Opiate Taper - Trying to Be Sober by May 23rd. Need Your Support!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: alabama
Posts: 222
Snow-
I have been following your thread and rooting for you since the beginning. I think that it's great you have been honest with everyone through this process and all of that, but I think people are giving you a little too much slack here. I'm not buying it that you have to be back on the pills. Fact is, you fell off the wagon. Your story has changed so much and so many times.
Now you claim you are going to use opiates in a non-problematic, non-abusive way and think you will be able to because you didn't try to in the past? That's total bs and you know it. You tried that already since you were on here, remember your taper plan to just take a few each day? Remind yourself how that turned out. You are back on the same ride you were before.
What about your claim that this time was it? You had completely cut off your source and that was that. It was going to be impossible for you to get opiates from there on out. You weren't hardcore so you didn't have to worry about getting drugs from anywhere but your doctor and your doctor was never going to prescribe them for you after this? You refused to come completely clean with your doctor and now you are back to where you were before. If an addict wants their drug bad enough, they will find a way to get it and that is what has happened here.
I don't mean to be the turd in the punchbowl here and burst your bubble, but you don't have this figured out as much as you'd like to think you do (and maybe you have even convinced yourself you do). You need to do some serious evaluating of what the truth is in the situation. Anyone can get through withdrawals but the real battle begins after that in staying clean and you have failed in that regard. Sorry, but that is the truth.
Don't take this as a lack of support or anything like that. I am pulling for you and you know you have the support of everyone here but I am not going to pretend you have just succeeded in some profound way or that you are going to be able to pull off this responsible use fantasy you are having. If you were capable of using your prescription in a responsible way, you would not have been posting on this forum. The fact is, you have a drug problem and you need help. That means facing that fact head on. I am glad that you have a professional job that demands the respect of people and I know, firsthand, that in that position it can be hard to seek help. Believe me, there is help out there for people in just that position. Why not try a caduceus meeting? Why not try something. Getting through the withdrawals is not even half the battle. Ask yourself, what did you do to stay clean.
I hope that you can use this experience as a lesson to help you get and stay clean. Reach out for help. Again, I do not want to be mean but you came here to get clean and you are not clean. You came here to seek help in reaching that goal, not to convince everyone here that you can responsibly use opiates. Best of luck, I will be pulling for you.
I have been following your thread and rooting for you since the beginning. I think that it's great you have been honest with everyone through this process and all of that, but I think people are giving you a little too much slack here. I'm not buying it that you have to be back on the pills. Fact is, you fell off the wagon. Your story has changed so much and so many times.
Now you claim you are going to use opiates in a non-problematic, non-abusive way and think you will be able to because you didn't try to in the past? That's total bs and you know it. You tried that already since you were on here, remember your taper plan to just take a few each day? Remind yourself how that turned out. You are back on the same ride you were before.
What about your claim that this time was it? You had completely cut off your source and that was that. It was going to be impossible for you to get opiates from there on out. You weren't hardcore so you didn't have to worry about getting drugs from anywhere but your doctor and your doctor was never going to prescribe them for you after this? You refused to come completely clean with your doctor and now you are back to where you were before. If an addict wants their drug bad enough, they will find a way to get it and that is what has happened here.
I don't mean to be the turd in the punchbowl here and burst your bubble, but you don't have this figured out as much as you'd like to think you do (and maybe you have even convinced yourself you do). You need to do some serious evaluating of what the truth is in the situation. Anyone can get through withdrawals but the real battle begins after that in staying clean and you have failed in that regard. Sorry, but that is the truth.
Don't take this as a lack of support or anything like that. I am pulling for you and you know you have the support of everyone here but I am not going to pretend you have just succeeded in some profound way or that you are going to be able to pull off this responsible use fantasy you are having. If you were capable of using your prescription in a responsible way, you would not have been posting on this forum. The fact is, you have a drug problem and you need help. That means facing that fact head on. I am glad that you have a professional job that demands the respect of people and I know, firsthand, that in that position it can be hard to seek help. Believe me, there is help out there for people in just that position. Why not try a caduceus meeting? Why not try something. Getting through the withdrawals is not even half the battle. Ask yourself, what did you do to stay clean.
I hope that you can use this experience as a lesson to help you get and stay clean. Reach out for help. Again, I do not want to be mean but you came here to get clean and you are not clean. You came here to seek help in reaching that goal, not to convince everyone here that you can responsibly use opiates. Best of luck, I will be pulling for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Yes, Clean, you just said all the things I wanted to say but didn't -- pulled my punches so to speak.
The saddest part of this whole mess is the 8,000 people (as of this writing) who have read this thread, cheering Snow on and hoping for his success. I fear that some of those may think Snow made a good choice going back on narcotics.
But I think even Snow knows that was a seriously terrible choice.
The saddest part of this whole mess is the 8,000 people (as of this writing) who have read this thread, cheering Snow on and hoping for his success. I fear that some of those may think Snow made a good choice going back on narcotics.
But I think even Snow knows that was a seriously terrible choice.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
That's a good point, ft. To the uninitiated, it does look like a reasonable choice. It's so easy to think you can just go back and take them as directed. It's like an alcoholic saying they are going to "cut back".
It might work for Snow awhile. He has a pretty hefty rx and his tolerance will be down for a week or two. It won't end well, though.
It might work for Snow awhile. He has a pretty hefty rx and his tolerance will be down for a week or two. It won't end well, though.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
I have to say that I agree with what you say here but Snow has to find his own way just as we did. Everyone thinks they are different and maybe one in a trillion is. But....it is his life. It's a sorry thing to see, though, and I could see it coming. I guess many of us could, having been there ourselves. The pain of getting off opiates was like nothing I ever experienced. Only way out is through it.
Snow, if you're still reading. Think hard about starting down this road again.
Snow, if you're still reading. Think hard about starting down this road again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
All I can say is I wish you the very best and hope even while taking the opiates that you seek other alternatives. I appreciate your honesty and having the guts to come back here and tell us and I know that isn't easy.
Elseware is right though, Snow has to figure it out for himself. It is very hard watching someone make a decision you know will ultimately not be good for them but we all have our own path and Snow has to find his like everyone else.
I do believe people watching this thread will read everyone's advice and figure it out for themselves.
Elseware is right though, Snow has to figure it out for himself. It is very hard watching someone make a decision you know will ultimately not be good for them but we all have our own path and Snow has to find his like everyone else.
I do believe people watching this thread will read everyone's advice and figure it out for themselves.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,663
Originally Posted by FT 
The saddest part of this whole mess is the 8,000 people (as of this writing) who have read this thread, cheering Snow on and hoping for his success. I fear that some of those may think Snow made a good choice going back on narcotics.
But I think even Snow knows that was a seriously terrible choice.
But I think even Snow knows that was a seriously terrible choice.
Originally Posted by TiredEnough
That's a good point, ft. To the uninitiated, it does look like a reasonable choice. It's so easy to think you can just go back and take them as directed. It's like an alcoholic saying they are going to "cut back".
I think if anyone thinks Snow made a good choice they either had that option fixed in their mind already, or they didn't really read the many many great responses here from folks who've been there.
I think this has been a great thread, even if things haven't worked out for Snow the way I hoped they might.
I hope it might help others tho?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 40
I'm glad you checked in Snowflake and I applaud your willingness to face the music.
I don't have a lot to add to what others have said: FT did a terrific job describing the physical side and I agree completely with Clean's assessment. Opio's point about tolerance is important: a lot of recently relapsed addicts die because their brain craves a higher dose of the drug than their bodies are acclimated to. I don't know if you've been drug-free long enough to have reset you body, but please do take care.
I wish you luck with the moderation, addicts are notoriously bad at it, though many of us have used it as a mental bargaining chip when we weren't ready to stop.
After I quit for six months, I was able to stick to less than my prescribed dose for about a month. I had had a flare-up of my pain condition and while I could have toughed it out with opiates, I thought why not get one month's worth and then stop. Two years later I could barely function. My tolerance ballooned far beyond anything I could have imagined. I used to read stories on SR about people taking 5, 10, 15 pills a day and think those crazy people, I'll never be like that. By the end, I was using up to 240mg of hydrocodone a day and taking a shower became an accomplishment.
Please do read about the chemistry of addiction, your drug-dependant brain will take you places you could never imagine, it happens to every one of us who continue to use.
Best wishes to you Snowflake.
SD
I don't have a lot to add to what others have said: FT did a terrific job describing the physical side and I agree completely with Clean's assessment. Opio's point about tolerance is important: a lot of recently relapsed addicts die because their brain craves a higher dose of the drug than their bodies are acclimated to. I don't know if you've been drug-free long enough to have reset you body, but please do take care.
I wish you luck with the moderation, addicts are notoriously bad at it, though many of us have used it as a mental bargaining chip when we weren't ready to stop.
After I quit for six months, I was able to stick to less than my prescribed dose for about a month. I had had a flare-up of my pain condition and while I could have toughed it out with opiates, I thought why not get one month's worth and then stop. Two years later I could barely function. My tolerance ballooned far beyond anything I could have imagined. I used to read stories on SR about people taking 5, 10, 15 pills a day and think those crazy people, I'll never be like that. By the end, I was using up to 240mg of hydrocodone a day and taking a shower became an accomplishment.
Please do read about the chemistry of addiction, your drug-dependant brain will take you places you could never imagine, it happens to every one of us who continue to use.
Best wishes to you Snowflake.
SD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
FT, I equally fear the thought of 8,000 readers choosing not to ask for help at all because of the hostility they see they could be greeted with by some of the members on here if they are honest as to a choice they made, and that choice isn't deemed as "good" or is in fact deemed, "seriously terrible." Because you and cleaninalabama… your comments this afternoon have repelled me so far from wanting to share anything more about my life… I can tell you right now, if I were a new member and I read those same comments in response to someone else, I would have never made my original post on here asking for support.
If I really felt so self-righteous as to my decision to go back on the medication I would have disappeared from this site and never looked back. But feeling like that would be disrespectful to everyone who has tried to help me, I came back with my tail tucked between my legs, and admitted my decision to go back on the medication. I said I felt weak and guilty. I admitted knowing that my rationale for my decision was most likely invalid, that my plan was most likely doomed to fail, that I hoped others reading did not follow in my footsteps, I expressed continued gratitude to everyone, and that I would be continuously assessing and reassessing my progress.
I understand and I expected people to react with surprise, concern, sadness, disappointment and frustration. But as if I didn’t already feel bad enough, what I didn’t expect was for people to respond with anger…for me to be villainized for my problem…to be put on trial…and to be made to feel like I would be potentially to blame for any current or future reader’s substance use problem getting worse because of my decision.
If you feel anger towards me and a need to kick me when I’m down, perhaps I’m not the only one in need of self-reflection. Most of you have found a way to express support for me despite your disappointment, in a way that hasn’t totally made me want to assume a fetal position in my closet and not come out, and I really appreciate that – more than you can ever know. But to cleaninalabama, don’t destroy me then tell me “best of luck” and that you’re “pulling for me” in the next sentence.
The last thing I want to say is that there is something wrong when people feel they can only private message expressions of kindness, unconditional support and encouragement in response to my decision, for fear their message would be deemed as condoning my decision. Thankfully, I did receive messages of this sort and am grateful for it. It’s amazing how helpful a person can be just by being kind.
If I really felt so self-righteous as to my decision to go back on the medication I would have disappeared from this site and never looked back. But feeling like that would be disrespectful to everyone who has tried to help me, I came back with my tail tucked between my legs, and admitted my decision to go back on the medication. I said I felt weak and guilty. I admitted knowing that my rationale for my decision was most likely invalid, that my plan was most likely doomed to fail, that I hoped others reading did not follow in my footsteps, I expressed continued gratitude to everyone, and that I would be continuously assessing and reassessing my progress.
I understand and I expected people to react with surprise, concern, sadness, disappointment and frustration. But as if I didn’t already feel bad enough, what I didn’t expect was for people to respond with anger…for me to be villainized for my problem…to be put on trial…and to be made to feel like I would be potentially to blame for any current or future reader’s substance use problem getting worse because of my decision.
If you feel anger towards me and a need to kick me when I’m down, perhaps I’m not the only one in need of self-reflection. Most of you have found a way to express support for me despite your disappointment, in a way that hasn’t totally made me want to assume a fetal position in my closet and not come out, and I really appreciate that – more than you can ever know. But to cleaninalabama, don’t destroy me then tell me “best of luck” and that you’re “pulling for me” in the next sentence.
The last thing I want to say is that there is something wrong when people feel they can only private message expressions of kindness, unconditional support and encouragement in response to my decision, for fear their message would be deemed as condoning my decision. Thankfully, I did receive messages of this sort and am grateful for it. It’s amazing how helpful a person can be just by being kind.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,663
I'm sorry you feel that way Snow.
As you know, I've been an honorary member of this thread for a while and I've removed several posts that broke our rule 4.
This time, I don't agree that the posts you mention are unfair abusive or insulting.
I don't think they breached any rule.
I understand you don't like what they say, and I understand why you don't like them, but this is a discussion forum - you won't always have responses you like.
Some of the people who pissed me off the most were the people who later helped me the most, cos they gave it to me straight, no BS.
I hope in time you'll see that here.
I hope this won't keep you away from SR but whatever happens I genuinely wish you the best.
D
As you know, I've been an honorary member of this thread for a while and I've removed several posts that broke our rule 4.
This time, I don't agree that the posts you mention are unfair abusive or insulting.
I don't think they breached any rule.
I understand you don't like what they say, and I understand why you don't like them, but this is a discussion forum - you won't always have responses you like.
Some of the people who pissed me off the most were the people who later helped me the most, cos they gave it to me straight, no BS.
I hope in time you'll see that here.
I hope this won't keep you away from SR but whatever happens I genuinely wish you the best.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Well, Snow.
Thank you again for your honesty.
I am actually glad to hear a little indignation from you, because it tells me you heard my words. I am sorry they stung. Believe it or not, I did pull my punches. I did want to shake you hard and kick your butt, but it isn't because I don't like you. Just the opposite. None of us would give you the time of day if your story did not resonate within all of us.
The point was not to make you feel bad -- we know you already feel bad, and if feeling bad worked, you would have quit narcotics a long time ago without our help. Feeling bad about what you are doing is what brought you here to begin with.
Reading back through my posts, I don't see anger or hostility in my words, and none was intended. I hope you read back through them again.
As to self-reflection, yes I do a lot of that. It's why I apologized to you more than once here, after a knee-jerk response. I did jump on you a little bit.
As to private messaging, I don't do that anymore. With anyone -- well with few exceptions. I left SR once before because it got too intense for me, and shut it all down including PM's. Sometimes an "anonymous" website starts to feel too personal, at least to me.
If it matters, I came back to SR because it helps keep me on track, reminds me of how hard it is to quit, reminds me not to go back to opiate using. I have more than one physical condition that would make it easy for me to get a prescription. I just know it is a bad idea for all the reasons I talked about maybe three or four posts ago.
The other reason I keep coming back is because I hope that maybe someone else can be helped by my experiences. I have personally been vastly helped by the likes of cleaninLI and others who kept me honest, too. Everyone has their story, and others' stories have helped me tremendously. Maybe my story can help someone, too.
This thread has more than 8,000 hits now (pardon the pun), and I'll end on that. None of us should forget that the people who post on these threads are but a small fraction of those who actually READ these posts. We never hear from most of them -- but SR helps a LOT of people, not just those who are brave enough to come on here and post. Being anonymous does not mean you don't feel "exposed," so you should be proud of having come here and shared your story with us, Snow. A lot of people will benefit from it -- at least I hope so.
FT
Thank you again for your honesty.
I am actually glad to hear a little indignation from you, because it tells me you heard my words. I am sorry they stung. Believe it or not, I did pull my punches. I did want to shake you hard and kick your butt, but it isn't because I don't like you. Just the opposite. None of us would give you the time of day if your story did not resonate within all of us.
The point was not to make you feel bad -- we know you already feel bad, and if feeling bad worked, you would have quit narcotics a long time ago without our help. Feeling bad about what you are doing is what brought you here to begin with.
Reading back through my posts, I don't see anger or hostility in my words, and none was intended. I hope you read back through them again.
As to self-reflection, yes I do a lot of that. It's why I apologized to you more than once here, after a knee-jerk response. I did jump on you a little bit.
As to private messaging, I don't do that anymore. With anyone -- well with few exceptions. I left SR once before because it got too intense for me, and shut it all down including PM's. Sometimes an "anonymous" website starts to feel too personal, at least to me.
If it matters, I came back to SR because it helps keep me on track, reminds me of how hard it is to quit, reminds me not to go back to opiate using. I have more than one physical condition that would make it easy for me to get a prescription. I just know it is a bad idea for all the reasons I talked about maybe three or four posts ago.
The other reason I keep coming back is because I hope that maybe someone else can be helped by my experiences. I have personally been vastly helped by the likes of cleaninLI and others who kept me honest, too. Everyone has their story, and others' stories have helped me tremendously. Maybe my story can help someone, too.
This thread has more than 8,000 hits now (pardon the pun), and I'll end on that. None of us should forget that the people who post on these threads are but a small fraction of those who actually READ these posts. We never hear from most of them -- but SR helps a LOT of people, not just those who are brave enough to come on here and post. Being anonymous does not mean you don't feel "exposed," so you should be proud of having come here and shared your story with us, Snow. A lot of people will benefit from it -- at least I hope so.
FT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Snow, no one on here is trying to hurt or upset you. Please believe that. We are telling you real life stories. Things we have lived through. Things we learned the hard way. There is no example better than one gained from experience. I want to say that I, too, was just like you. So sure that I could control everything. Like you, I was a like a mother bear protecting her cubs when it came to my stash of pills. And grew real angry and defensive if anyone (like my husband) suggested I had a problem. Until I was down to ONLY pills. No life whatsoever. Rarely bothered to get dressed. Sick all the time. Never high anymore. I realized I was only going to go down from there. That's when I quit. I did a slow taper over six weeks. And I've been slowly rebuilding my life. I still have a pretty bleak life. But it's better than before and getting better every day.
I know that feeling of craving pills so bad....then you get some and rapidly grab a couple and chew them up so they go to work faster......before you even start the car..... a VICIOUS, DESPERATE cycle that won't leave you. We all know this feeling. You have to walk away and mean it. Believe me the pain lets up after a while. Please believe me!
I guess I'm writing to help you understand you don't need to be defensive about what is said here. We just would rather you not have to go through what many of us have gone through. You would not have come here if you had not wanted help. We are giving it to you. It's hard to take sometimes.
Drug addiction wastes so much of your precious life.
I know that feeling of craving pills so bad....then you get some and rapidly grab a couple and chew them up so they go to work faster......before you even start the car..... a VICIOUS, DESPERATE cycle that won't leave you. We all know this feeling. You have to walk away and mean it. Believe me the pain lets up after a while. Please believe me!
I guess I'm writing to help you understand you don't need to be defensive about what is said here. We just would rather you not have to go through what many of us have gone through. You would not have come here if you had not wanted help. We are giving it to you. It's hard to take sometimes.
Drug addiction wastes so much of your precious life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Extremely well said, Elsewhere!
Addiction is very isolating, so it fascinates me to hear others describe something I went through and thought I had to be the ONLY one who ever felt that way. The part about rapidly grabbing a couple of pills and chewing them up to work faster -- OMG -- yes, yes, and yes -- I used to grab a Full Throttle energy drink and down my pills with that to make them dissolve fast. Yes. In my car. In the pharmacy parking lot. Before even starting the car. Then feeling good for the first time in DAYS, but feeling good for only a short burst of time until the next dose.
Yes, is was a vicious, desperate cycle. I drive past that pharmacy now, and -- crazy as it seems -- crave that rush I felt in the parking lot, even if it only lasted a minute. I have to remind myself how sick I felt leading up to that rush, and how seldom I ever got to feel it. Yet chased it continuously.
Yes, this is what we want to spare you. Opiates WILL consume your life if you continue on this path.
FT
Addiction is very isolating, so it fascinates me to hear others describe something I went through and thought I had to be the ONLY one who ever felt that way. The part about rapidly grabbing a couple of pills and chewing them up to work faster -- OMG -- yes, yes, and yes -- I used to grab a Full Throttle energy drink and down my pills with that to make them dissolve fast. Yes. In my car. In the pharmacy parking lot. Before even starting the car. Then feeling good for the first time in DAYS, but feeling good for only a short burst of time until the next dose.
Yes, is was a vicious, desperate cycle. I drive past that pharmacy now, and -- crazy as it seems -- crave that rush I felt in the parking lot, even if it only lasted a minute. I have to remind myself how sick I felt leading up to that rush, and how seldom I ever got to feel it. Yet chased it continuously.
Yes, this is what we want to spare you. Opiates WILL consume your life if you continue on this path.
FT
Mamahawk
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
You all know I took several at the same time. (12-14) I would pick mine up and while driving 80 mph on the way home I would be ripping my drink open and toss them back all at once. It would gag me and sometimes I would throw up all over myself in the car. I would get home with tea vomit all over me and have to tell my family I started coughing and couldn't stop or I spilled my drink. Sometimes I would try to sneak in and get to the bathroom without anyone seeing me. I know this is gross but this is what we are trying to spare you snow. You will get to these places. You won't be able to stop. Unless you do. Now. Right now.
Mamahawk
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Snow I just feel like I could tell you story after story (I have lots) and it just won't matter until you are ready. If you read back through your pots you will see you have contradicted yourself many times. Right now you are lashing out because you are defensive about your decision to use when you KNOW you should not. I wish I could help you. I want to, I try to but I know NO ONE could help me until I was ready to be helped. We all have to reach that place, our bottom of the pit, before we can change. You just aren't there yet. Some never get there. I've been in your shoes to many times to count so I'm not judging you, just wishing for your sake you could see the truth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 173
Mama, I'm not trying to come across like I'm defending my choice, or am proud of it, because I'm not. I'm mad because some of you attacked me for being honest and reporting what I did, when doing so was so difficult. Would you all have preferred I just keep posting with smiley faces and saying how great and wonderful everything is, while getting back on the pills secretly? Because that's what it feels like.
I'm not proud or happy about my choice. When I said why I made it, it wasn’t to excuse it – it was just to clarify that it was not just about me craving the drug and wanting to get high. I was in real pain. I understand now that it was probably was a rough patch and I should of gave it more time, but my baseline is not great either. Sure, it’s relatively mild compared to having a broken and dislocated shoulder, but it is still something for which I still have not yet found relief except for these damn opiates. I tried the bath with Epsom salts, showers, OTC medications, Ibuprofen 800, Mobic, yoga, changing my diet, exercise… none of it worked for me. I still haven’t tried acupuncture yet. But just because opiates work, doesn’t mean I’m happy to be taking them. You all keep pointing out how I came here seeking help as if I don’t know that. I have destroyed my stash twice now. I hate these pills. I really did think I removed my access to them, but I was wrong.
But you don’t help someone by antagonizing someone, no matter how many times you say I’m not trying to hurt you, or make you feel bad or whatever you say. And yes, I did find it very cruel for FT to raise the issue of how many readers are watching this play out - that was a low blow, and you know it. I’m not happy to be on these pills again. I feel sick about it. I feel sick to know that I disappointed so many of you. But you won’t need to feel disappointed for too long because I can tell you I know… I realize… this is not going to work out. I know it’s going to go back to the way it used to be and likely worse. My life sucks right now. Sucks.
I'm not proud or happy about my choice. When I said why I made it, it wasn’t to excuse it – it was just to clarify that it was not just about me craving the drug and wanting to get high. I was in real pain. I understand now that it was probably was a rough patch and I should of gave it more time, but my baseline is not great either. Sure, it’s relatively mild compared to having a broken and dislocated shoulder, but it is still something for which I still have not yet found relief except for these damn opiates. I tried the bath with Epsom salts, showers, OTC medications, Ibuprofen 800, Mobic, yoga, changing my diet, exercise… none of it worked for me. I still haven’t tried acupuncture yet. But just because opiates work, doesn’t mean I’m happy to be taking them. You all keep pointing out how I came here seeking help as if I don’t know that. I have destroyed my stash twice now. I hate these pills. I really did think I removed my access to them, but I was wrong.
But you don’t help someone by antagonizing someone, no matter how many times you say I’m not trying to hurt you, or make you feel bad or whatever you say. And yes, I did find it very cruel for FT to raise the issue of how many readers are watching this play out - that was a low blow, and you know it. I’m not happy to be on these pills again. I feel sick about it. I feel sick to know that I disappointed so many of you. But you won’t need to feel disappointed for too long because I can tell you I know… I realize… this is not going to work out. I know it’s going to go back to the way it used to be and likely worse. My life sucks right now. Sucks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Snow if you feel your choice wasn't the right one, you could always plan another try at this. I don't know if you know my story but this time was a relapse. I had 5 years clean and went back to the pills. It took 5 years of ruining my life before I admitted to myself and others I was wrong. You just admitted it after only a few days! Wow that's awesome Snow!
So why not give this another try? So you lost this battle....no big deal. You know how many times I've read on this board people stumbling on the first go....lots of times! Ok so it is what it is...get up...dust yourself off and start anew. You know when the war is lost? When you stop fighting. I don't see that with you Snow....I don't see you giving up and retreating. You know why? Because you are a fighter and you know what these pills will lead to. You are a strong person Snow.....you are strong and honest......I also see you value your dignity. Awesome qualities to have and to fight to keep.
So why not give this another try? So you lost this battle....no big deal. You know how many times I've read on this board people stumbling on the first go....lots of times! Ok so it is what it is...get up...dust yourself off and start anew. You know when the war is lost? When you stop fighting. I don't see that with you Snow....I don't see you giving up and retreating. You know why? Because you are a fighter and you know what these pills will lead to. You are a strong person Snow.....you are strong and honest......I also see you value your dignity. Awesome qualities to have and to fight to keep.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
