Everyone else is happy?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 291
[I]what a great thread, thanks for starting this one, I absolutely love reading what you all have to say about this
I agree Happiness is something that happens when we aren't trying to be happy but rather doing things that make us feel good...be they great or small
and for this moment, enjoying this thread, I FEEL GOOD.
THANK YOU!! I]
I agree Happiness is something that happens when we aren't trying to be happy but rather doing things that make us feel good...be they great or small
and for this moment, enjoying this thread, I FEEL GOOD.
THANK YOU!! I]
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,662
I was unhappy for 40 years. It took me a year or two of hard work to get to a point where my default position was happy.
That doesn't mean I float along 2 inches off the ground with a blissed out smile LOL- some days are rough, other days are better...
but I'm grateful for what I have and I'm thankful for this second chance after years of addiction and abuse.
Like I said, my default setting is happy and content now. That's a stone cold miracle
As for other people - I've learned that my happiness is not dependant on other peoples happiness, and I figure like me, they only see the tip of the iceberg, not the 9/10 underneath the waves
D
That doesn't mean I float along 2 inches off the ground with a blissed out smile LOL- some days are rough, other days are better...
but I'm grateful for what I have and I'm thankful for this second chance after years of addiction and abuse.
Like I said, my default setting is happy and content now. That's a stone cold miracle
As for other people - I've learned that my happiness is not dependant on other peoples happiness, and I figure like me, they only see the tip of the iceberg, not the 9/10 underneath the waves
D
Last edited by Dee74; 11-18-2014 at 02:26 AM.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Everyone has their own battles and heartaches. No one gets through this life on a rainbow.
I am really aware of what I have. There are millions who would swap my life for theirs.
Even as a drunk/addict, my life was better than a child prostitute or a street kid, or someone living in a war torn area. As a woman, I'm doubly lucky to live in a country where I have equal rights. I am not now being beaten up by my husband, either, and many women still endure that every day.
My life is better than 150 years ago, when I could have been in a workhouse or a lunatic asylum. My life is better than 400 years ago, when I probably would have burned as a witch. I haven't even lived through a war.
With all the horror and poverty on this planet, how can I not be grateful for peace in my country, my cosy little home, the food in my kitchen, electricity at the flick of a switch and water in my taps, and no violence in my personal life ?
I find it helpful to look at this big picture whenever I'm feeling as if the world is against me !
Not that I don't have bad days, or selfish days, and I am pretty self -centred most of the time, but these simple things are a blessing compared to the millions of people who live with real poverty, danger and uncertainty in their daily lives.
And now I have been given a second chance in life by being able to be sober and clean.
For me, that's as close to contentment as I can get, my friend.
I am really aware of what I have. There are millions who would swap my life for theirs.
Even as a drunk/addict, my life was better than a child prostitute or a street kid, or someone living in a war torn area. As a woman, I'm doubly lucky to live in a country where I have equal rights. I am not now being beaten up by my husband, either, and many women still endure that every day.
My life is better than 150 years ago, when I could have been in a workhouse or a lunatic asylum. My life is better than 400 years ago, when I probably would have burned as a witch. I haven't even lived through a war.
With all the horror and poverty on this planet, how can I not be grateful for peace in my country, my cosy little home, the food in my kitchen, electricity at the flick of a switch and water in my taps, and no violence in my personal life ?
I find it helpful to look at this big picture whenever I'm feeling as if the world is against me !
Not that I don't have bad days, or selfish days, and I am pretty self -centred most of the time, but these simple things are a blessing compared to the millions of people who live with real poverty, danger and uncertainty in their daily lives.
And now I have been given a second chance in life by being able to be sober and clean.
For me, that's as close to contentment as I can get, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Norway
Posts: 194
Wastinglife, you commented on my first post in here, and it's stayed with med and given me a LOT to think about. If making a difference in someone else's life can create at least a little spark of joy, consider yourself ecstatic. You made a huge impact (and yes, I've read most of your posts in here, turning into a stalker.)
Having always had a hard time finding joy in my own life, I try to make other people feel better, hoping what goes around comes around. Like a lot of people here say, treat yourself and others with kindness. Going to bed knowing I've done no harm is good, after a few years of generating total destruction.
Other days it's like Chilly says; fake it till you make it.
Having always had a hard time finding joy in my own life, I try to make other people feel better, hoping what goes around comes around. Like a lot of people here say, treat yourself and others with kindness. Going to bed knowing I've done no harm is good, after a few years of generating total destruction.
Other days it's like Chilly says; fake it till you make it.
Thankful for this community
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
No, I don't put on an act for other people. That is not to say I readily pull people down on my off days, I feel no need to negatively impact other people.
I used to be happy, this I know, but somewhere along the line these feelings became dull, then polluted. Excessive drinking certainly had a hand in that. Perhaps some depression, I'm not sure.
I worry too much...ruminating they say and I see how that, in excess, also contributes to how I have felt in recent years. There is something to be said for self awareness, but I can tend to swirl and swirl :-)
I am very grateful for my life, everything in it, and the opportunity I had and continue to have.
Being grateful does not make me happy, and this conundrum has perplexed me greatly in recent years. I continue to work on happiness, which for me often means simplicity in a world of increasing complexity. Simple pleasures.
Wastinglife, you should be very proud of what you have accomplished so far in your sobriety. You can do good things. We can all do good things.
I used to be happy, this I know, but somewhere along the line these feelings became dull, then polluted. Excessive drinking certainly had a hand in that. Perhaps some depression, I'm not sure.
I worry too much...ruminating they say and I see how that, in excess, also contributes to how I have felt in recent years. There is something to be said for self awareness, but I can tend to swirl and swirl :-)
I am very grateful for my life, everything in it, and the opportunity I had and continue to have.
Being grateful does not make me happy, and this conundrum has perplexed me greatly in recent years. I continue to work on happiness, which for me often means simplicity in a world of increasing complexity. Simple pleasures.
Wastinglife, you should be very proud of what you have accomplished so far in your sobriety. You can do good things. We can all do good things.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
This post is reminding me of a quote I read, something like, "don't compare your insides to someone else's outside." I'm definitely one of those people who, especially in a professional setting, will respond, "great, how are you?" when someone asks how I'm doing. I think part of it is being very private. If I responded honestly that I was having a bad day, or tired, or whatever, I wouldn't want to deal with talking to some random person about it.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
We are, in a sense, slaves to our memories, and our memories are highly influenced by intensity and immediacy. I can be feeling good most of the day, but if something bad happens at the end of the day, or if something particularly bad happened during the day I would be quite likely to reflect that I had had a bad day. An intense event or a very recent event dominates my memory and therefore my perception of the entire day.
Like many others, when I first got sober it was after some recent and intense negative experiences. They dominated my memory and made me perceive that I was having an unhappy life.
Now I have some sober time, and with it some new and positive memories. I perceive my life much differently now.
Addicts are not known for their patience, but if you give it time, things turn.
Be well.
Like many others, when I first got sober it was after some recent and intense negative experiences. They dominated my memory and made me perceive that I was having an unhappy life.
Now I have some sober time, and with it some new and positive memories. I perceive my life much differently now.
Addicts are not known for their patience, but if you give it time, things turn.
Be well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
I think some people are happy most the time, have a sense of purpose and a sense of wanting to live life to the fullest most the time. I have a sister kind of like that.
Some of it is luck, some of it is a healthy mind and knowledge of how to adjust and confront troubles in life. They are in the minority it seems but I hope to be one of them some day.
Most people don't live with major depression and suicidal thoughts, something I like to remind myself if I start getting that way and feeling the whole world is hopeless. Most people are, I believe, more dysfunctional than they need to be, and less happy than they could be.
And yes, I've known many people who appeared to have great lives but turned out to have all kinds of secret issues when I got to know them.
Some of it is luck, some of it is a healthy mind and knowledge of how to adjust and confront troubles in life. They are in the minority it seems but I hope to be one of them some day.
Most people don't live with major depression and suicidal thoughts, something I like to remind myself if I start getting that way and feeling the whole world is hopeless. Most people are, I believe, more dysfunctional than they need to be, and less happy than they could be.
And yes, I've known many people who appeared to have great lives but turned out to have all kinds of secret issues when I got to know them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
I think some people are happy most the time, have a sense of purpose and a sense of wanting to live life to the fullest most the time. I have a sister kind of like that.
Some of it is luck, some of it is a healthy mind and knowledge of how to adjust and confront troubles in life. They are in the minority it seems but I hope to be one of them some day.
Most people don't live with major depression and suicidal thoughts, something I like to remind myself if I start getting that way and feeling the whole world is hopeless. Most people are, I believe, more dysfunctional than they need to be, and less happy than they could be.
And yes, I've known many people who appeared to have great lives but turned out to have all kinds of secret issues when I got to know them.
Some of it is luck, some of it is a healthy mind and knowledge of how to adjust and confront troubles in life. They are in the minority it seems but I hope to be one of them some day.
Most people don't live with major depression and suicidal thoughts, something I like to remind myself if I start getting that way and feeling the whole world is hopeless. Most people are, I believe, more dysfunctional than they need to be, and less happy than they could be.
And yes, I've known many people who appeared to have great lives but turned out to have all kinds of secret issues when I got to know them.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,465
I'm another chameleon in that I appear to always be happy and cheerful at work.
I'm outgoing, make lots of jokes, and am very supportive of others in my verbal exchanges.
Underneath, I may be neutral, sad, or angry but most would never even get a hint of that.
I was in an impossible care-giving situation with my toxic alcoholic mother for most of my professional life
and I was developing full-blown alcoholism on my own in part to cope with stress of that as well as extreme financial issues.
So who wants to hear about that when they ask "How are you?"
These days I am sober and my mom died years ago.
But I still keep up the facade of "Happy" most of the time when the real descriptor would be "Empty" I suppose.
I think I burned out my emotional circuit somehow with all that happened as an adult and as a child.
But I like what others have said about "Contentment" because that is often true for me.
I love being sober because I make smart decisions and don't do nearly as much stupid crap as when I drank.
I am grateful for what I have, and I try to live a life which contributes to the world rather than just taking or ignoring the plight of others.
I could do better at that but am working on it.
The comment made above about meditation also seems to be a positive step.
I'm not religious in any context but I do believe in spirituality--this question of what we are really and what we are here to do is something I find peace-inducing to think about and be with, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I suppose my point is don't assume that happy funny person at work is just what they appear.
We all do have our scars and stories underneath the superficial trappings we are expected to wear.
I'm outgoing, make lots of jokes, and am very supportive of others in my verbal exchanges.
Underneath, I may be neutral, sad, or angry but most would never even get a hint of that.
I was in an impossible care-giving situation with my toxic alcoholic mother for most of my professional life
and I was developing full-blown alcoholism on my own in part to cope with stress of that as well as extreme financial issues.
So who wants to hear about that when they ask "How are you?"
These days I am sober and my mom died years ago.
But I still keep up the facade of "Happy" most of the time when the real descriptor would be "Empty" I suppose.
I think I burned out my emotional circuit somehow with all that happened as an adult and as a child.
But I like what others have said about "Contentment" because that is often true for me.
I love being sober because I make smart decisions and don't do nearly as much stupid crap as when I drank.
I am grateful for what I have, and I try to live a life which contributes to the world rather than just taking or ignoring the plight of others.
I could do better at that but am working on it.
The comment made above about meditation also seems to be a positive step.
I'm not religious in any context but I do believe in spirituality--this question of what we are really and what we are here to do is something I find peace-inducing to think about and be with, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I suppose my point is don't assume that happy funny person at work is just what they appear.
We all do have our scars and stories underneath the superficial trappings we are expected to wear.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Sometimes I'm happy or sad, or annoyed or whatever... What I'm focusing on doing is actually feeling these emotions. I don't act! I'm 34 yrs old and this is my only life so I'm going to live it to the fullest, good days and bad. Negative emotions are normal and can be healthy. I will never numb myself I want to feel it ALL!!!
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