herewegoagain1

I typed this long post and it disappearded. So to make my long story short. I am a wife of a addicted husband. We have 2 girls 1 toddler 1 pre teen. My husband for our whole marriage has been addicted to something. Alcohol, meth, xanax, pills, coke, blah blah. Here is some history. 6 yrs ago I found out my husband was a meth addict, life got crazy, painful, and blurry for me. He had been on meth for 2 yrs I think b4 I found it in his pocket. I tried to help him but due to the unpredictability of him and this drug I left for a yr with my oldest girl who was a pre schooler then. We were gone for 1 yr then my husband and I got back together got in church life was good for 2 yrs. We got out of church I got preg with my youngest he started drinking AGAIN. I swore that I would leave if he ever drank ha here I am still. Well for the last yr and a half he has lost weight been shady, distant, etc. He is always at work lol ok or at his garage. He chooses to stear clear of us (myself, and our girls) After confronting him over and over he finally admitted he was on pills roxy, oxy, and hydro whatever he could get. NO he has not had a injury he takes these just bc he wants too. Anyhow he looks awful, lost 20 lbs, moody, eats junk food (unusual), hygeine is horrible, etc etc. I plan on leaving bc his addiction has ruined our lives. My daughter the pre teen is a mess she has anxiety issues (im sure from the fighting and non stable life we have here) His parents my in laws do not know of his problem. He has begged me not to tell due to his dads health issues. My husband DOES NOT see the problem he is causing. He knows I am plannning to leave and still does not change his behavior. When he first told me about his addiction I offered to help as mad as I was and am for all the lies, missing money, avoidence of us, I made him an apt to a outpatient clinic for help he was going to go but of course had a excuse as to why he couldnt go. 4 wks I offered to help he put it off. Now he says he does not want to go. His lying is insane, I have so much anger and resentment towards him for what he has done to me and our girls. my oldest has seen so much from the violent moods from the meth in the past to slobbering drunk to now absent dad all day who passes out on the couch and never spends time with us. I am at wits end. I am numb, I am tired. When I think of moving out and having stability with my girls I feel so much relief and happiness inside but yet my oldest is upset and cries she doesnt want to leave daddy. I dont know what to do. He spends 100 a wk on pills!!!!! that is crazy. I sometimes wonder if he is on something else since he has lost some much weight. But he still eats some and sleeps. Help I feel so lost confused and alone. I want to tell his mom but rather wait till I am about to move so the girls dont hv to deal with the tension from the secret being out. Someone I NEED ADVICE...

Dee74

Welcoem to SR herewegoagain

I'm sorry for your situation.
You'll find a lot of support here

You may want to check out our Family and Friends forums too - you'll find a lot of advice down there as well

D

finaltime

Since I am the addict and my husband is in your shoes, I can try and tell you what I think..I am an opiate addict myself, have lied and lied and lied, all to recently been busted last week by my 13 month old daughter carrying out my pills???? Talk about shameful. Well, first, I can say I would no longer keep anything a secret. He doesn't want his family to know due to his guilt. I am in the same boat as him with that, however I am now clean 4 days and promise to try and try and try, and if I can't stay clean I will tell my family everything. However, if he is not willing to get help (he is not ready and you can't make him) I would highly suggest getting away so your daughters don't witness the anger and resentment and him laying on the couch out of it daily. But that is just my recommendation, you can only do what is best for you. Since I am the addict, I really really need my husbands support, but if he left me and took my daughter, I would wake up faster than I ever have and want help ASAP, but that is because they mean the world to me. But, you can't make anyone be ready to quit, they have to want to quit. Since he has a long history of abuse, him quitting on his own sounds tough, but can be done. I don't have much room to talk since I have lied, spent way more then a 100 a week on pills for over a year, and am only on day 4 of being clean. But I am trying. Have a heart to heat with him. If it was me, I would have his family over asap and do a full blown intervention! Make sure your daughters are not there of course. Keep posting!

LadyNoBinge

Welcome herewegoagain 1, thank you for reaching out, that was very brave.
I have been where you are and I know the insanity and heartbreak you feel. It is truly awful. Please feel free to private message me if you like. Have you ever been to a Nar-Anon meeting? It sounds like you could use the support of people going through the same thing you are.
Secrets make people sick. You do not have to keep his use from his parents if you do not want to. Preventing crises and cleaning up after the addict is enabling, and will further his addiction and your resentment.
Please remember you are never alone, this site is full of wonderful people, Dee is right, Friends and Family would be a great place to post as well.
Praying for you. xo

herewegoagain1

Thank you for your honesty especially coming from the other end of the situation. I just cant take this anymore. He came home today (he was off but as always takes off to his garage on the weekends) happy, talking and talking, singing, acting totally not like he had been. The boy was just flat happy! What is wrong with this picture? I have come to the conclusion I have no idea what else he is on, or if he is just happy on pills today. I do believe leaving is the best option right now simply bc the effects this is having on my oldest girl and the fact my anger and resentment is full blown. I believe I need to heal as well and find myself as silly as that sounds. I have been so caught up in his addiction I feel like I forgot who I am. I feel as tho I cant be the mom I want to be with all this bottled up anger. Then I tell myself what if I leave who will take care of him who will watch him and what if by my leaving he decides to take a lot of pills while he is drinking then what. This has been my mentality for so long. Always what if. I do have so much guilt about leaving like if something bad happens I provoked it by me leaving. Then there is how do I explain this to my daughter to minimize her pain. ughhhhh. I do want to say congrats on being sober 4 days. You can do it! I will keep you in my prayers along with all the others dealing with these situations. I know either side is hard. I try telling my husband its easy for him he pops some pills and feels great while I sit here with my lil angels and we all deal with the pain. We dont get to numb our pain let alone understand how to handle it.

Good luck to you, stay strong, and keep faith.

herewegoagain1

No I have never been to a Nar Anon meeting but have checked into them. I know I am an enabler for sure. Thing is when he was on the Meth before I told his mom after leaving him. She just seemed to think I was insane that he did not have a problem. This hurt me bc I needed her to help. I guess I just dont want to deal with it so I try to sweep it under a rug. I have came so close to telling her but I dont want her to have to worry like I do. At the same time I am so exhausted from caring all this weight of all these problems on myself. I did tell his sister and she checks on us daily and is being supportive. She also supports me leaving. I just hate that here I am again a new day same ole crap. I just want to be happy. I cant sleep good anymore, I get nervous when he comes home simply bc I am soooo mad that he continues to not be the dad he should be. What angers me the most is his failure to see how this is hurting us. Obviously my anger stemmed from being hurt, betrayed, lied too, feeling alone, etc. He just cant see it tho. My question for all is will pills cause such a weight loss? He craves candy sweets etc all the time at night, why? He drinks coffee before bed, thats not normal? Do opiate addicts neglect hygeine?

sissy07

herewegoagain1,

It sounds to me like he may be on meth again - the hysterical happiness, the weight loss, the craving for sweets....just my opinion.

As for yourself and your daughters, I think leaving or not is a decision that you need to make. I hope that you look for some support though, ASAP - be it counselors, nar-anon, relatives, whatever. It sounds like inpatient rehab would be ideal for him. Get some advice from professionals....you shouldn't continue to try to do this alone - it is too much.