Thread: 10 days sober
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Old 08-31-2010, 05:21 PM
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Fiona630
Just another day...
 
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
10 days sober

Hello all!

Today is day 10 for me. I have seen day 10 before. Each time I quit I think its different and will last and it doesn't. I guess each time I quit it is different, maybe taking me to the time that it really will stick..if that makes sense.

I have a bit of fear of staying sober because of my husband. Im afraid the feelings I have for him will change.(anyone see the move When a Man Loves a Woman with Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan?) He says he is supportive but then he acts like he isnt. In the past 10 days that I have not drank he has gone out 3 times and gotten drunk with friends, tonight being #3, and comes home just acting a fool and wanting to argue..all I hope is that he passes out.. I can't stand him when he drinks. I actually dread him coming home when he drinks and im sober. I cant stand the fighting. As we all know, you cant argue with a drunk. Anyways when I was drinking it didnt seem like it was him starting arguements, it seemed like it was me being an emotional train wreck. I have wondered if he is afraid of me sobering up. Im not going to let that get in my way of trying to get sober. For my health and sanity, I need to be sober. Im afraid of having yet another pancreatitis attack..the thought of killing off my pancreas and having to be an insulin dependant diabetic for the rest of my life all because I wanted to be drunk, sickens me.

We have moved from MI, where I was born and raised, to Iowa. In the country. There is nothing to do here but drink and watch corn grow. When we first moved here we managed to find all the people that drank. I have met 2 wives of some of these drinkers that do not because their husbands are such drunks and they wont give me the time of day..could be cuz everytime I saw them I was drunk. But I miss home and hate it here and that has been my excuse to drink even more. The husband and kid are happy here, but I am far from a country girl.

I finished school, have 2 useless degrees in our town. The closest spot for work in my field is 2 hours away, one way. That is too far to drive, esp come winter when these country roads will be hard to drive. So now Im looking for work in factories and even a resort that is hiring for housekeeping. Not exactly what I went to school for and to be thousands of dollars in debt for but its better then sitting here, feeling sorry for myself for moving here, wishing I could visit MI but cant because I dont have a job to get myself there and then drinking.

Otherwise than that, Im happy to wake up NOT hungover. Tho I have been sleeping, alot. I am eating more, think I have gained a couple pounds..oops.., I have more motivation to find a job, more clarity. I dont like the dreams I have been having the past few nights. I keep dreaming of drinking. That I drank and I was so mad at myself for doing it. I ruined my sobriety and had to start all over again. Really stupid but at the time it seemed so real.

My husband and I do have good times when both of us are sober. We love going to the movies, however, the movie theater here isnt like the big city. And the things we did in the city to pass time, besides drinking, we cant really do here.

Anyways..thanks for reading! sorry it's so long. I needed to share.

As Dora from Finding Nemo says..Just keep swimming!
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