God help me get through today, because I feel like I am ready to cave...
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by gerryP 
Hey Sweets,
I was in a similar situation years ago where I was STUCK where I was living for a time and yes, it can be hell.
My suggestions are the same as the other here. While it's not the way you might choose to live daily you will need to change that for your sanity and sobriety. I spent most of the day out. I was working part time, but not everyday so on the days I wasn't I would walk for a couple of hours, read the paper in a coffee place, go to a library, volunteer a couple hours of the week at the food bank. I would plan outings for myself like go to 'Little Italy" in my city and check it out, walk from one end to another. Another day, i would go to a museum because I hadn't been in forever. Anything and everything that didn't cost much or nothing.
I know it's not how you might want to live right now, but I enjoyed it and still do some of that still from time to time. It's not perfect, but it will work for now. It won't always be like this. Don't drink Sweets, or things will never change.
Good luck and hang in.
I was in a similar situation years ago where I was STUCK where I was living for a time and yes, it can be hell.
My suggestions are the same as the other here. While it's not the way you might choose to live daily you will need to change that for your sanity and sobriety. I spent most of the day out. I was working part time, but not everyday so on the days I wasn't I would walk for a couple of hours, read the paper in a coffee place, go to a library, volunteer a couple hours of the week at the food bank. I would plan outings for myself like go to 'Little Italy" in my city and check it out, walk from one end to another. Another day, i would go to a museum because I hadn't been in forever. Anything and everything that didn't cost much or nothing.
I know it's not how you might want to live right now, but I enjoyed it and still do some of that still from time to time. It's not perfect, but it will work for now. It won't always be like this. Don't drink Sweets, or things will never change.
Good luck and hang in.
I am going to definitely try to be out as often as I can....and when I come in,as awkward as it is, I'm going to have to avoid as little convo as possible, which isn't healthy, but getting into screaming matches isn't healthy either...especially at this point in my life.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I don't suppose there's any possibility of talking it out with this person? Surely, they can't be enjoying the tension. Do they understand you're trying to recover? I do empathize with that horrible walking on eggs feeling.
Eternal optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Sweets79
I don't know where else to turn right now...For those of you who have been supporting me since I joined up last week...you might have read one post I made about my living situation...I don't want to go into too many details about it...But I have no where else to live right now, and I am not financially stable, so I am living with a roommate...I just got home from getting flowers and a gift for my Mother for Mother's Day...I was feeling pretty good this morning, but that ended quickly...
I swear to God, I feel like I am losing my mind, and if there was ever a time I needed to pick up a drink it would be now...I am not saying this for pity or attention, you all know my posts aren't like that...I am just truly at my witts end, and just been sober 2 weeks...This is so early on to be taking on all this stress...and this is just part of what's going on...There's also other personal issues that have been stressing me out, but this is topping everything else because it effects my living, my state of mind...which will effect my therapy and me staying sober
I swear to God, I feel like I am losing my mind, and if there was ever a time I needed to pick up a drink it would be now...I am not saying this for pity or attention, you all know my posts aren't like that...I am just truly at my witts end, and just been sober 2 weeks...This is so early on to be taking on all this stress...and this is just part of what's going on...There's also other personal issues that have been stressing me out, but this is topping everything else because it effects my living, my state of mind...which will effect my therapy and me staying sober
everyone reminded me drinking would make it worse -- they were right. Today I feel like I can cope again -- without a hangover and disappointment in myself.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Hevyn
I don't suppose there's any possibility of talking it out with this person? Surely, they can't be enjoying the tension. Do they understand you're trying to recover? I do empathize with that horrible walking on eggs feeling.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by prettypoison
Oh Sweets I do know how you are feeling right now. I was barely hanging on last night as a result of waaay too much stress and negativity weighing me down. I almost gave in. Please, please hold on. I didn't think I was going to make it. I posted and glued myself to my chair for 4 solid hours so I wouldn't leave my house and get alcohol. I know you probably feel like a raw nerve -- I sure did. I realize you have a very difficult situation to deal with -- I truly understand. I've been in a transitional 'homeless' position like yours many years ago, but I was actively drinking which only made my decision making skills go out the window. Keep posting and be strong -- you can do this! everyone reminded me drinking would make it worse -- they were right. Today I feel like I can cope again -- without a hangover and disappointment in myself.
everyone reminded me drinking would make it worse -- they were right. Today I feel like I can cope again -- without a hangover and disappointment in myself.Last edited by Sweets79; 05-09-2009 at 11:35 AM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 194
Sweets, I don't know your situation regarding meeting availability, but what works for me, if my regular meeting isn't available (CoDA), I attend AA meetings, have known to do it several times a week sometimes, just to be surrounded by recovering people of any kind. At least everyone is speaking the same "language" and all I do is sit quietly in the back and regain my serenity. Also, not sure about your spiritual beliefs, etc., but I find that any church is a good quiet place to go for meditation and reconnecting with serenity and HP. I love to go visit different ones, especially ones with beautiful stained glass windows and interesting architecture. I just sit quietly, when no services are being offered. It's very peaceful and helps me get back on track. Just some thoughts. Somedays it's one breath at a time. Just remember to breathe. hugs.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Thanks everyone for your replies...As I am sitting here, he is banging things,slamming cabinets, making tons of noise...stomping around...He is going to start in with me all day today...I know it, this isn't gonna end... What the hell do I do??? I can't take it...I think he wants to keep this going...I've been quiet...I swear to God, I think he really wants to see me relapse or go nuts.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Orlando Florida
Posts: 220
Ok sweets. I'm rooting for you. Your sobriety is something you need to do just for you. For your own improvement. For your own survival. Whether or not other people are jerks, hurtful, ungrateful, angry, resentful, should have no bearing on your decision to drink or not drink. You do not control those people. You will always encounter those people whether you are drunk or sober. You do control your decision to purchase alcohol and consume it.
Don't be paralyzed by the unbearable frustration of where you are stuck at now. What are your plans to get yourself the heck out of there? Focus on that and you will feel better knowing there is at least a plan to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
As for the appreciation of the effort you have put in to get to your two week mark, don't hold your breath for that. Unless someone has been an Alcoholic and in recovery, they have no clue whatsoever what that means. It's like a man understanding what it's like to have a Baby. Can never happen. Only other women that have had babies are in that club. I was sober 2 years before my 3 week relapse ending April 7. My wife of 25 years still acts all of my years of Alcoholism just happened yesterday. I only got blasted by her when I drank, ignored when I didn't drink. But I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for me. It is just coincedental that she gets to be a benificiary of my sobriety. When I was trying to do it for HER, I was allways going around full of resentment at making such a big sacrifice (by not drinking) on my part and she didn't appreciate it. That would inevitably lead me to another catastrophic relapse for revenge and to relieve my resentment. Of course I would be the one ending up in excruciating suffering from the Alcohol.
Right now I am trying not to seek happiness so much as to try and avoid misery (alcohol) at all costs. The happiness will come drifting back on it's own. I can wait. I can however nail the door shut on the misery by chosing not to drink. As long as I keep that door nailed shut, misery has to sit outside sulking and helpless. F you misery, I'm running the show now.
Don't be paralyzed by the unbearable frustration of where you are stuck at now. What are your plans to get yourself the heck out of there? Focus on that and you will feel better knowing there is at least a plan to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
As for the appreciation of the effort you have put in to get to your two week mark, don't hold your breath for that. Unless someone has been an Alcoholic and in recovery, they have no clue whatsoever what that means. It's like a man understanding what it's like to have a Baby. Can never happen. Only other women that have had babies are in that club. I was sober 2 years before my 3 week relapse ending April 7. My wife of 25 years still acts all of my years of Alcoholism just happened yesterday. I only got blasted by her when I drank, ignored when I didn't drink. But I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for me. It is just coincedental that she gets to be a benificiary of my sobriety. When I was trying to do it for HER, I was allways going around full of resentment at making such a big sacrifice (by not drinking) on my part and she didn't appreciate it. That would inevitably lead me to another catastrophic relapse for revenge and to relieve my resentment. Of course I would be the one ending up in excruciating suffering from the Alcohol.
Right now I am trying not to seek happiness so much as to try and avoid misery (alcohol) at all costs. The happiness will come drifting back on it's own. I can wait. I can however nail the door shut on the misery by chosing not to drink. As long as I keep that door nailed shut, misery has to sit outside sulking and helpless. F you misery, I'm running the show now.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
[QUOTE=Rad44;2223093]Ok sweets. I'm rooting for you. Your sobriety is something you need to do just for you. For your own improvement. For your own survival. Whether or not other people are jerks, hurtful, ungrateful, angry, resentful, should have no bearing on your decision to drink or not drink. You do not control those people. You will always encounter those people whether you are drunk or sober. You do control your decision to purchase alcohol and consume it.Don't be paralyzed by the unbearable frustration of where you are stuck at now. What are your plans to get yourself the heck out of there? Focus on that and you will feel better knowing there is at least a plan to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
As for the appreciation of the effort you have put in to get to your two week mark, don't hold your breath for that. Unless someone has been an Alcoholic and in recovery, they have no clue whatsoever what that means. It's like a man understanding what it's like to have a Baby. Can never happen. Only other women that have had babies are in that club. I was sober 2 years before my 3 week relapse ending April 7. My wife of 25 years still acts all of my years of Alcoholism just happened yesterday. I only got blasted by her when I drank, ignored when I didn't drink. But I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for me. It is just coincedental that she gets to be a benificiary of my sobriety. When I was trying to do it for HER, I was allways going around full of resentment at making such a big sacrifice (by not drinking) on my part and she didn't appreciate it. That would inevitably lead me to another catastrophic relapse for revenge and to relieve my resentment. Of course I would be the one ending up in excruciating suffering from the Alcohol.
Right now I am trying not to seek happiness so much as to try and avoid misery (alcohol) at all costs. The happiness will come drifting back on it's own. I can wait. I can however nail the door shut on the misery by chosing not to drink. As long as I keep that door nailed shut, misery has to sit outside sulking and helpless. F you misery, I'm running the show now.[/QUOTE]
Encouraging and inspiring words thank you...I know I can't control what other people do...but it's extra tough when you're in a living situation with them, ya know? There are so many more chances to get you aggravated, than a situation where you can just leave and not deal with them anymore...And as far as the last thing I highlighted that you said, I really like that, and I will think about that today.
As for the appreciation of the effort you have put in to get to your two week mark, don't hold your breath for that. Unless someone has been an Alcoholic and in recovery, they have no clue whatsoever what that means. It's like a man understanding what it's like to have a Baby. Can never happen. Only other women that have had babies are in that club. I was sober 2 years before my 3 week relapse ending April 7. My wife of 25 years still acts all of my years of Alcoholism just happened yesterday. I only got blasted by her when I drank, ignored when I didn't drink. But I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for me. It is just coincedental that she gets to be a benificiary of my sobriety. When I was trying to do it for HER, I was allways going around full of resentment at making such a big sacrifice (by not drinking) on my part and she didn't appreciate it. That would inevitably lead me to another catastrophic relapse for revenge and to relieve my resentment. Of course I would be the one ending up in excruciating suffering from the Alcohol.
Right now I am trying not to seek happiness so much as to try and avoid misery (alcohol) at all costs. The happiness will come drifting back on it's own. I can wait. I can however nail the door shut on the misery by chosing not to drink. As long as I keep that door nailed shut, misery has to sit outside sulking and helpless. F you misery, I'm running the show now.[/QUOTE]
Encouraging and inspiring words thank you...I know I can't control what other people do...but it's extra tough when you're in a living situation with them, ya know? There are so many more chances to get you aggravated, than a situation where you can just leave and not deal with them anymore...And as far as the last thing I highlighted that you said, I really like that, and I will think about that today.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
No AA meetings available on the weekend?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
((Sweets)) just reading your posts, I have been in your situation, you need to go out for the day and get away from your angry roomate, hopefully he or she will calm down. Hugs and prayers!!!If you stay there you might start feeling worse and you don't want that.. This to shall pass!!!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Originally Posted by Rad44
F you misery, I'm running the show now.
Every day life will throw obstacles at me. If not every day, every other day.
Every day I could come up with triggers, things I shouldn't have to endure sober
If I looked at it that way, I would have already lost.
I look at each challenge as an opportunity for me to grow. Right now you are in the middle of learning a valuable life lesson. Maybe the lesson will show you that you are stronger than you think. Maybe it will teach you an important lesson you need to move forward.
I myself am having a day where I need to disconnect from my life. I am way back, looking at things from the outside, because inside, they hurt to much. I have absolute faith that this is on my path for a reason, that I will survive, and I will learn and grow.
Doesn't mean it is easy, but I might not recognize the peaceful days when they came if it weren't for the turbulent ones before them.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by uglyeyes
Nice=)
Every day life will throw obstacles at me. If not every day, every other day.
Every day I could come up with triggers, things I shouldn't have to endure sober
If I looked at it that way, I would have already lost.
I look at each challenge as an opportunity for me to grow. Right now you are in the middle of learning a valuable life lesson. Maybe the lesson will show you that you are stronger than you think. Maybe it will teach you an important lesson you need to move forward.
I myself am having a day where I need to disconnect from my life. I am way back, looking at things from the outside, because inside, they hurt to much. I have absolute faith that this is on my path for a reason, that I will survive, and I will learn and grow.
Doesn't mean it is easy, but I might not recognize the peaceful days when they came if it weren't for the turbulent ones before them.
Every day life will throw obstacles at me. If not every day, every other day.
Every day I could come up with triggers, things I shouldn't have to endure sober
If I looked at it that way, I would have already lost.
I look at each challenge as an opportunity for me to grow. Right now you are in the middle of learning a valuable life lesson. Maybe the lesson will show you that you are stronger than you think. Maybe it will teach you an important lesson you need to move forward.
I myself am having a day where I need to disconnect from my life. I am way back, looking at things from the outside, because inside, they hurt to much. I have absolute faith that this is on my path for a reason, that I will survive, and I will learn and grow.
Doesn't mean it is easy, but I might not recognize the peaceful days when they came if it weren't for the turbulent ones before them.
Thank you for that.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by SerenityGirl
((Sweets)) just reading your posts, I have been in your situation, you need to go out for the day and get away from your angry roomate, hopefully he or she will calm down. Hugs and prayers!!!If you stay there you might start feeling worse and you don't want that.. This to shall pass!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((((Sweets))))))) Hang here with us. I promise you, it does get better. Do you have any good recovery material to read? Could you get out of the house to the local bookstore or library?
Do you keep a journal? Writing stuff down can help. I used to be so paranoid someone would find my journal and see how nuts I was I used to write it down in shorthand.
Can you clean out closets or something like that to keep busy?
Love,
Lenina
Do you keep a journal? Writing stuff down can help. I used to be so paranoid someone would find my journal and see how nuts I was I used to write it down in shorthand.
Can you clean out closets or something like that to keep busy?
Love,
Lenina
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Lenina
((((((Sweets))))))) Hang here with us. I promise you, it does get better. Do you have any good recovery material to read? Could you get out of the house to the local bookstore or library?
Do you keep a journal? Writing stuff down can help. I used to be so paranoid someone would find my journal and see how nuts I was I used to write it down in shorthand.
Can you clean out closets or something like that to keep busy?
Love,
Lenina
Do you keep a journal? Writing stuff down can help. I used to be so paranoid someone would find my journal and see how nuts I was I used to write it down in shorthand.
Can you clean out closets or something like that to keep busy?
Love,
Lenina
Thank you for your concern....When I get like this, nothing holds my interest, it's hard for me to concentrate...I know what you mean by keeping myself busy...thank you for the suggestions...so far I've just been posting, surfing the web...that's what seems to be helping somewhat...I'm very thankful to everyone on SR for understanding...I hope I can get through recovery, and get the hell out of here, and start a totally new life for myself ...That's the only thing that's keeping me going.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Hey Sweets—
Reading all of this, I sort of want to give you a kick in your pants, and say you have the power to change this situation. Sobriety definitely seems like your number one priority and you are doing an amazing job despite distractions. The thing is that you can totally minimize these distractions by making them priorities. I would make getting to an AA meeting this weekend a priority, a number one priority. Who cares about the drive? Who cares about the threat of a traffic ticket? Just be a prudent driver. Those are minor obstacles to get to a place where you can feel support and love from fellow alcoholics. Also there you could ask about resources for other living situations, such as sober living, so that you won't have to deal with someone who's energy is not only throwing you off today but has thrown you off many other days early on in your sobriety.
I have found that recovery is a balance between learning to tolerate uncomfortable situations and learning to advocate for yourself and creating good boundaries. You need to decide what you want and go for it.
Reading all of this, I sort of want to give you a kick in your pants, and say you have the power to change this situation. Sobriety definitely seems like your number one priority and you are doing an amazing job despite distractions. The thing is that you can totally minimize these distractions by making them priorities. I would make getting to an AA meeting this weekend a priority, a number one priority. Who cares about the drive? Who cares about the threat of a traffic ticket? Just be a prudent driver. Those are minor obstacles to get to a place where you can feel support and love from fellow alcoholics. Also there you could ask about resources for other living situations, such as sober living, so that you won't have to deal with someone who's energy is not only throwing you off today but has thrown you off many other days early on in your sobriety.
I have found that recovery is a balance between learning to tolerate uncomfortable situations and learning to advocate for yourself and creating good boundaries. You need to decide what you want and go for it.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by sfgirl
Hey Sweets—
Reading all of this, I sort of want to give you a kick in your pants, and say you have the power to change this situation. Sobriety definitely seems like your number one priority and you are doing an amazing job despite distractions. The thing is that you can totally minimize these distractions by making them priorities. I would make getting to an AA meeting this weekend a priority, a number one priority. Who cares about the drive? Who cares about the threat of a traffic ticket? Just be a prudent driver. Those are minor obstacles to get to a place where you can feel support and love from fellow alcoholics. Also there you could ask about resources for other living situations, such as sober living, so that you won't have to deal with someone who's energy is not only throwing you off today but has thrown you off many other days early on in your sobriety.
I have found that recovery is a balance between learning to tolerate uncomfortable situations and learning to advocate for yourself and creating good boundaries. You need to decide what you want and go for it.
Reading all of this, I sort of want to give you a kick in your pants, and say you have the power to change this situation. Sobriety definitely seems like your number one priority and you are doing an amazing job despite distractions. The thing is that you can totally minimize these distractions by making them priorities. I would make getting to an AA meeting this weekend a priority, a number one priority. Who cares about the drive? Who cares about the threat of a traffic ticket? Just be a prudent driver. Those are minor obstacles to get to a place where you can feel support and love from fellow alcoholics. Also there you could ask about resources for other living situations, such as sober living, so that you won't have to deal with someone who's energy is not only throwing you off today but has thrown you off many other days early on in your sobriety.
I have found that recovery is a balance between learning to tolerate uncomfortable situations and learning to advocate for yourself and creating good boundaries. You need to decide what you want and go for it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
I get that. What if you called the AA hotline. I think they sometimes pick people up? I am sure you can make it through the weekend. You seem really strong. I am just all about trying to make it as easy as possible for myself, especially early on....just a suggestion.
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