency and narcissism. I can see how the two would go well together. My mother is narcissistic and I am very codependent. Breakinf that bond has been challenging.

I cant remember the quote but somewhere in Codependent No More the author writes something about how incredibly kind and generous a codependent can be but that unfortunately they never see it.

As far as the other traits are concerned I took that test once but forget what my results were.

Croissant

Happybeingme....in your original post where you say being an introvert was like having a defect - I used to feel a bit like that too.

Then someone explained it to me in a way that made sense, that as an introvert it's just the way you re-energise, by being alone. Extroverts get their energy from being around people.

I liked that description a lot. When I'm around people, I go for quality, not quantity, and that's ok.

OGK

Nope, not me, I NEVER retreat into my headroom with such thoughts..:o....I think I'm a card carrying Member of the version, intro. This world of inner retreat no doubt was my primary survival tool as a child and throughout my Adult life. Although, "celebrating" this trait would go against my definition of what I think I am, I none the less have come to terms with, that's just who I am and I'm ok with it now. I did spend a lot of time in Acoa struggling through trying to "CHANGE" what I thought was a flaw. What I've learned is/was that the real problem was that I had zero tools for getting OUT of the introspection. The retreat was very rewarding when ESCAPING but I never could seem to get out of it unless new dilemmas replaced the current ones. So, I still rely on the introspection and it is definitely at the core of my recovery. One twist/tool I have added however is that my time in introspection is now defined as "exercise", with two non negotiable rules. #1. The primary goal of my introspection is for figuring out my blocks, not for escaping. #2. the introspection must always end with positive recognition or outcome, real or perceived. Sorry perhaps too introspective but these are the curbs I have added to compliment who I am as erasing me, was just too freaking hard.
What a wonderful Saturday morning, coffee in hand, topic.
Thanks Hap!
OGK

happybeingme

Makes sense to me OGK. I am very introspective as well and can be quite happy in my own head. But, like I have mentioned there have been many times it was also my prison. Extroverts really live out there. They dont care if they are right or wrong.in an argument they just like the audience. According to the second book I read introverts dont even get the same endorphin high from exercise as does extroverts. It is quite an interesting area to study and both books have great info on dealing with your kids.

OGK

You have strong preference of Introversion over Extraversion (100%)
You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (50%)
You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (50%)
You have slight preference of Perceiving over Judging (22%)

No surprise, thanks isitme for the link. Now if I can only stop myself from taking the test every night before bed, all will be right with the world. It's worth noting, to myself, that the middle 50/50 part makes me realize how much self doubt I still have in trying to make decisions or rather, which are the Best tools to make them with. I'd like to think judging was 100% a year ago and that the 22% is a result of reminding myself that my serenity is a direct result of my acceptance. However.....perhaps I'm thinking too much?
(Ba dump....speesh)

Aellyce

This is interesting... I've never been able to stick with any form of exercise just for the sake of the workout. Get bored super quickly if there isn't something in it that also feeds my mind. Also, I really dislike working out in a place where everything and everyone is on display, like in gyms. Team sports have always made me run quick and far, in the opposite direction I don't like doing competitive sports; I do appreciate what's great about competition, just not for me. Races I can do occasionally, because there I really don't care about the competition aspect, I care about preparing for and completing a challenge in my own terms.

So, some forms of exercise I like are mostly solitary activities, eg. long distance running while listening to music I like, or audio books. I also enjoy activities where the physical part is only part of it, but it requires mental concentration and challenging mind-body coordination, like yoga, pilates, or thai chi. These I don't mind doing in groups at all. I think some types of martial arts might also be good for me (probably challenge me in the right dose) but I have never tried.

In contract, most forms of intellectual challenge and competition are usually very welcome in my world when the subject areas overlap with my interests. I don't even feel bothered if I get harsh criticisms or even humiliation in these areas from individuals that are somewhat arrogant. I actually almost like this, because it inspires me to go back and re-evaluate my knowledge.
Similar experiences in physical areas would be very uncomfortable for me; my sense of competence in those are pretty low.

Happy - I don't think extroverts don't care if they are right or wrong - it's just that the source of motivation and also the source of evaluation are different.
One thing that I like about myself is that I tend to care relatively little what people think of me. I mean I care, but that's far from being a major motivator, and also others' opinions don't tend to hold me back.

happybeingme

I tend to have the same feelings regarding competitiveness. I just cant get into it. But, like you give me a good debate and I am raring to go.
Regarding extroverts not caring. I should have said it isnt of high importance. It is the enviornment that gives them the charge.
Based on studies mentioned in both books our society values extroversion despite the fact that one third to one half of our population being introverted. That center of attention, loud, and energetic behavior in extroverts is prized and us introverts are left scrambling trying to fit in in a way that just isnt possible. This is in part whyI am trying to learn about. Figuring out what are simply behaviors inherent in an extrovert and what are leftover behaviors or thoughts from my neglectful childhood

happybeingme

OGK- keep in mind that introversion is who you are and introspection is an action. Some of the greatest scientific discoveries have been made by introverts. In part because introverts spend so much time in their own minds. Introverts when interested in something or here something new typically like to spend time with the information looking at it from all possible angles before speaking about it.


I would be able to give you quotes on the information if it wasnt for the fact that I am using my kindle as a tablet right this minute and the books are also on my kindle ( generally I hate ebook format)

The neurotransmitter acetocholine has a longer path in an introverts brain as opposed to an extroverts

I think one of my problems has been lack of feedback and/or direction. Both of my younger sisters are extroverted. So, theydefinitely gotmore attention. When I look back and try to remember my childhood I have few distinct memories but I seem to have feeling memories and I just get this feeling of not quite fitting in, even at home. Its a pain. I cant be sure if I can trust these memories or if the knowledge I have today about dysfunctional family systems is somehow coloring things

Aellyce

"introversion is who you are and introspection is an action"

Golden

Several years ago, reading up on stuff about neurotransmitters and personality, before I got into the neurosciences as a professional - I wanted to have the chemical formula of acethylcholine tattoed on my skin. I even made several elaborate artistic designs to be inked on me at some point...

Since then (as someone now doing neuroscience research) I'm happy I did not go with that idea. It is really not that simple, wish it were but not really

happybeingme

I love neuroscience. Haennie have you read The Psychopath Inside A neuroscientists personal journey into the darkside of the brain by James Fallon? I know the question is completely off topic but it was a great read

Aellyce

Not this book, but it's been on my readings list for a long time.
I am otherwise familiar with Fallon's work. I will bring this book upper on my reading list now, thank you

Far from "off topic", btw, in my opinion