Lying, when I don't have to, about small dumb things

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10-08-2011, 03:39 PM

# 21 (permalink)

13thKey

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I have done this for as long as I can remember! Lying because I can, no good reason, just because.

I fight with it everyday, I guess it stems from trying to be 'seen' and get attention. Making myself seem better than I am. (in my mind anyway).Most of the time it just turns into something silly that makes no sense at all.

Thank you for speaking up. I have only admitted this to myself until now...

10-08-2011, 09:21 PM

# 22 (permalink)

Kialua

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Welcome 13thKey. I've struggled with this my whole life too. And I am so good at it that it awes my best friend. I've told her about it and will admit when I do it. She is always shocked, and she had known me for decades. I think I could pass a lie detector test, ha ha. But she knows I hate it when I do it.

I think it stems, for me, from growing up with nothing sane. One day this answer worked, the net day it didn't from the time I could first remember. So I was always hopping around trying to figure out which answer would not get me beat but whether I told the truth or not I got beat. Even though, I never gave up trying to outsmart my AF with my quick finely honed lies. Some he believed some he didn't. But he didn't believe the truth either. It became such a survival mechanism that I have to work really hard to stop it.

I have been really watching it lately since posting, it helps to discuss it.

10-08-2011, 09:34 PM

# 23 (permalink)

alaskasunshine

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kialua

Erg I just did it again. I told someone I was just 15 minutes away from them when it was a half hour. And I'm sure she knew I was not 15 minutes away. But I wanted to be pleasing I guess. This is so ingrained, even when I am point blank trying. Oh well, at least I am aware of it and still trying.

micealc, yes I have read that list, years ago. It's so true isn't it? I lol when I saw your "phone rings, what wrong now". Went through many years of that.

OH WOW, I do that too. Just today I received a last minute invite to a comedy show and I was able to get a hold of my s/o just as it was starting and I said I would be home in an hour, and I knew it would be later than that by at least 30 minutes. And I was!

10-08-2011, 09:43 PM

# 24 (permalink)

Kialua

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Wow, funny. Well it's good to know I'm not alone. Weird isn't it? At least we are using our powers for good and not for evil.

10-09-2011, 05:07 AM

# 25 (permalink)

micealc

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Another Sneekey one is,....Feeling guilty because I might have.........Said something loosely,but dont know if I Did or Did not say it.I have to be extremely careful what I say as it could affect anothers as well as myself.....negatively.The Truth shall set you free....but it will not be easy to tell it at the start......Gossip is another one I have to be careful with........Ill say nothing unless it is important to say it to improve a relationship or I might prevent something Negatively from Happening.Most of the time now ......I MIND MY OWN BUISSNESS.

10-09-2011, 05:33 AM

# 26 (permalink)

micealc

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Another thing is admitting to someone/ie an understanding person/Sponser etc, that I am afraid or mabie even terrified of doing something.It might be trivial to some but not to me....so to get out of doing this thing I might lie.Once i have identified what Im afraid of doing.........fake it till I make it.
I am terrified of Heights,been in Confined Places,Busy Roads,......I ask the Higher Power to stay with me while I am doing this thing.I am getting a bit better doing these things now.........Time and not avoiding doing ordinary thing is where im at.
I practice/Practice.......It get easier.....less fear.

11-01-2011, 12:45 PM

# 27 (permalink)

quitforme79

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I am so glad I found this thread..I do the same thing & have read the book about ACOA's and I know it's common for us. Thing is, I just want to come clean so what do I do...try to remember every little lie I told to everyone & confess or just move on and start fresh today? I have tried to make an effort before but never followed thru. Now, I REALLY want to change. any suggestions?

11-01-2011, 01:42 PM

# 28 (permalink)

danielleinto

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Location: ontario

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Quote:

Originally Posted by simplex

I do this too all of the time. Depending on the person but I try to actually say out loud, that was a lie, or not the whole truth here is what is the truth is. That's very hard and I'd be lying if I said I do it a lot.

Also too I find myself in telling a story of some kind adding in facts I know that aren't true to make the story better. Sometimes I have invented stories of things that didn't happen to gain approval or attention.

When I read the ACoA by Janet I was pretty blown away and have continued learning about what I am (as a product of living in an alcoholic home.) Another good book that i've just started is "It will never happen to me." by Claudia Black. I'm reading this book with tears streaming down my eyes thinking, "I'm not crazy, finally, I can begin to understand."

Now attempting to dredge up all of those repressed feelings, change behaviors that have been ingrained in the subconscious for years and years? It's an emotional re-education. But one that I believe is totally necessary to experience joys and growth.

Miceal C I love your idea of re-parenting yourself. I really really wanna attend an ACoA meeting but have reservations about going being that I ended up being an alcoholic too. It's sort of a mental paradox for me.

My sister does this and nobody calls her on it, it's the big white elephant in the room. I can't see her getting help with this, what does she do go to a counsellor and tell her/him that she's a liar?

I've got 12 of the 13 characteristics of a ACOA except for the lying. I have a hard time with authority and so I tend to go the opposite of trying to please. I think "no one is ever telling me what to do again".

Thank-you for helping me understand why my sister exaggerates. Exaggerations I can just go along with but it affects me if in the process of lying she's calling me liar. I'm going through that now with her and it's tough because there's no resolution with something like that.

I can explain to my daughter's now why she does this. When she begins to add to a story she gets very animated - it's like she becomes someone else.

When you said, "to gain approval or attention" I finally understood. She stayed in her room and in the background while growing up. This makes sense to me now. Thank-you

11-01-2011, 08:27 PM

# 29 (permalink)

Kialua

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Quote:

Originally Posted by quitforme79

That's a lot to think of. I guess one of the steps is to do restitution to the best of your ability if no one is harmed. Do what you think is best and forgive yourself. This is a taught trait that we acquired for survival. The problem is we don't need it anymore but it is in there buried deep and is second nature. Pops up when we least expect it. The first step might be to be aware at the moment, when you do it. Then analyze why it just happened, were you insecure, scared, startled, etc. Then the next time that same feeling pops up, insecure etc, try to remember to not lie.

Easier said than done. I have told my best friend and then report to her occasionally when I slip. good luck.

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