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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Struthers, OH
Posts: 3
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I am new to this whole thing. I am the adult child of 2..yes count them....2 alcoholics. My father began drinking when I was an infant. He then started hitting my mother. She left him when I was just under 3 yrs old and never heard from him again. I take that back he showed up on our doorstep when I was 13 and passed out while I was talking to him. He then tried calling me when I was about 20. Haven't heard from him since.
My mother has always had issues. For as long as I can remember she was depressed or anxious. She has always been a binge drinker and has now progressed to drinking non-stop. She was addicted to drugs when I was in my early teens. I have been a couple of foster and group homes. We lived out of your car for awhile as well. I finally got my own apartment and moved out when Iw as just under 16. I figured I could do better on my own....which I did.
I moved to Ohio last year and am now dealing with my mom with 2600+ miles between us. She has family there but they are not help. She has been told she is bipolar and also that she needs to quit drinking. They want to admit her into an inpatient treatment center but her new insurance hasn't processed her yet...been 2 months.
Needless to say..she quit her job and has been drinking for about 4 days straight now. She calls me angry, yelling, crying..sobbing..begging for help. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I told her to go to AA or some sort of support group until she could get admitted...not good enough. It has to be all or nothing for her.
I know I shouldn't feel this way but...in a way I feel like it is my fault because I moved. On the otherside...I wish she would just go away. Then there is the "I want to help" because I love her and she is all I have.
How do you all deal with this? I have tried therapy..didn't help. I am currently on Celexa as well.
Just for the record..I do not drink, smoke or do drugs..and never have, so I can't even try to empathize with her.
Thanks for the rant...
Carly
My mother has always had issues. For as long as I can remember she was depressed or anxious. She has always been a binge drinker and has now progressed to drinking non-stop. She was addicted to drugs when I was in my early teens. I have been a couple of foster and group homes. We lived out of your car for awhile as well. I finally got my own apartment and moved out when Iw as just under 16. I figured I could do better on my own....which I did.
I moved to Ohio last year and am now dealing with my mom with 2600+ miles between us. She has family there but they are not help. She has been told she is bipolar and also that she needs to quit drinking. They want to admit her into an inpatient treatment center but her new insurance hasn't processed her yet...been 2 months.
Needless to say..she quit her job and has been drinking for about 4 days straight now. She calls me angry, yelling, crying..sobbing..begging for help. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I told her to go to AA or some sort of support group until she could get admitted...not good enough. It has to be all or nothing for her.
I know I shouldn't feel this way but...in a way I feel like it is my fault because I moved. On the otherside...I wish she would just go away. Then there is the "I want to help" because I love her and she is all I have.
How do you all deal with this? I have tried therapy..didn't help. I am currently on Celexa as well.
Just for the record..I do not drink, smoke or do drugs..and never have, so I can't even try to empathize with her.
Thanks for the rant...
Carly
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome Carly,
You cannot do one thing for your mother except tell her you love her. trust me...if you run in and try to pick up the pieces either it will never be enough or you will be prolonging the problem.
She needs treatment plain and simple and that is still no guarantee. If you think she is in danger of harming herself call the police. They will deal with her.
Have you researched alcoholism? There is alot of good information out there and also alot to help yourself. Being the child of an alcoholic hurts...you have been through alot.
You did not cause this and you cannot cure it. The only one who can stop this is your mom.
Hugs,
JT
You cannot do one thing for your mother except tell her you love her. trust me...if you run in and try to pick up the pieces either it will never be enough or you will be prolonging the problem.
She needs treatment plain and simple and that is still no guarantee. If you think she is in danger of harming herself call the police. They will deal with her.
Have you researched alcoholism? There is alot of good information out there and also alot to help yourself. Being the child of an alcoholic hurts...you have been through alot.
You did not cause this and you cannot cure it. The only one who can stop this is your mom.
Hugs,
JT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Struthers, OH
Posts: 3
I have researched Alcoholism as soon as I was old enough to know what it was. Deep down I know it's not my fault but that guilt is always there.
I called the police in her city/state once already but the hospital let her go not thinking she was a danger to herself. They wanted to admit her into an inpatient treatment hospital...but you know how HMO's are. She says she is still trying to get approval to go in. She won't go to AA or anything like that because she is a "professional" and only icky people go there. *deep sigh*
Tonight she did say if she did drink herself to death..it would be no big deal because she has nothing to live for.
Needless to say it made me angry. I always thought I was important enough to live for...or hell even her 3 grandkids. Sort of puts it into perspective for me....
Oh well...not much I can do except watch and wait, come what may. Guess it's a small blessing I moved so far away.
I know my posts make me sounds cold and cynical but it's just my anger..I am really a nice person and I have never had any enemies...LOL
I called the police in her city/state once already but the hospital let her go not thinking she was a danger to herself. They wanted to admit her into an inpatient treatment hospital...but you know how HMO's are. She says she is still trying to get approval to go in. She won't go to AA or anything like that because she is a "professional" and only icky people go there. *deep sigh*
Tonight she did say if she did drink herself to death..it would be no big deal because she has nothing to live for.
Needless to say it made me angry. I always thought I was important enough to live for...or hell even her 3 grandkids. Sort of puts it into perspective for me....
Oh well...not much I can do except watch and wait, come what may. Guess it's a small blessing I moved so far away.
I know my posts make me sounds cold and cynical but it's just my anger..I am really a nice person and I have never had any enemies...LOL
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Alcoholism has made me cynical as well...I express my anger in the strangest ways sometimes...lol.
You sound detached and you sound like you know your limits with this.
I just try to do the next right thing...if I CAN do something I do it but most of the time I resove to let it go.
Hugs,
JT
You sound detached and you sound like you know your limits with this.
I just try to do the next right thing...if I CAN do something I do it but most of the time I resove to let it go.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: portage, mi
Posts: 5
carly,
you have your own family now. it's hard to watch our loved ones do these horrible things, but an addict/alcoholic won't stop anything until they are ready. they will promise you the world and then disappoint you.
if they started at an early age, then their abuse inhibits them from maturing past that time in their life. as a result, a lot of times we are dealing with 40 or 50 year old teenagers. you have to treat them that way in order to help.
you should be extremely proud of yourself for not turning to drugs. it was the only behavior you knew. i congratulate you for that.
you have your own family now. it's hard to watch our loved ones do these horrible things, but an addict/alcoholic won't stop anything until they are ready. they will promise you the world and then disappoint you.
if they started at an early age, then their abuse inhibits them from maturing past that time in their life. as a result, a lot of times we are dealing with 40 or 50 year old teenagers. you have to treat them that way in order to help.
you should be extremely proud of yourself for not turning to drugs. it was the only behavior you knew. i congratulate you for that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 91
Welcome to recovery.....I also had 2 alcoholic parents. It was my mother's cry for help that got me into Al-Anon. There may be ACA meetings where you live, too.
Anyway, your answer to her was a good one. All we can do is suggest they ask for help. Another suggestion I followed when I was new was that I have choices about answering my telephone. If I don't pick up the phone, I don't have to have a conversation with someone who isn't able to converse, anyway.
Keep coming back.......it works!
Anyway, your answer to her was a good one. All we can do is suggest they ask for help. Another suggestion I followed when I was new was that I have choices about answering my telephone. If I don't pick up the phone, I don't have to have a conversation with someone who isn't able to converse, anyway.
Keep coming back.......it works!
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 5
Carly, your post inspired me to register so I could respond to you. I have an alcoholic father and my mother is addicted to prescription drugs. Last December I moved 1400 miles away from Youngstown, Ohio to put some much needed distnace between me and my parents.
I haven't talked to my dad in years, but my mom is an ever-growing problems. My moving was partially spurred by her second divorce and the problems I knew that would follow.
So now I'm in Texas and here come the problems. She now calls once a week or so to let me know what's going wrong and to guilt me for it. And it is so hard to deal with!!
Thank god I have good friends who offer strong shoulders and remind me that it is not my responsibility to parent my parent. They tell me that I'm not a bad person because I don't rush in to fix things that aren't mine to fix. They remind me that she's lived like this for 50 years and isn't likely to change on her own and I definitely can't change her.
I hope that helps you. You're not alone in this. ~Lisa
I haven't talked to my dad in years, but my mom is an ever-growing problems. My moving was partially spurred by her second divorce and the problems I knew that would follow.
So now I'm in Texas and here come the problems. She now calls once a week or so to let me know what's going wrong and to guilt me for it. And it is so hard to deal with!!
Thank god I have good friends who offer strong shoulders and remind me that it is not my responsibility to parent my parent. They tell me that I'm not a bad person because I don't rush in to fix things that aren't mine to fix. They remind me that she's lived like this for 50 years and isn't likely to change on her own and I definitely can't change her.
I hope that helps you. You're not alone in this. ~Lisa
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