SoberLeigh

Welcome waywardson, Bmac and GroundHogDay.

(((petals)))).

petals

Thanks for all the support guys, it really does mean a lot.
i am going to lick my wounds over the weekend.... and have been told today that i will know where i will be placed in about two months....when two of my co-workers have decided where they want to go.....
any way.... off to bed now i think.xxx

Soberwolf

Sleep well (((Petals)))

waywardson8260

Thanks! Yes that song was always one of my favorites and the inspiration for my username.

Petals sorry about being moved- I know change is stressful. Where I work, they move people around all of the time. I hope it works out for the best.

waywardson8260

Thanks for the welcome everyone!

nymets86

Welcome Wayward!

Rough night for me cravings and social wise. I got stuck late at work, so my plan to go to my parents fell through. Got several calls/texts from friends to go out to watch the games tonight. Everyone was meeting up with someone who I hadn't seen in 5 years and really wanted to see. It was meeting at an apartment, not a bar, to watch the games, but I just could tell I was going to drink. So I stayed at home and watched all 4 games. I just started feeling like I was missing out when my friends face timed me to ask why I was being so lame and didn't come out and see our friend who we haven't seen in ages.

I kinda thought people would have just forgotten that I wasn't there, but that wasn't the case and I just felt super isolated and lonely and felt like I'd missed out.

But it's 12:42 and I'm totally sober, enjoyed the games, and am getting ready to watch Season 10 of Trailer Park Boys which was just released on Netflix.

Happy to be closing up Day 37 and starting Day 38 sober. Just wish it was easier.

Saskia

Mets, that sounds good! I know only too well how tough those cravings can be.

LonelyShadow

Nymets that's an absolutly heroic effort, good job staying sober. Chalk that one up as a massive WIN. I've had to be really firm to the point of being borderline aggressive with friends in the past who simply did not 'get it', it can often feel a bit bad to be missing out on some social occaisions, but remember the seriousness of the situation we're in here; This is actually life and death. I remind myself of that every time I somehow feel I'm missing out. Life and death, it doesn't get any more important than that.

It can lead to an uncomfrotable, ugly feeling of "Why can't I enjoy alcohol like everyone else? It's not fair " type of feeling that I had to let go of a long time ago. That's the hand I was dealt (Or dealt myself, either way it's the hand I have now) and I have to play the hand I have. Hey, some people can't walk, others can't see, I can't drink. Oh well.

I look to the benefits of a totally sober life. Health (Physcial and mental), monetary and social benefits as well as professional and personal successes that all start accruing as direct result of sobriety. I weigh those pure, euphoric positives up against the dull, moronic, self-indulgant and ever-so-brief buzz of a drunken night out.... I'm happy to stick with the Pepsi

nymets, you've inspired me already, stick true to your path you're nailing it.


(Oh and welcome to all the new members. Nice to meet you, I'm LonelyShadow but everyone calls me LS )

Soberwolf

Morning Unders

tootsl1

NYMets, do you have close friends who know that you have stopped drinking and why? It helps to be able to spend time with at least one person, who, even if they don't understand what you are going through, respects your decision and supports you. Just having that person along side can make socialising easier.
Sometimes you do have to choose isolation, especially in the early days and I love how you recognise the difference in your resilience morning and evening. But we also do have to begin to build up some good, happy sober memories to overlay the drunk ones, so we can remind orselves of the good time we can have without alcohol.

LS, even now I get those slumps and 'why me' feelings. I have to give myself a mental shake and remind myself that sobriety is a choice I have made. I choose to be sober because I don't like the me I am drunk, I have no respect for her. She wasn't the real me, she was the me who was controlled by her addiction. The me I am now chooses to live life sober. I could pick up a drink now if I want to, no one can prevent that, but I choose sobriety because then I can look myself in the mirror and feel pride, not shame.

nymets86

toots, no, I haven't told anybody outside of SR and my therapist that I'm trying to get sober. I know that I should do that, but deep down, part of me still is holding on to that stupid notion that I can later drink in moderation. That part of me also knows that moderation likely won't work out and I'll have more bad drinking spells and then if I've told people I was trying to get sober, my relapse will be truly horrible as I'll have let those people down.

I am trying to build up the courage to tell people and know that if I'm accountable to people outside of SR and my doctor, my sobriety will be all that much stronger, but I've been unable to get the words out.

And yeah, I chose isolation the last two nights over all the invites I had to go out. One I vite was from a friend that never gets drunk and maybe has three beers tops on a heavy night of drinking for him. He wanted to meet at a bar to watch some NCAA and I know that if I had gone, I was going to want to drink. While staying in both nights wasn't exactly a blast, I did stay 100% sober and am sitting here Sunday AM with a clear head and no crushing anxiety over what I might have said/done while drunk over the weekend, so I can live with that.

Gilmer

You made the right choice, Mets.

Saskia

Mets,

I've found that talking about my drinking with carefully selected people has helped to dissipate the feelings of shame. Although I was very reluctant to go to AA, it helped a great deal to have other alcoholics to connect with, especially in early sobriety when I didn't feel strong enough to be around others who drink.

Another thing that affected my attitude about potential future "moderation" is the progressive nature of alcoholism. I stopped several times for a number of years (over 10 years) and stopping then was relatively easy. This last time was incredibly hard. It took an enormous effort and lots of help. I've also recently experienced here the death of several due to their alcoholism. So I see this as an incredibly serious thing.

nymets86

Saskia,
Yeah, I know that moderation won't work. I've quit for short periods before, then moderated successfully for a short period after, then right back to where I was before, so I know that won't work. I guess call it my AV, but part of me does think that I can safely drink again. Or that this isolation thing can't go on forever and so I'll just have to drink.

For the time being, I'm not going to listen to that part of my brain and will just not drink one day or one week at a time. My urges to drink at home by myself are pretty much gone. I've identified why that's the case, at least I think. I drink at home since I don't have to worry about making an arse of mysef in public and when I'm actively drinking, the stress of worrying about what had happened during my last social drinking episode is too much to bear, so I'll drink alone. When I'm not drinking at all socially, I lose that desire to drink at home.

So while I sit here telling mysef that if I can just limit social drinking to once or twice a month, the logical part of my brain knows that will trigger drinking at home and other bad things.

I know I need to get up the courage to tell a few close friends and family that I'm staying sober, but I'm just not able to muster up that courage yet. Maybe when I have more sober time under my belt I'll be able to, I don't know.

waywardson8260

I know too well for me that I cannot drink moderately. I cannot have a couple of beers and be satisfied with that. I did try that several times and failed miserably.

For me I have to treat alcohol as poison and never take that first drink.

After two months sober I feel good about my ability to stay sober now, but it is still one day at a time. But like a lot of people I have gotten into somewhat of a rut. It is time to start enjoying life again sober!

DrakeCKC

I found it was easier to quit than moderate, based on numerous failures.

GroundhogDay

Petals, I am sorry about the stressful change at work. I am going back to work soon and am not looking forward to the inevitable office politics.

I am sober 90 days today. I feel happy, healthy, and mentally sharp. I don't seem to have the PAWS that so many others talk about.

Saskia

GroundHogDay, congrats on 90 days sober!

DrakeCKC

Congrats on 90 GHD!

Soberwolf

Evening Unders