Thank you for your honesty especially coming from the other end of the situation. I just cant take this anymore. He came home today (he was off but as always takes off to his garage on the weekends) happy, talking and talking, singing, acting totally not like he had been. The boy was just flat happy! What is wrong with this picture? I have come to the conclusion I have no idea what else he is on, or if he is just happy on pills today. I do believe leaving is the best option right now simply bc the effects this is having on my oldest girl and the fact my anger and resentment is full blown. I believe I need to heal as well and find myself as silly as that sounds. I have been so caught up in his addiction I feel like I forgot who I am. I feel as tho I cant be the mom I want to be with all this bottled up anger. Then I tell myself what if I leave who will take care of him who will watch him and what if by my leaving he decides to take a lot of pills while he is drinking then what. This has been my mentality for so long. Always what if. I do have so much guilt about leaving like if something bad happens I provoked it by me leaving. Then there is how do I explain this to my daughter to minimize her pain. ughhhhh. I do want to say congrats on being sober 4 days. You can do it! I will keep you in my prayers along with all the others dealing with these situations. I know either side is hard. I try telling my husband its easy for him he pops some pills and feels great while I sit here with my lil angels and we all deal with the pain. We dont get to numb our pain let alone understand how to handle it.
Good luck to you, stay strong, and keep faith.