herewegoagain1

I typed this long post and it disappearded. So to make my long story short. I am a wife of a addicted husband. We have 2 girls 1 toddler 1 pre teen. My husband for our whole marriage has been addicted to something. Alcohol, meth, xanax, pills, coke, blah blah. Here is some history. 6 yrs ago I found out my husband was a meth addict, life got crazy, painful, and blurry for me. He had been on meth for 2 yrs I think b4 I found it in his pocket. I tried to help him but due to the unpredictability of him and this drug I left for a yr with my oldest girl who was a pre schooler then. We were gone for 1 yr then my husband and I got back together got in church life was good for 2 yrs. We got out of church I got preg with my youngest he started drinking AGAIN. I swore that I would leave if he ever drank ha here I am still. Well for the last yr and a half he has lost weight been shady, distant, etc. He is always at work lol ok or at his garage. He chooses to stear clear of us (myself, and our girls) After confronting him over and over he finally admitted he was on pills roxy, oxy, and hydro whatever he could get. NO he has not had a injury he takes these just bc he wants too. Anyhow he looks awful, lost 20 lbs, moody, eats junk food (unusual), hygeine is horrible, etc etc. I plan on leaving bc his addiction has ruined our lives. My daughter the pre teen is a mess she has anxiety issues (im sure from the fighting and non stable life we have here) His parents my in laws do not know of his problem. He has begged me not to tell due to his dads health issues. My husband DOES NOT see the problem he is causing. He knows I am plannning to leave and still does not change his behavior. When he first told me about his addiction I offered to help as mad as I was and am for all the lies, missing money, avoidence of us, I made him an apt to a outpatient clinic for help he was going to go but of course had a excuse as to why he couldnt go. 4 wks I offered to help he put it off. Now he says he does not want to go. His lying is insane, I have so much anger and resentment towards him for what he has done to me and our girls. my oldest has seen so much from the violent moods from the meth in the past to slobbering drunk to now absent dad all day who passes out on the couch and never spends time with us. I am at wits end. I am numb, I am tired. When I think of moving out and having stability with my girls I feel so much relief and happiness inside but yet my oldest is upset and cries she doesnt want to leave daddy. I dont know what to do. He spends 100 a wk on pills!!!!! that is crazy. I sometimes wonder if he is on something else since he has lost some much weight. But he still eats some and sleeps. Help I feel so lost confused and alone. I want to tell his mom but rather wait till I am about to move so the girls dont hv to deal with the tension from the secret being out. Someone I NEED ADVICE...