Hazel83

Hello. This is my first post here.I came here because My mother and I both have problems with drinking,but tonight I really need to vent about my mother.My mother started drinking heavily when I was about 14 (I'm 24 now),and when I was about 16, she became a very nasty drunk.During the day she doesn't drink-Thank god!,but every night at 6:00 the bottle comes out and she goes from being very nice and quite normal to a complete lunatic.She'll yell and scream,call me horrible names,tell me that my being born was the biggest mistake of her life(this really hurts when she says this),and worst of all she'll tell me that I cause her to act like this!!! She absolutely refuses to take responsibility for anything she does when she's drunk,and yells at me that I'm trying to make a fool of her by "making" her yell. She'll take something I did a month ago that made her mad, and use it as an excuse for her screaming.VERY infuriating The past 6 months or so, she's also acting delusional and psychotic when she's drinking. A few months ago after one of her fits,she threatened to call the police and have me arrested for no reason whatsoever, and took her phone,informed me that she was having the dog call the police,locked herself in her bedroom,and actually told the dog to call the police!!. As far as I know neither dog nor mother made any calls that night. so ridiculous it's actually funny!:rof Last month she insisted that all the lights be turned off and made us sit in the dark because "they" were coming to kill us. Whoever "they" are I have no idea.And tonight she had a fit,then asked me to give her the treasure that I dug up.I have no idea what she was talking about.Half the time she doesn't make sense any more, and she's driving me crazy.She drank every night through out my teenage years, and I saw things that no teenager should ever have to see their parent do.She'd forget where the bathroom was and pee in a bedroom,she'd walk around half naked,or she'd cry hysterically about how she was in love with her boss.I think this has really done a lot of damage to me emotionally.I find it impossible to trust anyone,I have social anxiety disorder,so being with people and forming relationships are very difficult, I'm almost 25 and I've never had a boyfriend!!!
I also have occasional panic attacks.And I'm doing the one thing I swore I would never do, and that's drinking like she does.I used to hardly ever drink,but now it seems like the best way to deal with all the chaos going on around me,though I think that heredity plays a part too, since my maternal grandmother was also an alcoholic.I don't know how much more I can take.I'm stuck living with her until I can get a decent paying job,which at the pace I'm going won't be anytime soon,and I have no other close family or friends that I could stay with,and even if I did,I'd be too afraid of leaving her alone at night,as she cannot take care of herself when she's drunk,and I'd be worried that she'd do something stupid like cook dinner and burn the house down. I've thought about trying Al-Anon,but I'm not quite ready to face people and tell them that my mother is an alcoholic,I know everyone else there is in the same situation,but I'm just too embarrassed,and counseling is out of the question because I don't have any insurance. sorry for the long post, but I really needed to vent, I feel better already!

AbsentFriend

Hi Hazel,

I'm so sorry that this has been all you've seen of love.

I can understand the drinking to deal with anxiety. I know people whose therapists thought they were alcoholics, but as soon as they were prescribed something for anxiety, the drinking dropped off drastically. So don't be so hard on yourself - at least you're aware, and that can help keep you off the wrong road.

I also understand about being embarrassed - I was terrified and practically shaking when I went to my first Adult Children meeting. Even though I knew I belonged there, just like everyone else, it had been ingrained in me all my life that things like this are just not talked about.

Is there any way you can get out of that house? Stay with a sibling or relative? It sounds very unsafe for you emotionally. I think a lot of stress and internal chaos would be relieved just by being out of that environment. Things are only going to get worse, and you need to live your own life - one in which your desire to be healthy is accepted and encouraged by the people around you.

Good luck, and keep posting.

dolce7dolore

I too am sorry that you've had to deal with all of this and for all of the hurtful things she says to you and blames you for. I understand completely what you mean by saying that your mom is normal before she starts drinking at night, since that's how my parents are.

The constant delusions sound a bit scary, does she have some disorder? Have you ever spoken to her when she was sober?

I also agree that it would be a good idea to get yourself out of this situation. It is not your responsibility to care for your mother, as much as you may love her. Is there any way that you could look for a roommate(s) and share a cheap rent?

howatch

Hi Hazel

I am new to all this and learning at the moment so I'm not in a position to give you any advice but I just wanted to send some hugs your way and say you sound like a tremendously strong person to be coping with all this. I can't cope with half an afternoon with my mom without feeling like i'm going crazy.

This forum is great, people here are really here for you, and so supportive.

Wascally Wabbit

It sounds like my story too. I was 14 when my mom started drinking. Yep, she threatened to call the police on me plenty of times.
All I can say one day I left. I ran as far as I could which was about 1000 miles away.
Life was no longer tied to her hatred and drunkeness.
Sometimes we just have to get away from it.
I eventually moved closer 20 years after she quit drinking, but her strange behavior, need to control, and constant non stop complaining still remain.
I am 3 hours away now. I think that's a good distance.

meg8901

Hello, I am also new to the site!!!

I have an alchoholic mother who is CRAZY when she drinks....She started drinking when I was 10...my whole life I was scared to leave her I though she wouldn't function without me. When I was 17 I left home and never looked back...I had problems because of her illness. I didn't talk to her again until I was 22 and I do not feel bad about it!! I needed to focus on myself and move to bigger and better things. When I left soon after my sister left and she really went down hill...she went to live with my grandfather and during that time lost my brother to the state, she lived in the streets and lost everyone around her...She is now 1 year sober and doing fine...I maintain a guarded relationship with her and only hope the best for her!!!

I think at some point you need to make one of the hardest decisions in your life....to leave your mom and focus on yourself!!! It is such a hard decision to make but you are responsible for your happiness. My heart goes out to you because I know how hard it is to have a mom that is sick!!!

jazzz

Hey Hazel83. I can relate to that! My mother used to drink and when she did she'd go absolutely nuts. She became a completely different person. She'd get that crasy look in her eyes and sometimes threaten to kill or call the police on my dad. When sober she's normal and a kind person. I don't know what caused her to behave the way she did when she drank.
Strange thing, I also have some kind of social phobia but I'm much better now than I was a few years back.
Anyway, I was often really freaked out from my mom's drinking and I eventually had to move out cos I couldn't live there anymore. My dad was also an alcoholic but a different kind. They're both sober now, have been for a few months, and doing fine. Me and my siblings had to threaten to cut all ties with them if they didn't do something about their obvious problems and that eventually helped.
Have you tried talking to her about it when she's sober? One thing you can do is intervene. You can videotape her when she's at her worst and then show it to her when she's sober so she can see with her own eyes what she becomes when she drinks. Or does she know and just doesn't care?
I think you really need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about her drinking. And I'm sure she would be a happier person without the drinking. Doesn't seem like she gets much out of it anyway except going crasy - and who needs that?

By the way, if you have social phobia you shouldn't be drinking at all. trust me, it gets a hell of a lot worse by drinking. I know it helps to get more outgoing and all, but in the long run you're only making it worse for yourself! Quit the alcohol (!), I assure you you'll get much better.