Thepatman

Hello Everyone,

Been up and down, in and out of sobriety that I feel like a recovery dildo.

Sorry for my language but I relapsed last night. HALT! It works!
I know what my trigger is, I am lonely as hell. 4 day weekend...

I worked out and sore, cleaned the house the backyard went for a walk and hated every second of it.

I am in an outpatient program, can detox safely, been doing this for way too long. Father died of cancer when I was 5, mother died of booze in 2007, I burned my bridges with family and on SR I fear.

As for my thread "change of plans" I am now at a lost.

I never wanted to go to AA, because my mom used to bring me there when I was young, bad memories for me. But I did call again last night and left a message, this is the 4 message I leave in a few months, nobody ever calls me back.

All I can say without crumbling is that I am sorry for trying to help newcomers when I cant hold my own **** in one piece.

Sorry for letting you down, having an Alcoholic self pity fit.

There is no easy way out.. No shortcut home to sobriety

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4eij5IGNNcc

Hevyn

How could you burn your bridges with us? Not going to happen. This is hard work ThePatman - and we know all too well what you're going through. As for helping newcomers - you are helping them - by sharing your journey, even with its ups and downs.

You are cared about here and you are not giving up on yourself. Keep going - you will do this yet.

Tiptree

You haven't let us down. You may relapse, it happens, but you have changed and can never really go back. You are not alone and you will persevere. Don't forget that SR needs you too!

least

Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

GreenEggsAndHam

Hevyn said it well.

Most of us have been there with the relapse. I know I have many times. That is alcoholism - it's not an easy road. We all help each other through our triumphs and missteps. Get back on the wagon now and don't let yourself use it as an excuse to continue drinking. We are here for you!

LooseGrip

Patman, you have helped me before and that is what this site is all about. It doesn't matter if you have 90 days, a year or 5 hours sober time. You have perspective. The loneliness is something I really relate to. Im single again now about 3 months and even though I live with my daughter and grand son...they live with me...I feel lonely a lot of the time. I miss having companion and friend. I am in AA and go to at least 1 meeting a week, but so far havnt reached out to make friends. I will eventually but I am taking it slow. Still I feel like I am missing out on life..not by being sober but by staying home most of the time. Do you have any friends in your outpatient program? Not understanding the part about calling AA and not getting a response?

happycampers

It's NOT that we slip that counts(that happens); it's whether we get right back up !
You CAN do this, Thepatman !

Anna

The only way you would let us down is if you give up. And you're not giving up.

I hope that you do whatever it takes to get sober and stay sober. You have learned that being lonely is a big trigger for you, as it is for many of us, so use that information and plan for the next time.

sugarbear1

sorry there isn't anyone returning your calls

I wish you sobriety, hun, you are worth it!

Stick here and come to the chat room some time!

Raider

Patman, sh$t happens. You know that. You didn't burn the SR bridge. We love you. Keep trying. Don't ever ever ever give up trying. You'll make it. Treat yourself kindly. Thinking of you Friend. Happy Easter.

SoberLeigh

You have not burned any bridges here on SR; we are solidly WITH YOU, just as you have proven to be solidly with the many people who post here; it is evident you care about us. We care about you.

The path to sobriety is never smooth nor straight. Quite often, it is not well-lit. The path that is right for you will become evident; keep looking for it; don't give up. Keep calling that AA number; keep posting here.

Everyone here is solidly in your corner.

MIRecovery

Maybe it is time to go to AA instead of waiting for AA to come to you. Just find a meeting and go. AA is all volunteers and if you called on Easter weekend likely no one volunteered.

Sobriety can be done but it is not done without a lot of effort

Thepatman

I agree MIRecovery, maybe it's time to pull harder on support.

Thepatman

Thanks, I will be calling until they get tired of my messages!

Thepatman

Merci Raider, I love you also, you are an inspiration to sobriety.

happycampers

quit calling and just find a meeting ! It's up to you to get out of your house and resolve your loniness. An AA meeting is a good starting point - now put on your shoes and get moving !

huntingtontx

Hi patman. I am glad you posted. I am glad you are reaching out, and I am glad you are here with us. You have helped a lot of people, and nothing can take away from that. Please keep helping, and reaching out and trying. That is what it is all about. Getting better, one day at a time. Sometimes one step forward, two steps back, but still trying. I will never give up on you. You are in my prayers.

MIRecovery

I have complaints with AA too but I always go back to the line, "What do you expect? The organization is run by a bunch of alcoholics."

AA does the best they can with what they have

Thepatman

Sugarbear, you are blessed, your quality post and have always supported me.

Every time you posted on my sorry threads have inspired me. Merci

sugarbear1

You are sweet, patman! Thank you very much

not sure why you are calling the AA office, can you not find a meeting?

Want a little inspiration, go to xa-speakers.org

or private message me for some links to online meetings, we have to start somewhere.

meetings exist so the newcomer may find us and then find a sponsor to work those steps with, that is where our perception changes and our self-knowledge really begins!

Hugs for a Happy Sober Day!!!