One Year and Under Club Part 41
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I'm dreaming about that pistachio baklava.... Back to earth.
Frankie was nobody's fool, was no one to mess with, was raw, was miserable, was broken. But was there he was sharing his experience, giving away the tiny bit of strength he had, explaining the relationship between the 1st step and 1st tradition. That had never been described to me before. His ability and willingness to give instead of give up, under difficult circumstances, was inspirational. I hope and pray that today was a better day for him than yesterday, and the day before.
We got to chat with some of the folks afterwards, including an endearing woman who cracked Carlos and me up with her Ozzy Osbourne impersonation. We looked around and realized we weren't in Kansas anymore. Our surroundings looked completely different than they did earlier in the day, the lights up, the streets filled, the energy charged up. Carlos and I made our way to a nifty little Greek fast food shop, where we directed the sandwich makers to stuff pitas with falafel, hummus, turkish salad, cucumber salad, olives, pepperocini, you name it. We took a seat looking out on the street, which was teeming with Santas in various stages of inebriation. A Mrs. Claus, no more than 21 years old, who could have been one of Julia's friends, thought she was playing it cool by asking to feel our table decorations. Carlos excused himself for a minute while I listened to Mrs. Claus slur about the boy she liked, his girlfriend, and her best friend who also liked the same boy. The night was still very young, and this girl was close to blacking out, if not already there. In my addiction, I had my share of "meaningful" conversations with strangers that I couldn't be counted on to recall. When Carlos came back, I excused myself, and when I returned, I came upon Carlos holding court with a bunch of drunk 20 year old Santas. What a sight!!
As we made our way down the street we came upon a woman crying to a police officer, a flaming trash can, and tons of people out and about for the night in NYC. All good things must come to an end. We said our goodbyes near Penn Station...til next time.
Well Undies, I'm beat. Carlos will add any details I missed.
Frankie was nobody's fool, was no one to mess with, was raw, was miserable, was broken. But was there he was sharing his experience, giving away the tiny bit of strength he had, explaining the relationship between the 1st step and 1st tradition. That had never been described to me before. His ability and willingness to give instead of give up, under difficult circumstances, was inspirational. I hope and pray that today was a better day for him than yesterday, and the day before.
We got to chat with some of the folks afterwards, including an endearing woman who cracked Carlos and me up with her Ozzy Osbourne impersonation. We looked around and realized we weren't in Kansas anymore. Our surroundings looked completely different than they did earlier in the day, the lights up, the streets filled, the energy charged up. Carlos and I made our way to a nifty little Greek fast food shop, where we directed the sandwich makers to stuff pitas with falafel, hummus, turkish salad, cucumber salad, olives, pepperocini, you name it. We took a seat looking out on the street, which was teeming with Santas in various stages of inebriation. A Mrs. Claus, no more than 21 years old, who could have been one of Julia's friends, thought she was playing it cool by asking to feel our table decorations. Carlos excused himself for a minute while I listened to Mrs. Claus slur about the boy she liked, his girlfriend, and her best friend who also liked the same boy. The night was still very young, and this girl was close to blacking out, if not already there. In my addiction, I had my share of "meaningful" conversations with strangers that I couldn't be counted on to recall. When Carlos came back, I excused myself, and when I returned, I came upon Carlos holding court with a bunch of drunk 20 year old Santas. What a sight!!
As we made our way down the street we came upon a woman crying to a police officer, a flaming trash can, and tons of people out and about for the night in NYC. All good things must come to an end. We said our goodbyes near Penn Station...til next time.
Well Undies, I'm beat. Carlos will add any details I missed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Greets all Undies. I am still here. I had to take a break as I had tons to do and much music to learn. Tis the season you know. Had a priest ordination service tonight... good grief tons of pomp and all, being it was Episcopalian, there was lots of smoke too. Not good for the old voice. Have a gig Thurs, Fri, Sunday and then Christmas Eve.
Christmas Day is at a friend's with several other folks. We are doing tapas, paella and gazpacho for the day. It is our tradition to do non-traditional. Last year was New Orleans, next year we are going to do either Greek/Mediterranean or sushi. There will be lots of you-know-what there too, one of the guests owns a small distillery... I am sure he will have samples. But, they know I do not indulge and I will not be weak.
Going to go catch up.... you all been busy it seems.
Christmas Day is at a friend's with several other folks. We are doing tapas, paella and gazpacho for the day. It is our tradition to do non-traditional. Last year was New Orleans, next year we are going to do either Greek/Mediterranean or sushi. There will be lots of you-know-what there too, one of the guests owns a small distillery... I am sure he will have samples. But, they know I do not indulge and I will not be weak.
Going to go catch up.... you all been busy it seems.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Welcome SuePee. You're in a great place!
Sparky - I really like what you said in your post. When I stopped drinking, I didn't think expect (or want) much to change. I had been to therapy in my early 20s and had it all figured out, thankyouverymuch. And while it's possible that even as an active alcoholic I was more self aware than many of my cohorts, I realized when I stopped drinking that I didn't have it figured out - and then realized that I don't need to figure anything out at all. All I have to be is myself. Freedom, for sure.
As a parent I have struggled mightily with my boys' living up to my expectations. I wanted articulate, calm, smart children. One of my many triggers was when the oldest's behavior would highlight his adhd/high functioning autism, or when the youngest would behave roughly or impulsively. How sick is that?! My unrealistic expectations were without a doubt based on my social identity. They are great kids - smart, funny, sweet, strong, healthy, athletic, hard working - and a little rough around the edges. Like so many other things, acceptance is the key.
Tonight I went to an office holiday party. As I prepared to mingle and jingle with only holiday spirits, I briefly doubted whether I could do it. It went away when I got to the event and all was merry and bright. I enjoyed some snacks, sipped on water, and hung with my little posse. Later I ventured towards some supervisors, who were discussing the finer points of the wines being served. It didn't trigger me to drink, but suddenly I felt tongue tied. As a little kid, I was very shy, the quiet kind of shy person who waits for people to come to her and barely squeaks when spoken to. It was weird not to insert myself into the conversation about red wine, my former drink of choice. Fortunately my friend, who was only drinking water, carried me back into the conversation when she saw that I was cut off. I have sobriety and recovery to thank for being able to make good friends who care about me and who want to draw me into their conversations, and for the humility to accept their efforts to draw me in.
My drinking was out of control at this time last year. Usually I drank at home, but one of the last events I drank at was a work holiday party. I drank too much, finished some half full glasses while helping clean up, talked too much, and drove home drunk in the same area where I had been pinched for a DUI 3 1/2years prior. My husband was mad at me when I got home because I drank too much (his alcoholism is more controlled than mine was), drove drunk, and passed out early. I woke up on the kitchen floor at 3 in the morning, with my keys under the fridge, in a pile of crumbs. I crawled into bed, then when the alarm sounded in the morning I initiated intimacy with my husband to prevent him from complaining about my drinking. Then I went to my kids' hockey games miserable that I had to be there when I needed to be home sleeping off my hangover. And that's pretty much the way my life rolled the last 6 years before I quit drinking.
I thought I knew what I wanted out of life, how to get it, and had it. I thought I was happy. I thought I had it all figured out. Looking back, at nearly 10 months sober, it's becoming more clear how insane my life actually was.
Honestly, til I wrote it just now, I didn't realize how sick I was, or for how long. There is so much to learn, insights to be gained, and ways to grow every single day. I'm grateful to SR, in particular the Undies thread, for being a soft place to land during my recovery. Thanks, all.
Sparky - I really like what you said in your post. When I stopped drinking, I didn't think expect (or want) much to change. I had been to therapy in my early 20s and had it all figured out, thankyouverymuch. And while it's possible that even as an active alcoholic I was more self aware than many of my cohorts, I realized when I stopped drinking that I didn't have it figured out - and then realized that I don't need to figure anything out at all. All I have to be is myself. Freedom, for sure.
As a parent I have struggled mightily with my boys' living up to my expectations. I wanted articulate, calm, smart children. One of my many triggers was when the oldest's behavior would highlight his adhd/high functioning autism, or when the youngest would behave roughly or impulsively. How sick is that?! My unrealistic expectations were without a doubt based on my social identity. They are great kids - smart, funny, sweet, strong, healthy, athletic, hard working - and a little rough around the edges. Like so many other things, acceptance is the key.
Tonight I went to an office holiday party. As I prepared to mingle and jingle with only holiday spirits, I briefly doubted whether I could do it. It went away when I got to the event and all was merry and bright. I enjoyed some snacks, sipped on water, and hung with my little posse. Later I ventured towards some supervisors, who were discussing the finer points of the wines being served. It didn't trigger me to drink
, but suddenly I felt tongue tied. As a little kid, I was very shy, the quiet kind of shy person who waits for people to come to her and barely squeaks when spoken to. It was weird not to insert myself into the conversation about red wine, my former drink of choice. Fortunately my friend, who was only drinking water, carried me back into the conversation when she saw that I was cut off. I have sobriety and recovery to thank for being able to make good friends who care about me and who want to draw me into their conversations, and for the humility to accept their efforts to draw me in. My drinking was out of control at this time last year. Usually I drank at home, but one of the last events I drank at was a work holiday party. I drank too much, finished some half full glasses while helping clean up, talked too much, and drove home drunk in the same area where I had been pinched for a DUI 3 1/2years prior. My husband was mad at me when I got home because I drank too much (his alcoholism is more controlled than mine was), drove drunk, and passed out early. I woke up on the kitchen floor at 3 in the morning, with my keys under the fridge, in a pile of crumbs. I crawled into bed, then when the alarm sounded in the morning I initiated intimacy with my husband to prevent him from complaining about my drinking. Then I went to my kids' hockey games miserable that I had to be there when I needed to be home sleeping off my hangover. And that's pretty much the way my life rolled the last 6 years before I quit drinking.
I thought I knew what I wanted out of life, how to get it, and had it. I thought I was happy. I thought I had it all figured out. Looking back, at nearly 10 months sober, it's becoming more clear how insane my life actually was.
Honestly, til I wrote it just now, I didn't realize how sick I was, or for how long. There is so much to learn, insights to be gained, and ways to grow every single day. I'm grateful to SR, in particular the Undies thread, for being a soft place to land during my recovery. Thanks, all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
So many great posts I just got caught up on. Thanks everyone for sharing.
I am so tired. Last night was the work party. Lots of drinking except for myself and my 2 sober co workers and I had a blast. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile, to the point of crying I was laughing so hard and almost peed my pants haha. It was great to have so much fun while sober.
Off to bed to catch up on some much needed rest!
I am so tired. Last night was the work party. Lots of drinking except for myself and my 2 sober co workers and I had a blast. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile, to the point of crying I was laughing so hard and almost peed my pants haha. It was great to have so much fun while sober.
Off to bed to catch up on some much needed rest!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Hi all just wanted to let everyone know the interview went really, really well, got on great with the interviewers and had a detailed, competent and engaging answer for every question I hear the result of the interview today! If I don't get it at least I'll know I gave it my absolute best and that alcohol wasn't a factor in any stage of this process.
There wasn't much AV activity leading up to the interview but once it was over I had the occasional thought of drinking, but these were rare and light, which is amazing really. Through a combination of mindfulness meditation and AVRT I think i've found what works for me.
I strongly recommend AVRT to anybody struggling with the 12 step approach.
Thanks for the support as ever y'all
Peace and strength!
There wasn't much AV activity leading up to the interview but once it was over I had the occasional thought of drinking, but these were rare and light, which is amazing really. Through a combination of mindfulness meditation and AVRT I think i've found what works for me.
I strongly recommend AVRT to anybody struggling with the 12 step approach.
Thanks for the support as ever y'all
Peace and strength!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
LS, I hope you get the job. No matter what happens, you have a great attitude about it. It's so amazing to see the difference in your posts. It wasn't that long ago that you were struggling and now you sound grounded. :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
LS fingers crossed you get the job!
Well another day of womping.
I had a crazy real feeling drinking dream that took place as if it happened this week. I had relapsed and was on the couch drinking beers and my 2 friends found out and I remember in the dream walking up ashamed that I blew it since my 6 months mark is this sat. Glad it was just a dream
Well another day of womping.
I had a crazy real feeling drinking dream that took place as if it happened this week. I had relapsed and was on the couch drinking beers and my 2 friends found out and I remember in the dream walking up ashamed that I blew it since my 6 months mark is this sat. Glad it was just a dream
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Originally Posted by SparkyMcSparky 
Amazing how insane our pre-sober lives look in the rear view mirror, yet they seemed so "normal" at the time.
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