alaskasunshine

i am feeling an overwhelming sadness.........

Anna

Alaskasunshine,

Is there something in particular that is bothering you or could it \ be that you are grieving the loss of alcohol in your life?

Have you tried getting outside for some exercise or listening to some uplifting music? I hope you feel better soon.

Fandy

Anna, Alaska was snowed in the other day...I imagine her snow trumps anything we get down here....at least in NJ.

so i had that wine swirling image in the glass today...on the way back from signing my taxes, sigh, I wanted to stop and buy a nice bottle of cabernet...I went to the nursing home and spent a 1/2 an hour with my mother before she had dinner...back in the car, I searched my head for that image so I could obsess about it....i could drive to a liquor store out of the way that specializes in really nice wine....I teased myself and argued.....and drove to the mall and BedBath & Beyond.....I spent over an hour in the store, i bought food storage containers, my coveted "Windshield Wonder" and found 600 threadcount PIMA cotton sheets for a really good sale with my coupons..when I came out of the store it was dark, raining and cold....I came home, wrapped a birthday gift and walked over to my best friend's house down the street and spent a 1/2 hour with her chatting and admiring some art she painted on these really NICE glasses from the Dollar store...(a cheaper shopping experience than BBB to remember for another distraction)...the craving passed and i'm glad i made a reasonable decision.

I came back home, made a little dinner, did chores and now I see that baby cat's ears need a little cleaning...soon I will be very tired....but I am sober and tired...i can make a sensible decision or my health.

whiskers31

I will have a month on Saturday. First week I was a zombie, couldn't sleep, spacey. Second week, a little better, HUGE sugar cravings....unbelievable....I was never a huge sweets fan, but I was a candy and cake freak. Third week, so TIRED......but a good relaxed tired, started having some really good deep sleep and dreaming again. This week is going well so far. I did hang out with some drinking buddies to go to a hockey game, and I tell you what, being sober and hanging out with a couple of guys getting wasted is not very enjoyable, but it is enlightening. Their conversations (the conversations I used to partake in) are very boring, stupid, and immature. Most of their conversations were about where we were going to get beer, when do you want another beer, where do you buy your beer, got to take a leak, do you want a beer? The one friend I most likely will have to dump is constantly giving me heartburn about not drinking (want another coke, loser?)......I think he thinks I am not that serious and it is only a phase. He kept bugging me and I finally said "F...U.....", and I think he realized I am not screwing around this time. I quit before for six months, but it was more of "I am going to quit for six months" kinda challenge. I have now accepted I will never drink again. I was a binge drinker. I could go the whole week without drinking, work out, go to work, etc.....but come Friday and Saturday, those were "drinking" nights. Just beer, never a big liquor fan, but I could pound some beers....probably a 12 pack a night and then Sunday drinking also. I cannot drink just one or two beers....if I start, I will continue to drink. Some thoughts for the first month:

-when your mind starts thinking about drinking, just say "STOP", or distract yourself. My mind tries to do some rationalizations like, "see, you almost quit for a month, so you should reward yourself with a Guiness....you can have just one"...I just think of a stop sign or say "BS!!!"

- don't expect everything to be great and your life is now perfect. That might sound negative, but I had some really rough days where the cravings were bad and I started thinking, hey, I quit drinking for two weeks, everything should be great, what is going on? It's going to take some time for your body to get used to not drinking, be patient. A bad day sober is never as a bad as going back to the drinking routine. I'm learning new ways to deal with boredom, anxiety, stress.

- So much time! I have been more productive this last month than probably the previous six months. Created a huge "things I should of done years ago" list and am working on it.

- Tell as many close friends as possible that you have quit drinking for good. It has made me more accountable and determined.

I have been doing this mostly solo, but have been talking to my close friends about my mood and cravings, and they help me stay positive. This web site has been great also. I have a friend who has been sober for 20 years and he has been helpful also. I have not done AA yet, but am planning to next week. I'll check in again soon.

Fandy

welcome Whiskers! congrats on your month...you make some great valid points about distracting yourself....my early sobriety mirrors yours very much so...especially with the sugar cravings....(I have 8 boxes of dark chocolate cookies stock-piled and chocolates by the dozen)....i am trying to replace that with more fruit.

Sober Day #25 for me...thanks everyone for helping me!!!

Limbo75

Hello classmates

Just wanted to pop in and share that coming home was not only a breeze but in fact very lovely, the bottles in the house are not bothering me. Could not sleep the night before going home, felt so scared if I would make it or not so I sent a mail to the AA help site, got some wonderful answers that lifted the weight of my shoulders. I was reminded that just as I have no control over my drinking I have no control over my sobriety, leave it to my HP and leave out the I in the struggle. After realizing that sleep was good and coming home was a blessing and not a curse to deal with. Have had a lovely weekend and am now polishing of day 23 :-) Found my high again!

Hope you all are doing great and that the weekend is going well :-)

....also again, thanks for your support and your answers, Fandy I am proud of how you dealt with your craving!

Fandy

Thank you Limbo!!!! Today is Sober Day #26!!! and my 4th Sober Weekend in a row!!!

I fell back asleep after waking at4-6AM from my previously broken shoulder throbbing in the damp weather....it was wonderful to wake *late* at 10;34AM....this happened to me once last year, but only after drinking heavily.

Today I have plans to cook and bake some apple walnut bread..bring some to my mother for my sunday trip to the nursing home....i have lots of programs to watch and will enjoy just relaxing, do some exercise too....I am confident it will be a good sober day and that is an awful lot to be thankful for!!! along with a nice tax refund coming next weekend.....love that e-filing.

I have now completed my first bracelet too. it has 26 beaded cat's eye stones....tomorrow I am starting a blue lapis bead....silly yes, but the significance for me is a harmless habit.

alaskasunshine

well, i made it through the sadness without drinking. I am soo glad i didn't, i think about how much more sad I would be had I drank! My son and I are just hanging out. Nice, quiet weekend.
Glad to see everyone is doing, well, for the most part, and surviving with out alcohol.
I made it to a meeting. Are you all going to meetings?

Fandy

today is Sober Day #27....i began my 2nd beaded bracelet.

I was short-tempered yesterday (which is a trigger for me)...but I shut down the irritation and walked away from it...I am beginning to better understand what i need to do and how to avoid people that set me off...until I am stronger and better sure- footed in my sobriety....I don't need the extra pressure....i never run away from problems, but I think I need my own personal space right now...so I am being a little self-centered...before coming to SR, i never would have allowed myself to come first. Now i see that others do and why, so I feel justified.

rubycanoe

day 21 for me, 3 weeks sober today, first day sober 02/22. I am hoping what they say is true, if you can do 3 weeks you can do 6 weeks, you can do 3 months, 6 months etc... it will become a habit. I hope so!!

Dee74

hey guys,
I'm pleased to see you'll all still doing so well and hanging in there


D

Fandy

Sober Day #28!!! that is 4 weeks...much easier to resist than last week

i had to drag this thread back from the 2nd page....hope everyone else will join me.

AWOL

There's a good synergy in this class and it's great to see most here hanging in -- often against our own expectations. Yesterday I was helping out at a sporting event, and alcohol flowed freely the whole day. Then a group of us went to a rock concert and the booze was flowing freely again: beer, champagne, shorts, and longs. I drank ginger beer and coke, and reminded myself how i'd been wrecked at the same venue before and that this was the first time in years i was listening to a rock band sober. i felt calmer yesterday and in control. then last night i had a dream someone offered me half a glass of whiskey, and i downed it in one gulp! i felt so guilty when i woke up this morning, and it took me a while to realize it had only been a dream. phew, that was close... i wish my fellow students in this amazing class the very best in this ongoing journey, and i am really thankful for your support!

Anna

Good work, Fandy!

It's good to see everyone here supporting each other.

FuzzyFatSacks

23 days today! I find myself not obsessing as much the past few days and I am truly thankful for that. Life is feeling good lately. All these years I've been numbing myself because of things in the past that hurt me so much, but now that I'm not numb I realize I'm not hurting nearly as bad as I feared I would. It's pretty amazing.

Can't wait for the big 30. Going to treat myself to a fancy haircut and fancy dinner

Fandy

Sober Day #29...technically it's one month today...I had my last drink on February 15....it's a short month.

Anna

Fuzzy, I agree with what you said about dealing with past issues.

I think though, that for me, my recovery began at a time when I was more able to deal with the painful emotions. I think the timing had to be right. But, I would take dealing with life's ups and downs over dealing with myself while drinking, anytime.

Fandy, Good for you! Happy 1 month Birthday!

FuzzyFatSacks

The last day has been rough. One of our geckos is seriously ill and I'm just worried sick over it. Of course, my worry led me to thinking that I'm almost at 30 days and initially when I started this "dry" process I only intended to do 30 days. I know that I need to keep going with this because I AM an alcoholic. My worry/sadness about Zilla (gecko) is triggering me. Being sad happens...so does loss. Being sad does not give me permission to drink, but my brain sure is trying to use that as an excuse.

whiskers31

Day 30 for me......did a five mile run tonight and feel relaxed. Starting to lose a little weight. All of the sugar I was eating this past month was probably keeping my calorie count up. Sugar cravings are not too bad the past couple of days so I have cut down on the sugar immensely. Signed up for a 10k next month so I am training for that. Still very productive, so much more time. A little depressed about that, I have WASTED so much time, or either been wasted or recovering from being wasted. Going to a big spring party this weekend, but not too worried about the drinking temptation, I'll be playing in the band so I'll be focusing on that. I've noticed I am a lot better guitarist when sober.....and I always thought I needed to have a good buzz going to "get into it".....not true!.....take care...

AWOL

Whiskers... Nice one on going for the 10K, and I'll join you on that training run. Regret? yes that's me... have also been wasted and wasted half my life. but no more. I used to be a marathon runner, diver, climber, sports player. Then I became an athletic drunk. I drank myself into oblivion for years. Often went home unable to find where my bed was. In the past month have got myself out of the pub back on the road, into the forest, onto the sea. i can smell pine needles and see squirrels and hear the rush of wind through the trees. what an exchange for cigarette smoke, alcoholic breath, and the dull throbbing pain in my brain every morning after! On day 48 now.