NWGRITS

...and I feel nothing. Numbness where I should feel sadness. But that's what happens to normal people with normal parents. Nothing about my FOO or my childhood was normal. I guess if I had to choose a feeling, it would be relief. My AM is a tortured soul who never wanted to see the light. And now, as she spends her days locked away in her room, not eating for three days now, and drinking around the clock, she's choosing to end it all for good. I don't know what will happen when the time finally comes, but I know I will probably end up changing my phone number again to throw off the vultures. Only people in dysfunctional families like ours know how that feels. Thank you to each and every one of you for your E, S, and H over the past year. Without SR and Al-Anon, I would be a basketcase right now. It works if you work it.

dbh

I am sorry you are going through this right now. I loss my alcoholic father three years ago and I understand how complicated feelings and emotions can be during this difficult time.

Saying a prayer for both you and your mother.

Hugs,

db

DesertEyes

That is exactly how I felt when my parents passed away.... or perhaps I should say _not_ felt.

For me, that is one of the "gifts" of recovery, that I can _choose_ how to respond to the alcoholics in my family. I think "relief" would be a very appropriate feeling for us ACoA's

Yes, we do know. I give family members only an email addy, and a ***** one at that so I can just walk away and not deal with them. That and caller ID have saved my sanity.

Let us know how you are doing as you walk through this. We are all here for you whenever you need us.

Mike

MsPINKAcres

prayers of comfort for you ~

Please take good care of you ~ today, tomorrow, and especially when your AM passes. Keep those boundaries strong in your heart and mind to do what is healthiest for YOU, regardless of what others may try to say you need to do ~

gentle pink hugs!

NWGRITS

Thank you, everyone. She still hasn't left her room, but her formerly homeless live-in ABF comes and goes from the house regularly. So, my grandmother is assuming she's still alive. All of these things are new to me within the last few weeks, since I've been NC with mom for over a year, and was also NC with my grandmother until about two months ago. I feel awful for my grandmother, but she made the choice to stay years ago and is sticking by that decision. She's 90, so I don't expect her to change her mind any time soon. Anyway, I'm doing my thing like I always do, and if the call comes, it comes. Mom's severely codie enabler ex-bf has been bombarding my inbox with email about the shenanigans going on back home and pretty much demanding I "do something." He knows my boundaries, so once I see where the emails are going, I circular file them. Used to be I'd be compelled to respond. Not anymore, and that is so damn freeing.

EveningRose

My prayers are with you.

Kialua

So sorry. I too know the non feeling of relief when my AF died at 87. My close friend is also going through this right now. The alcoholic is shut in and drinking nonstop the last 10 days, no food.

NWGRITS

Well, leave it to my AM to rebound. I'm sitting here shaking my head because the woman never ceases to amaze me. I'm laughing because, if I don't, I will lose it completely. She has slightly over two weeks sober, and even cooked Thanksgiving dinner for herself and my grandmother. I'm not holding my breath, but I will always acknowledge progress when it happens. We have done this before, but this is the first time AM has ever admitted to her own mother (raging codie and enabler to both my A grandfather-may he rest in peace- and AM herself) that she has a problem and needs help. AM's ABF is in jail for DUI and hit-and-run. I think that the chaos it caused (being turned down for bail money, not being able to manipulate the situation for her own selfish desires) caused her to have an aha moment. This is real life, and this is what addiction does to people. For her sake, I hope that's the case. I don't know if I will ever be able to establish a relationship with her again, but I no longer wish her dead. I mourned her life a long time ago, as well as my childhood. As much bitterness and anger as I still harbor, I still hope that one day she will see how wonderful life is when you choose it over hell on earth.

Kialua

My AF never stopped drinking till he was 80 so I didn't go through that hope. My friend is in rehab now for the last month and it's not the first time, so that hope is trying to surface, but it's hard. It's amazing trip we are on, up one day down the next.

NWGRITS

I really, deep down, don't think this will last. It never does. I hope it will, but I know her and we've done this dance enough to know that "more will be revealed." If I'm wrong, that's great. If I'm not, then nothing is any different than it was before. My poor grandmother gets so excited every time mom climbs out of her pit for a few days, but she's never gone longer than 31 days sober (and that was only because she was locked up in treatment). I want to be optimistic. I really do. Unfortunately, reality has knocked me down too many times for me to have optimism where she's concerned.

altruisitic

This reminds me of my boyfriend's dad. He doesn't locks himself inside his room, but he just stays inside his room and not eat anything. Only drinks and yells, Even though he is not my father, he is like my father-in-law. I'm new here as well, I hope to know what others will say about the situation I'm going through. This is my first post too, nice to meet you.