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Do I do it because of him?

Old 12-07-2008, 04:36 AM
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Do I do it because of him?

I mean like my dad is an alcoholic and drug abuser and I practically picked up on that. I do a lot of stupid ****. I'm only 15, but still it ruined me. My dad is in a psych ward/asylum and he's constantly on suicide watch. and I don't want that pat of him to come out in me...but like am I the way I am because of him?
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:48 AM
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Welcome to SR.

In my own experience, my family's addictions (dad AND mom) initially loaded me up with some really bad behaviors and reactions and handicaps. So yeah, I was a mess.

Realizing that my life with them had done this to me was a huge breakthrough. Kinda like "Ohhh, THAT'S where that came from."

I did spend a lot of years imitating them, doing equally stupid s*** to myself and my life, and blaming it on them. "They screwed me up."

I finally came to realize that they'd just dealt me the hand, I didn't have to take it. And I didn't get a free pass to ruin my own life just because of them - once I could see the way I was wired, I had the power to do things to change how I thought, what I did. I didn't get to blame my [email protected] behavior on them. It was my choice to do the things I did.

That opened up a huge new life for me.

I needed some help though. Places like this forum; I went to see a counselor for a while just to talk through some of the weird reactions I'd have; I read books and went to some Al-Anon meetings to learn everything I could about alcoholism in families (I didn't know about Alateen then)

The exception sometimes is that we have physical things wrong with our brains - chemical imbalances and disorders - that need a doctor's care. Have you been able to see a doctor to determine whether there's anything physically wrong? That might be a good start, just to eliminate that possibility. It's common, and there's nothing wrong with it.

You can have any kind of life you want. Your dad may have modeled some really bad behavior, but you can just drop it in the dirt and go your own way. If you don't want his life, don't take it. Make up your own, one that works better for you. You might need the same "little help from your friends" that I got (above). Glad you found us here.

Take care of yourself, okay?
GL
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Old 12-07-2008, 09:14 AM
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Welcome Peace,

My father was the problem drinker in my family. I learned unhealthy behaviors growing up in a dysfunctional family. Alateen is a wonderful program to help you recover and learn healthy behaviors. Keep reaching out.

London
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Old 12-07-2008, 10:56 AM
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ILikepeace,
There is a lot of hope and help for you.

When we are really little, we pick up on what our parents are doing, how they react to stuff, how they treat other people, and how much they like themselves.

So you can really be copying your dad even if you do not like what he did.
But you do not have to stay that way. Not at all.

You can change alot - so that your dad's life will not be your life.

You posted here, so you must want to change. And you can.

Alateen is a great program. It is just like Al-anon which is a program a lot of us really enjoy. You can find a local meeting on the internet. Ask a teacher or minister or another adult that you trust, and they can help you too.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 12-07-2008, 02:18 PM
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Originally Posted by GiveLove View Post
I finally came to realize that they'd just dealt me the hand, I didn't have to take it. And I didn't get a free pass to ruin my own life just because of them - once I could see the way I was wired, I had the power to do things to change how I thought, what I did. I didn't get to blame my [email protected] behavior on them. It was my choice to do the things I did.

That opened up a huge new life for me.

You can have any kind of life you want. Your dad may have modeled some really bad behavior, but you can just drop it in the dirt and go your own way. If you don't want his life, don't take it. Make up your own, one that works better for you.
GL
That's actually very helpful. Thanks for that.
And ILikePeace...don't give up. I remember being 15 and my dad being in a rehab center. Remember, he makes his own choices and you make yours. You can choose a better way.
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Old 12-07-2008, 08:37 PM
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My Afather is a good man but many of my issues stemmed from his alcoholism. I found out when I was 28 that my birthfamily is riddled with psychological problems that they treated with drugs/alcohol/overeating. I am so thankful that today I can get the treatment I need for my addiction issues and treat my depression and other psychological problems. It is my responsibility to get treatment and I feel blessed that I can.
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