I will have a month on Saturday. First week I was a zombie, couldn't sleep, spacey. Second week, a little better, HUGE sugar cravings....unbelievable....I was never a huge sweets fan, but I was a candy and cake freak. Third week, so TIRED......but a good relaxed tired, started having some really good deep sleep and dreaming again. This week is going well so far. I did hang out with some drinking buddies to go to a hockey game, and I tell you what, being sober and hanging out with a couple of guys getting wasted is not very enjoyable, but it is enlightening. Their conversations (the conversations I used to partake in) are very boring, stupid, and immature. Most of their conversations were about where we were going to get beer, when do you want another beer, where do you buy your beer, got to take a leak, do you want a beer? The one friend I most likely will have to dump is constantly giving me heartburn about not drinking (want another coke, loser?)......I think he thinks I am not that serious and it is only a phase. He kept bugging me and I finally said "F...U.....", and I think he realized I am not screwing around this time. I quit before for six months, but it was more of "I am going to quit for six months" kinda challenge. I have now accepted I will never drink again. I was a binge drinker. I could go the whole week without drinking, work out, go to work, etc.....but come Friday and Saturday, those were "drinking" nights. Just beer, never a big liquor fan, but I could pound some beers....probably a 12 pack a night and then Sunday drinking also. I cannot drink just one or two beers....if I start, I will continue to drink. Some thoughts for the first month:
-when your mind starts thinking about drinking, just say "STOP", or distract yourself. My mind tries to do some rationalizations like, "see, you almost quit for a month, so you should reward yourself with a Guiness....you can have just one"...I just think of a stop sign or say "BS!!!"
- don't expect everything to be great and your life is now perfect. That might sound negative, but I had some really rough days where the cravings were bad and I started thinking, hey, I quit drinking for two weeks, everything should be great, what is going on? It's going to take some time for your body to get used to not drinking, be patient. A bad day sober is never as a bad as going back to the drinking routine. I'm learning new ways to deal with boredom, anxiety, stress.
- So much time! I have been more productive this last month than probably the previous six months. Created a huge "things I should of done years ago" list and am working on it.
- Tell as many close friends as possible that you have quit drinking for good. It has made me more accountable and determined.
I have been doing this mostly solo, but have been talking to my close friends about my mood and cravings, and they help me stay positive. This web site has been great also. I have a friend who has been sober for 20 years and he has been helpful also. I have not done AA yet, but am planning to next week. I'll check in again soon.