My deepest fear
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 126
My deepest fear
I am just reading over some past things I wrote, and I came across one of my favorite poems....as I read this line, I just burst into tears: "I am afraid that deep-down I am nothing, that I am just no good…"
I am realizing, I still believe this somewhere deep down inside.....this is my deepedst fear: that I am actually worthless. All this time I am thinking, "Oh I'm getting better and learning to love myself", and then I just start sobbing when I read the words "I am nothing" becuase this is my greatest fear! How do I release these fears??? I asked God for help today....
Thank you for listening.....I just needed to get this out.
Much love, Stephanie
I am realizing, I still believe this somewhere deep down inside.....this is my deepedst fear: that I am actually worthless. All this time I am thinking, "Oh I'm getting better and learning to love myself", and then I just start sobbing when I read the words "I am nothing" becuase this is my greatest fear! How do I release these fears??? I asked God for help today....
Thank you for listening.....I just needed to get this out.
Much love, Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Read my signature. Even Mother Theresa recognized that each of us individually is "nothing", yet when we look at the whole, we are capable of making a great difference.
What makes you feel like you're 'nothing' - that you haven't acheived greatness and perfection? Well, you're human, and very very very few humans acheive any kind of greatness, and most of them aren't remembered favorably by history (Hitler, Moussilini, Idi Amin, etc - on the positive side of things, it's been a long time since we had a great leader who was a positive force, perhaps MLK Jr and Mother Theresa and Lincoln).
If you set your expectations so high that you can never meet them, you will always feel like you are 'nothing'. Do what you can with what you have available to you. Do things that you're happy with or proud of, no matter how small they are.
About 6 months ago, I stopped at a convenience store to buy some breakfast before I went to work on a rental property I own. It was a Sunday. The guy behind me in line was holding a newspaper. I asked him is that was all he was getting, he replied yes. I told him go ahead, I'd buy the paper for him. He was completely taken aback, and looked at me like "what do you want from me". He asked if I was sure several times - clear up until the clerk checked me out and I told the clerk to put the guy's paper in with my stuff. The guy said "what should I do?" (meaning what did I want in exchange from him). I told him that I was about to go spend a thoroughly unenjoyable day repairing a rental property, and he should go home and enjoy his Sunday paper so I could remember, while I was working, that somewhere out there is someone who was having a good Sunday.
It cost me $1.50 to make this guy's day, and it made me feel really good. I did spend that day smiling at myself for it. The guy was so completely taken aback by what I did - even though it's not like I bought him a car or anything - it was just a newspaper. I certainly felt like I made a difference that day, and "a nothing" is not what he felt like.
You can make a difference in small ways, sometimes without even knowing just how much of a difference you've made. All we can do is small deeds. If you expect yourself to perform great deeds, you will find nothing but let downs in life.
And those small deeds don't just have to be for other people - you can do them for yourself as well.
What makes you feel like you're 'nothing' - that you haven't acheived greatness and perfection? Well, you're human, and very very very few humans acheive any kind of greatness, and most of them aren't remembered favorably by history (Hitler, Moussilini, Idi Amin, etc - on the positive side of things, it's been a long time since we had a great leader who was a positive force, perhaps MLK Jr and Mother Theresa and Lincoln).
If you set your expectations so high that you can never meet them, you will always feel like you are 'nothing'. Do what you can with what you have available to you. Do things that you're happy with or proud of, no matter how small they are.
About 6 months ago, I stopped at a convenience store to buy some breakfast before I went to work on a rental property I own. It was a Sunday. The guy behind me in line was holding a newspaper. I asked him is that was all he was getting, he replied yes. I told him go ahead, I'd buy the paper for him. He was completely taken aback, and looked at me like "what do you want from me". He asked if I was sure several times - clear up until the clerk checked me out and I told the clerk to put the guy's paper in with my stuff. The guy said "what should I do?" (meaning what did I want in exchange from him). I told him that I was about to go spend a thoroughly unenjoyable day repairing a rental property, and he should go home and enjoy his Sunday paper so I could remember, while I was working, that somewhere out there is someone who was having a good Sunday.
It cost me $1.50 to make this guy's day, and it made me feel really good. I did spend that day smiling at myself for it. The guy was so completely taken aback by what I did - even though it's not like I bought him a car or anything - it was just a newspaper. I certainly felt like I made a difference that day, and "a nothing" is not what he felt like.
You can make a difference in small ways, sometimes without even knowing just how much of a difference you've made. All we can do is small deeds. If you expect yourself to perform great deeds, you will find nothing but let downs in life.
And those small deeds don't just have to be for other people - you can do them for yourself as well.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
I completely understand Layla2222. I am have that same feeling inside of me most of the time. I grow up with an alcoholic father. It is a scarey question that I am not worth anything. But the facts are that is not true. you are a human being. You can't be prefect and like Ginger said no one is prefect. It takes time to heal. I felt I was nothing because of the way my dad treated me. Do I still believe that yes I do but the difference now is that I know that deep in my heart that I am worth it and deserve it. JUst because I know it is still is hard. Try doing something for yourselve. That helps me a lot. So something you love to do. Do you scrapbook or read or something? Try that. JUst my opinion take what you like and leave the rest
love
Shana
love
Shana
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Layla,
When you hear that voice that starts to cut you down and tell you that your are nothing, etc, etc... tell it to SHUT UP!! SCREAM AT IT TO SHUT UP!!!
I had these "weird" images when I first came in to recovery, one being that the "Critical Parent" voices were many, loud, clamouring voices all around the True ME. They would start up just when I would try something new, or not do something "perfect."
The voice that I needed to learn how to hear was the quiet, whispering voice which reminded me of my accomplishments, even if it was something small like managing to take a shower or wash the dishes or feed the animals. I'd even sometimes practice giving myself praise for picking up the kids from school on time, and being 'nice' to them on the whole 7-minute drive back home.
The loud voices that scream at you and cut you down are LIARS. Nothing they say is truth. It's the quiet whispering voice that tells the truth. I bet you have one of those in you, as well. The soft, comforting self-loving you who is just waiting for those other voices to shut up so you can hear her.
Whenever you hear your (lying not-true)self say "I am nothing," play attorney...ask it to prove it. Provide evidence to the contrary. Argue with it. Even being able to do this will help you to feel better.
Sorry, that's advice...I'll do better next time.
When you hear that voice that starts to cut you down and tell you that your are nothing, etc, etc... tell it to SHUT UP!! SCREAM AT IT TO SHUT UP!!!
I had these "weird" images when I first came in to recovery, one being that the "Critical Parent" voices were many, loud, clamouring voices all around the True ME. They would start up just when I would try something new, or not do something "perfect."
The voice that I needed to learn how to hear was the quiet, whispering voice which reminded me of my accomplishments, even if it was something small like managing to take a shower or wash the dishes or feed the animals. I'd even sometimes practice giving myself praise for picking up the kids from school on time, and being 'nice' to them on the whole 7-minute drive back home.
The loud voices that scream at you and cut you down are LIARS. Nothing they say is truth. It's the quiet whispering voice that tells the truth. I bet you have one of those in you, as well. The soft, comforting self-loving you who is just waiting for those other voices to shut up so you can hear her.
Whenever you hear your (lying not-true)self say "I am nothing," play attorney...ask it to prove it. Provide evidence to the contrary. Argue with it. Even being able to do this will help you to feel better.
Sorry, that's advice...I'll do better next time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
