Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [4]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-31-2010, 05:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Just another day...
 
Fiona630's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 246
10 days sober

Hello all!

Today is day 10 for me. I have seen day 10 before. Each time I quit I think its different and will last and it doesn't. I guess each time I quit it is different, maybe taking me to the time that it really will stick..if that makes sense.

I have a bit of fear of staying sober because of my husband. Im afraid the feelings I have for him will change.(anyone see the move When a Man Loves a Woman with Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan?) He says he is supportive but then he acts like he isnt. In the past 10 days that I have not drank he has gone out 3 times and gotten drunk with friends, tonight being #3, and comes home just acting a fool and wanting to argue..all I hope is that he passes out.. I can't stand him when he drinks. I actually dread him coming home when he drinks and im sober. I cant stand the fighting. As we all know, you cant argue with a drunk. Anyways when I was drinking it didnt seem like it was him starting arguements, it seemed like it was me being an emotional train wreck. I have wondered if he is afraid of me sobering up. Im not going to let that get in my way of trying to get sober. For my health and sanity, I need to be sober. Im afraid of having yet another pancreatitis attack..the thought of killing off my pancreas and having to be an insulin dependant diabetic for the rest of my life all because I wanted to be drunk, sickens me.

We have moved from MI, where I was born and raised, to Iowa. In the country. There is nothing to do here but drink and watch corn grow. When we first moved here we managed to find all the people that drank. I have met 2 wives of some of these drinkers that do not because their husbands are such drunks and they wont give me the time of day..could be cuz everytime I saw them I was drunk. But I miss home and hate it here and that has been my excuse to drink even more. The husband and kid are happy here, but I am far from a country girl.

I finished school, have 2 useless degrees in our town. The closest spot for work in my field is 2 hours away, one way. That is too far to drive, esp come winter when these country roads will be hard to drive. So now Im looking for work in factories and even a resort that is hiring for housekeeping. Not exactly what I went to school for and to be thousands of dollars in debt for but its better then sitting here, feeling sorry for myself for moving here, wishing I could visit MI but cant because I dont have a job to get myself there and then drinking.

Otherwise than that, Im happy to wake up NOT hungover. Tho I have been sleeping, alot. I am eating more, think I have gained a couple pounds..oops.., I have more motivation to find a job, more clarity. I dont like the dreams I have been having the past few nights. I keep dreaming of drinking. That I drank and I was so mad at myself for doing it. I ruined my sobriety and had to start all over again. Really stupid but at the time it seemed so real.

My husband and I do have good times when both of us are sober. We love going to the movies, however, the movie theater here isnt like the big city. And the things we did in the city to pass time, besides drinking, we cant really do here.

Anyways..thanks for reading! sorry it's so long. I needed to share.

As Dora from Finding Nemo says..Just keep swimming!
__________________
~You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection~Buddha~
Fiona630 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Fiona630 For This Useful Post:
artsoul (08-31-2010), BungeJW (08-31-2010), firestorm090 (08-31-2010), Ozgirl (09-01-2010), topspin (08-31-2010)
Old 08-31-2010, 05:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 33,829
Hi Fiona and Welcome,

I understand your fear that your relationship will change as you are in recovery. It might because early recovery is a time of change. My relationship definitely changed, and my relationship with friends also changed. I removed some people from my life, and when I did that, other people appeared who became teachers and guides. It was really quite amazing.

Try to remember that you can do this with your husband's support, but you can do it without his support if you have to.

The best thing I did in very early recovery was to get outside of myself. I got involved in a volunteer position that truly changed my life.
__________________



Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Anna is online now  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Fiona630 (08-31-2010)
Old 08-31-2010, 06:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
SR Fan
 
artsoul's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,913
Hi Fiona - Big changes in your life recently...... Even if they're good changes, it's going to be somewhat stressful. Try to deal with things as they come and have faith in the process.

I really feel for you, having your husband out drinking and returning home drunk. I agree with Anna that the dynamics DO change when we get sober and it's not always an easy road. Wish I could make things better for you. Just continue to grow in your sobriety and do what's best for you. The job thing sounds like a good idea, too. Hang in there!!
artsoul is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to artsoul For This Useful Post:
Fiona630 (08-31-2010)
Old 08-31-2010, 06:25 PM   #4 (permalink)
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 7,881
You're probably right that your husband doesn't know what to do with a sober you. That makes it tougher, but not impossible. Have you looked into AA? In addition to helping you stay sober, you will make sober friends that will make you feel less lonely and more involved in life.

You could also look into some volunteer work. With all your education, you might be a real asset to some organization, and it might even lead to full-time work at some point. Just a thought. Believe it or not, sobriety can open up all KINDS of possibilities.
__________________
Lexie
~ one breath at a time
LexieCat is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
Fiona630 (08-31-2010)
Old 08-31-2010, 07:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
Just another day...
 
Fiona630's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 246
Thank you all!

At least with being sober and trying to get a job, people wont run into me and say hey, werent you that drunk girl at so and so's house? Then whisper to each other..dont hire her, she's a drunk, I saw her stumbling around and swearing up a storm. And being small town I so dont need the reputation of being new in town and a drunk. There are a few with the town drunk title already, I dont want to take that away from them! lol

As for a job, I know that will help my sanity, give me something to do. Id really like to find something that is home based tho. It just hard to find something that is real. I have a degree in Health Information Technology. You can work at home with this degree but you have to get hired in first..all full at the inn in this town. I also need to be very involved with my son and his school. He has severe dyslexia and I am tutoring him myself with the Susan Barton system. THe school has to make accomodations and while I can do a lot through emails, there will be meetings and I need to go to them so where ever I end up at will have to understand that my childs education comes first. The first time the school does not stick to the accomodations made on his IEP then I have to make sure I am there to correct it. I am my childs only advocate. Dyslexia is a funny thing. If your child has it you have a battle on your hands with schools. Most do not want to admit it is present. They rather say ur kid is lazy or doesnt pay attention. Nice to know schools will set your dyslexic child up to fail unless you can shell out at least $800 just to get them tested!! none of this is covered by insurance. My husband is is dyslexic himself and dealing with school stuff and reading he just cant do. He can read enough to get him by, but I always fill out everything for him. But the man could build an entire house, wire, plumbing, etc. by looking at pictures, as he did a house of ours back in MI.

As for AA..havent really thought much about it. I know of someone that goes to one. So I know they are here. I just dont know if its what I want yet. I went to meetings and a shrink when I was younger and my dad went from 7 years of sober to drinking again..some al-anon meetings I believe. Then i went to some meetings just for kids. I learned all about how that since my father was an alcoholic that chances are I would up some kind of "aholic" whether it be with work, alcohol, drugs, working out, food, etc..I remember thinking great..im doomed..lol..I wasnt very happy with it, tho I know it was for non alcoholics and Im sure its different for alcoholics, I dont know if Im ready for that..but Im keeping the thought of it there for now. I am seeing what else there is around me to help me. So far I have this group, my mother and a very supportive friend back in MI that I email, call and text all the time, and a supportive husband when he is home and sober. The urge to drink hasnt been bad, the thought of the hangover and how I act when I drink plus the blackouts scare that away fast. Plus I tell myself if my 12 yr old can get thru a day with raging hormones and attitude without drinking, shouldnt I? I think Im going to order a the book Under the Infuence this weekend.. any other suggestions?

With voluntering..I have thought about it. My counselor at school suggested it.I might look into it. It cant hurt esp. if I cant find anything. I will have to start paying on student loans come December. If I dont have a job I will have to go back to school to keep from paying on those loans and Im sooo burned out on school, its the furthest thing from my mind right now.

Thank you guys for being so supportive!
__________________
~You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection~Buddha~
Fiona630 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Fiona630 For This Useful Post:
topspin (08-31-2010)
Old 08-31-2010, 07:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 7,881
One book I really like when you are starting out and deciding how to stay sober is "Sober for Good" by Anne Fletcher. Lots of inspiring stories about people who have attained long-term sobriety with AA, other programs, combinations of methods, etc.

I spent a lot of time in Al-Anon, too (two marriages to alcoholics), but AA for YOURSELF is a whole other animal. If you've got a friend who goes, why not tag along? Couldn't hurt, and you don't have to stick with it if it isn't helpful.
__________________
Lexie
~ one breath at a time
LexieCat is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
Fiona630 (08-31-2010)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:55 PM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites