Enabling
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Enabling
Enabling
When 'Helping' Doesn't Help
~By Buddy T
The way that I understand the concept of enabling, it's anything that I do that might make it easier for the alcoholic to continue in the progression of the disease.
It is enabling if I do something to prevent the alcoholic from facing the natural consequences of their actions like:
•Bailing them out of jail instead of letting them sit there.
•Lying for them so they don't lose a job or are embarrassed.
•"Fixing" things so they don't get a DUI.
•Putting a roof over their head or food on their table when they should be doing that for themselves.
The reason for this is, until the alcoholic's drinking, thinking and behavior becomes painful enough they will not reach out for help. If I do something to prevent them from feeling that "pain" that would be a natural result of their own actions, I am preventing them from hitting a "bottom." I am putting "pillows" under them, so they don't even know they fell. If they never face the pain their drinking causes, why should they ever quit?
In my case, I did many, many things to enable the alcoholic, over and over again. I would love to be able to tell you, that when I finally stopped enabling the alcoholic she suddenly came to her senses and reached out for help. But the truth is- she just changed enablers!
But today I know that finally I started doing my part right. The alcoholic is still out there, but it's not because I have enabled her to continue. That lesson I have learned in Al-Anon has carried over to other relationships in my life. So, now when I meet other alcoholics in my life, I know better than to do anything to "rescue" them, from the consequences of their own actions.
When 'Helping' Doesn't Help
~By Buddy T
The way that I understand the concept of enabling, it's anything that I do that might make it easier for the alcoholic to continue in the progression of the disease.
It is enabling if I do something to prevent the alcoholic from facing the natural consequences of their actions like:
•Bailing them out of jail instead of letting them sit there.
•Lying for them so they don't lose a job or are embarrassed.
•"Fixing" things so they don't get a DUI.
•Putting a roof over their head or food on their table when they should be doing that for themselves.
The reason for this is, until the alcoholic's drinking, thinking and behavior becomes painful enough they will not reach out for help. If I do something to prevent them from feeling that "pain" that would be a natural result of their own actions, I am preventing them from hitting a "bottom." I am putting "pillows" under them, so they don't even know they fell. If they never face the pain their drinking causes, why should they ever quit?
In my case, I did many, many things to enable the alcoholic, over and over again. I would love to be able to tell you, that when I finally stopped enabling the alcoholic she suddenly came to her senses and reached out for help. But the truth is- she just changed enablers!
But today I know that finally I started doing my part right. The alcoholic is still out there, but it's not because I have enabled her to continue. That lesson I have learned in Al-Anon has carried over to other relationships in my life. So, now when I meet other alcoholics in my life, I know better than to do anything to "rescue" them, from the consequences of their own actions.
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