Proud of me :o)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 126
Proud of me :o)
I am proud of myself today:smile:
I was over at my dad's house, and as usual he makes a controlling comment.....he tells me, "you know you have to work! You have to get a full-time job!"
.....Now this is my plan anyways, but I am SO sick and tired!!! of him telling me what to do! When he made this comment, I looked over at my boyfriend and said, "Wanna go?"
My dad snaps back at me and says, "Oh look at her! She's mad because I told her she has to work!"
For the first time in my life I knew EXACTLY what to say to him AND I SAID IT!
"No dad, I'm upset becuase you can't tell me what to do. You think I don't know what to do with my life???? Your wrong! You need to stop telling me what to do."
He said nothing.
I know this may seem like a simple thing to say, but it was BIG for me......Yay me :o)
Thanks for listening
Much love!~Stephanie
I was over at my dad's house, and as usual he makes a controlling comment.....he tells me, "you know you have to work! You have to get a full-time job!"
.....Now this is my plan anyways, but I am SO sick and tired!!! of him telling me what to do! When he made this comment, I looked over at my boyfriend and said, "Wanna go?"
My dad snaps back at me and says, "Oh look at her! She's mad because I told her she has to work!"
For the first time in my life I knew EXACTLY what to say to him AND I SAID IT!
"No dad, I'm upset becuase you can't tell me what to do. You think I don't know what to do with my life???? Your wrong! You need to stop telling me what to do."
He said nothing.
I know this may seem like a simple thing to say, but it was BIG for me......Yay me :o)
Thanks for listening
Much love!~Stephanie
Adore
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 50
That is great! I bet that is real empowering.
It feels really good to stand up for yourself against your abuser or oppressor. Plus it sounds like you did it with grace, not a hatchet..
I wanted to post about my recent realizatons from dealings my father so this seemed like a good thread for that.
my father is an alcoholic jerk! (sorry) He is hard, a very angry person. Criticisms flow from his mouth like saliva...he just destroys everything verbally. After being around and exposed to his criticism and negativity for many years, i became just like him. And very negative and critical towards myself, as i'm discovering.
Anyway, our relationship has had this horrible, roller coaster quality, like many people with their alcoholic parents. Frequent screaming, hanging up, and threats. I still carry an enormous amount of anger at him. It got to the point where just hearing him speak made me seethe!
I think it actually empowered me to HATE him..
In the last 6 months, i've started to let that anger out - in writing (more like rantings), drawings, ACOA meetings.
A few months ago, I got the courage to try and confront him nicely about how horrible his drinking was for me and how it impacted me (and devastated me) as a child. I was sooo naive, enough to think this conversation could take place with maturity between me and an untreated addicted parent. When we started the conversation, before I could even speak, he was tearing me apart, and saying his usual "denial" tactics like, it was not that bad (!) When I saw this reaction, I was mad as always! I wanted it to be different. But I decided this time, it was not worth it. It wasn't going to get anywhere. He was too vested in his denial. It was not going to heal me to go into the details with him. I can see that now.
I don't talk with him anymore. Except for a casual hi, how are you, I don't communicate with him about my personal life anymore. It's been about two months maybe and I am fine with it.
The healing is up to me now. With the help of the group, the forum, and loving people that are here!
So thankful for that...
And just wanted to share...
It feels really good to stand up for yourself against your abuser or oppressor. Plus it sounds like you did it with grace, not a hatchet..
I wanted to post about my recent realizatons from dealings my father so this seemed like a good thread for that.
my father is an alcoholic jerk! (sorry) He is hard, a very angry person. Criticisms flow from his mouth like saliva...he just destroys everything verbally. After being around and exposed to his criticism and negativity for many years, i became just like him. And very negative and critical towards myself, as i'm discovering.
Anyway, our relationship has had this horrible, roller coaster quality, like many people with their alcoholic parents. Frequent screaming, hanging up, and threats. I still carry an enormous amount of anger at him. It got to the point where just hearing him speak made me seethe!
I think it actually empowered me to HATE him..
In the last 6 months, i've started to let that anger out - in writing (more like rantings), drawings, ACOA meetings.
A few months ago, I got the courage to try and confront him nicely about how horrible his drinking was for me and how it impacted me (and devastated me) as a child. I was sooo naive, enough to think this conversation could take place with maturity between me and an untreated addicted parent. When we started the conversation, before I could even speak, he was tearing me apart, and saying his usual "denial" tactics like, it was not that bad (!) When I saw this reaction, I was mad as always! I wanted it to be different. But I decided this time, it was not worth it. It wasn't going to get anywhere. He was too vested in his denial. It was not going to heal me to go into the details with him. I can see that now.
I don't talk with him anymore. Except for a casual hi, how are you, I don't communicate with him about my personal life anymore. It's been about two months maybe and I am fine with it.
The healing is up to me now. With the help of the group, the forum, and loving people that are here!
So thankful for that...
And just wanted to share...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Thats cool
It's a mile stone
it took me many, many years just to get to that piont.
I use to crawl into bed and lay in it for days after an
encounter with my father. I had a good job, a nice
family, a pretty nice cocy life. But nothing I did
was good enough for him. He's extreemly crtical
of me and everything that I do. he was actaully
ashame of me when i first got clean and sober.
Even 5-6 years into my recovery, I 'd still crawl
into bed after just visiting my parents.
Just this past years...the man just started going off
on me. i tried to stay calm. I even asked him to stop.
He was on a roll.lol He was basically drunk and
threw every bag of trick he had at me.
I wasn't as graceful as you. I had a taste of him
all my life.....mmm he finally had a taste of me.
All kinds of BS was coming out of his mouth.
He told me I was the source of his unhappiness.
Shoot....I pop in maybe once every other months
to visit.
Imagian that...he called the cops on me.
I didn't care....I wasn't going to have anymore
of the freaken BS. The cops showed up and almost
arrested him.
It was very upsetting never the less.
I was in tears after. I'm a 40 years old grown man.
I nevered want to scream back at my parents.
I don't hate my father. I love him very much.
We are not close. We can still sit in the same room.
But I'll bet he'll think once or twice, now...before
he starts throwing rocks at me.
It made a profound change in my life.
I don't put up with other peaple's BS either.
It's a mile stone
it took me many, many years just to get to that piont.
I use to crawl into bed and lay in it for days after an
encounter with my father. I had a good job, a nice
family, a pretty nice cocy life. But nothing I did
was good enough for him. He's extreemly crtical
of me and everything that I do. he was actaully
ashame of me when i first got clean and sober.
Even 5-6 years into my recovery, I 'd still crawl
into bed after just visiting my parents.
Just this past years...the man just started going off
on me. i tried to stay calm. I even asked him to stop.
He was on a roll.lol He was basically drunk and
threw every bag of trick he had at me.
I wasn't as graceful as you. I had a taste of him
all my life.....mmm he finally had a taste of me.
All kinds of BS was coming out of his mouth.
He told me I was the source of his unhappiness.
Shoot....I pop in maybe once every other months
to visit.
Imagian that...he called the cops on me.
I didn't care....I wasn't going to have anymore
of the freaken BS. The cops showed up and almost
arrested him.
It was very upsetting never the less.
I was in tears after. I'm a 40 years old grown man.
I nevered want to scream back at my parents.
I don't hate my father. I love him very much.
We are not close. We can still sit in the same room.
But I'll bet he'll think once or twice, now...before
he starts throwing rocks at me.
It made a profound change in my life.
I don't put up with other peaple's BS either.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
A couple of years ago
I came across an article about guilt and the criticle
vioce here on SR.
I followed the instrutions and applied it to
the best of my ablities.
Anyhow...i started observing the vioce.
First I thought it was my own vioce
You know.....I'm driving just having a nice day
then all of a sudend out of nowhere in my head.
" you suck..you're no good, you're worthless..
You'll never be good for anything..You can't
do this ..you'll never achive that"
As I observed more and more of the vioce.
It's suttle...in the background, a lite echo.
It's my DAD's vioce......
Just thought I share that. it helped me a lot.
I follow the instrutions given and havn't had
those critical vioces running in my head.
I came across an article about guilt and the criticle
vioce here on SR.
I followed the instrutions and applied it to
the best of my ablities.
Anyhow...i started observing the vioce.
First I thought it was my own vioce
You know.....I'm driving just having a nice day
then all of a sudend out of nowhere in my head.
" you suck..you're no good, you're worthless..
You'll never be good for anything..You can't
do this ..you'll never achive that"
As I observed more and more of the vioce.
It's suttle...in the background, a lite echo.
It's my DAD's vioce......
Just thought I share that. it helped me a lot.
I follow the instrutions given and havn't had
those critical vioces running in my head.
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