One Year & Under Club Part 30
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome JJ 
Just basing it on the days/weeks when my legs won't let me get outside. Even 15 mins in the sun can be magnificent
D
Haha, Dee your post was a vivid reminder. I stopped to really think it through. I did two days in jail the last time too. I can honestly say they were pretty bad. I'm sure you can get comfortable with being treated like a sub human, but that probably exceeds 20 days.
Today I am grateful for....
Today I am grateful for....
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 36
I appreciate the warm welcome from everyone. I am amazed by how supportive everyone has been here. My wife and son are out of the house tonight, luckily I have plenty of homework that I need to be sober for!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Carlos - It's healthy to be upset about your punishment. I'd be a bit concerned if you thought it was all hunkie-dorie. This is a perfectly fine venue to vent about it. I have to say that the strength of your sobriety shines through because, in the next breath, you're able to tell us what's great about your life. That's strength, character, honesty, wisdom, and class all rolled into one. Your optimism is inspiring. You'll get through this and we all will get to read your ruminations on sobriety.
Toots - I have a bright cheery picture in my mind of your inner child. Your advice has stuck in my head all day. It's still a-churnin' up there, working on it.
Else & Gilmer - sorry to hear you're similar moods to mine. It's not painful like a "stick in the eye" (Gilmer I lol'd on that one), but it's funky, for sure. Hugs all around! We need them! Sobriety has opened me up to the beauty in vulnerability.
Drake - beautiful singing, by the way. My singing? How to explain... I sound like a croaking toad WHILE I'm singing. A tone deaf croaking toad. And that's with practice; I sing everyday at work.
Toots - I have a bright cheery picture in my mind of your inner child. Your advice has stuck in my head all day. It's still a-churnin' up there, working on it.
Else & Gilmer - sorry to hear you're similar moods to mine. It's not painful like a "stick in the eye" (Gilmer I lol'd on that one), but it's funky, for sure. Hugs all around! We need them! Sobriety has opened me up to the beauty in vulnerability.
Drake - beautiful singing, by the way. My singing? How to explain... I sound like a croaking toad WHILE I'm singing. A tone deaf croaking toad. And that's with practice; I sing everyday at work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
JJ - welcome. This is a great group. It's recently had a growth spurt so some of us are sharing our stories to get aquatinted (or reacquainted) with each other.
Mine is that I am 39, married, and the mother of two active, athletic sons. My 9 year old has very high functioning autism, and my 7 year old is moody, and parenting them is emotionally taxing. My partner is a lovely person with a demanding job, who drinks heavily. He is just starting to pitch in around the house recently. I work in childcare and live in the northeast part of the US. I have panic disorder, which was disabling and socially isolating from ages 11-20. It has been successfully managed with medication for 20 years.
During the 20 years I've drank, I've had several harmful consequences. I've had sex with strangers, fallen down a flight of stairs and come to in a ct scan machine, been arrested for DUI in my small gossipy community. On the other hand, I finally felt included socially, after all those years lost to anxiety disorder.
What finally made me decide to quit were the increasingly frequent black outs, where I'd argue with my husband, speak nonsensically to my friends, pass out in my kids' beds, pass out before their bedtime, send drunk text/Facebook messages, and share too much information with all the wrong people.
I came to SR a year ago to quit drinking, and after two weeks decided to moderate. That led to a year of increasingly heavy drinking. The advice and insights I learned a year ago stick with me, churning in the back of my head. When I decided to quit again this February, the first place I turned to for support was SR. I relapsed a few weeks into this attempt. After that I realized I was super lucky to have made it this far, given the abuse my mind, body and soul endured with alcohol, and that I might not make it if I drank again. This epiphany was a higher power experience for me.
On SR I've learned that there's more to sobriety than not drinking. This is my primary source of support, as I am strapped for time with my responsibilities as a marital partner, full time employee, and parent of young children, but I also make time to go to an AA Big Book meeting a couple times a month.
Sobriety is not easy, but it's good. Dee, bless him, has held my hand every step of the way. How he keeps track of everyone's stories I'll never know. I picture five monitors running simultaneously, a spreadsheet, and abcowboy's endlessly running coffee pot.
Mine is that I am 39, married, and the mother of two active, athletic sons. My 9 year old has very high functioning autism, and my 7 year old is moody, and parenting them is emotionally taxing. My partner is a lovely person with a demanding job, who drinks heavily. He is just starting to pitch in around the house recently. I work in childcare and live in the northeast part of the US. I have panic disorder, which was disabling and socially isolating from ages 11-20. It has been successfully managed with medication for 20 years.
During the 20 years I've drank, I've had several harmful consequences. I've had sex with strangers, fallen down a flight of stairs and come to in a ct scan machine, been arrested for DUI in my small gossipy community. On the other hand, I finally felt included socially, after all those years lost to anxiety disorder.
What finally made me decide to quit were the increasingly frequent black outs, where I'd argue with my husband, speak nonsensically to my friends, pass out in my kids' beds, pass out before their bedtime, send drunk text/Facebook messages, and share too much information with all the wrong people.
I came to SR a year ago to quit drinking, and after two weeks decided to moderate. That led to a year of increasingly heavy drinking. The advice and insights I learned a year ago stick with me, churning in the back of my head. When I decided to quit again this February, the first place I turned to for support was SR. I relapsed a few weeks into this attempt. After that I realized I was super lucky to have made it this far, given the abuse my mind, body and soul endured with alcohol, and that I might not make it if I drank again. This epiphany was a higher power experience for me.
On SR I've learned that there's more to sobriety than not drinking. This is my primary source of support, as I am strapped for time with my responsibilities as a marital partner, full time employee, and parent of young children, but I also make time to go to an AA Big Book meeting a couple times a month.
Sobriety is not easy, but it's good. Dee, bless him, has held my hand every step of the way. How he keeps track of everyone's stories I'll never know. I picture five monitors running simultaneously, a spreadsheet, and abcowboy's endlessly running coffee pot.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Hello, everyone! I'm still reading everyone's posts but I'd like to take this opportunity to tell my story.
I'm soon to be 40 and I've been what I'd call a heavy drinker for about 4ish years. I started working the night shift at my last job and I started drinking almost every day so I could get tired enough to fall asleep. There's chunks of time during the last four years I simply don't remember.
It became enough of a problem my SO (at the time) mentioned it was an issue for him. He ended up moving out for about 3 months but moved back and we attended counseling together. I didn't stop drinking; I just found better ways to hide it.
After a very public incident, he ended things for good. He moved away and this just made drinking to blackout every night that much easier. For the following nine months, I drank about a fifth of vodka a night, usually more on the weekends, and blacked out every night. My idea of moderation was to drink no more than a fifth a night. Seriously, who does that??
I didn't realize the shakes I had in the mornings were due to the alcohol. I thought it was from the coffee I was drinking. I have no idea how I made it to work every day. It was pure torture.
I had no idea the last drink I had would be my last. I just got to the point that I couldn't do this drinking thing anymore. I was slowly killing myself and hurting everyone I knew. I didn't want that anymore.
March 1st was my first day. I'm glad that I made it to SR and am so grateful to this community. There's no way I could have gotten this far without all of you!
I'm soon to be 40 and I've been what I'd call a heavy drinker for about 4ish years. I started working the night shift at my last job and I started drinking almost every day so I could get tired enough to fall asleep. There's chunks of time during the last four years I simply don't remember.
It became enough of a problem my SO (at the time) mentioned it was an issue for him. He ended up moving out for about 3 months but moved back and we attended counseling together. I didn't stop drinking; I just found better ways to hide it.
After a very public incident, he ended things for good. He moved away and this just made drinking to blackout every night that much easier. For the following nine months, I drank about a fifth of vodka a night, usually more on the weekends, and blacked out every night. My idea of moderation was to drink no more than a fifth a night. Seriously, who does that??
I didn't realize the shakes I had in the mornings were due to the alcohol. I thought it was from the coffee I was drinking. I have no idea how I made it to work every day. It was pure torture.
I had no idea the last drink I had would be my last. I just got to the point that I couldn't do this drinking thing anymore. I was slowly killing myself and hurting everyone I knew. I didn't want that anymore.
March 1st was my first day. I'm glad that I made it to SR and am so grateful to this community. There's no way I could have gotten this far without all of you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
My name is "Drake", a made up one and it will stay that way for a while. Reason?... learned a lesson the hard way about the internet and how names and familiar "screen names" can be searched and used against you. I am so used to "Drake", I would probably answered if you called! 
I have been sober a little over a year April 6 and attribute a lot of it to the support I have here at SR. The "undies" here are my brothers and sisters and I enjoy keeping up.
I decided to get sober because I was to the point I was suicidal. I thought about little else, besides getting more vodka.
This "intro" for all our new Undies has been interrupted twice by my companion, my 7 year old insane Pug Olive. She is a sweet girl, but was adopted from rescue and has multiple medical issues including seizures. Big grand mal type seizures. She is on lots of medication. She wanted to go out, didn't go and then started to act as if she needed to go potty. So out we went when a helicopter flew over head and she had to stare at it and then look for it when it was gone. Typical night.
Welcome to the Undies, all you new ones. We celebrate success and support our friends when we need it.
I have been sober a little over a year April 6 and attribute a lot of it to the support I have here at SR. The "undies" here are my brothers and sisters and I enjoy keeping up.
I decided to get sober because I was to the point I was suicidal. I thought about little else, besides getting more vodka.
This "intro" for all our new Undies has been interrupted twice by my companion, my 7 year old insane Pug Olive. She is a sweet girl, but was adopted from rescue and has multiple medical issues including seizures. Big grand mal type seizures. She is on lots of medication. She wanted to go out, didn't go and then started to act as if she needed to go potty. So out we went when a helicopter flew over head and she had to stare at it and then look for it when it was gone. Typical night.
Welcome to the Undies, all you new ones. We celebrate success and support our friends when we need it.
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,878
Damn tablet! had a post almost done, and poof, it's gone! Then again, it might have been Hank's (our chocolate lab) ball bouncing onto the x key lol He needs his play time as well!
Welcome JJ! Any particular flavor of coffee or healthy beverage you like? I try to keep the fridge stocked and the coffee pot full and fresh! Need to get off my butt and get a fireplace installed in this room so we can relax and chat around a cozy, crackling fire!
Carlos, your bracelet is just that, a bracelet to remind you not to go down that road again, and get on that blog! I can well imagine all the people you will help by just reading your story unfold!
Drake, I was just thinking this morning about internet recovery... 25 years ago, was AA the only solution? Now we have worldwide support at our fingertips, yet we have to remain even more anonymous because of the risk that comes with the internet!
I have all of you in my thoughts and prayers, and by supporting each other, we can march hand in hand down the recovery road!
Welcome JJ! Any particular flavor of coffee or healthy beverage you like? I try to keep the fridge stocked and the coffee pot full and fresh! Need to get off my butt and get a fireplace installed in this room so we can relax and chat around a cozy, crackling fire!
Carlos, your bracelet is just that, a bracelet to remind you not to go down that road again, and get on that blog! I can well imagine all the people you will help by just reading your story unfold!
Drake, I was just thinking this morning about internet recovery... 25 years ago, was AA the only solution? Now we have worldwide support at our fingertips, yet we have to remain even more anonymous because of the risk that comes with the internet!
I have all of you in my thoughts and prayers, and by supporting each other, we can march hand in hand down the recovery road!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
What a wonderful lot of posts here lately. Thanks to everyone who's shared all or part of their stories.
I'll try. I'm 51, married, have one 23 year old son who lives in another town. I started drinking and using drugs when I was about 10. By the time I was 15 I was getting stoned every day and I kept a bottle of Jack Daniels in my school locker. I left home at 16 and got addicted to speed, which was only one of the many drugs I was on by that time. I cold turkeyed off that but kept drinking -- for more the 30 years. I was pretty much always a daily drinker, mostly hard liquor straight up because that's the way I like it, but it wasn't always a problem. Sometimes it became a problem, but I usually reeled it back in. Around the time my son went to college, I lost the ability to reel it back in. I started having a shot or two to get me out the door in the morning. My job allows me -- almost requires me -- to be alone in my office working on mostly self-defined, self-structured, and self-motivated "research", and I spent about two years doing research on the personal effects of drinking slowly but continuously every day, all day. In the end I was unsure whether suicidal depression was making me drink or alcoholism was making me suicidally depressed. All I knew was that if I didn't quit drinking I was going to try to kill myself.
I'm not sure I can write about how things have changed or how SR has helped me. It's just too big. A lot of people on SR can beat me for war stories and quantities of consumption, but I have got to be some kind of prize winner on emotional isolation. I would gag on the word "friend." It still comes hard. But every day the wonderful people on SR, among the Undies, in my original Class of December 2012, on the Morning Gratitude thread and elsewhere, are helping me learn to be a human being. For me that's the main thing I'm learning from my attempt at sobriety -- I'm one of you, and we really are all in this together.
I've been a bit down lately and caught back in some negative habits of mind, so writing the above has been hard. People on this thread have been writing about the inner child & the "wow" factor ....All my mental reward system is based on delivering those reward feelings through alcohol, sex, and drugs. I bought a pack of cigarettes yesterday just because I've been as I say kind of down and it's more rewarding than ice cream and not as harmful as a drink. It will take me a long time to condition my mind to feel the same rewards from new pleasures. Since I have no other viable options, I'm working on it.
I'll try. I'm 51, married, have one 23 year old son who lives in another town. I started drinking and using drugs when I was about 10. By the time I was 15 I was getting stoned every day and I kept a bottle of Jack Daniels in my school locker. I left home at 16 and got addicted to speed, which was only one of the many drugs I was on by that time. I cold turkeyed off that but kept drinking -- for more the 30 years. I was pretty much always a daily drinker, mostly hard liquor straight up because that's the way I like it, but it wasn't always a problem. Sometimes it became a problem, but I usually reeled it back in. Around the time my son went to college, I lost the ability to reel it back in. I started having a shot or two to get me out the door in the morning. My job allows me -- almost requires me -- to be alone in my office working on mostly self-defined, self-structured, and self-motivated "research", and I spent about two years doing research on the personal effects of drinking slowly but continuously every day, all day. In the end I was unsure whether suicidal depression was making me drink or alcoholism was making me suicidally depressed. All I knew was that if I didn't quit drinking I was going to try to kill myself.
I'm not sure I can write about how things have changed or how SR has helped me. It's just too big. A lot of people on SR can beat me for war stories and quantities of consumption, but I have got to be some kind of prize winner on emotional isolation. I would gag on the word "friend." It still comes hard. But every day the wonderful people on SR, among the Undies, in my original Class of December 2012, on the Morning Gratitude thread and elsewhere, are helping me learn to be a human being. For me that's the main thing I'm learning from my attempt at sobriety -- I'm one of you, and we really are all in this together.
I've been a bit down lately and caught back in some negative habits of mind, so writing the above has been hard. People on this thread have been writing about the inner child & the "wow" factor ....All my mental reward system is based on delivering those reward feelings through alcohol, sex, and drugs. I bought a pack of cigarettes yesterday just because I've been as I say kind of down and it's more rewarding than ice cream and not as harmful as a drink. It will take me a long time to condition my mind to feel the same rewards from new pleasures. Since I have no other viable options, I'm working on it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
Courage. I'm so grateful that you shared this text with us. Thank you. It's beautiful and poignant. I'm so proud of you. I feel I've earned to right to tell you that.
Have a peaceful day. No demons.
DP
xx
Have a peaceful day. No demons.
DP
xx
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,878
My "story" is a few pages back, but I agree with Courage, it is wonderful to read the other stories as well, you can see some of yourself and relate to something in each story! That's the thing I look forward to the most at my AA meeting, listening to everyone and leaving with at least one statement from someone making a positive affect on me.
I'm thinking that at 57, I am one of the "seniors" in the undies club! But young in my sobriety at just under 4 months..... what I would give to be able to turn back time for 25 years or so, and not to be young again, but to redo all those years I wasted....
Let's have a productive, sober day with thoughts of getting our lives back on track....
I'm thinking that at 57, I am one of the "seniors" in the undies club! But young in my sobriety at just under 4 months..... what I would give to be able to turn back time for 25 years or so, and not to be young again, but to redo all those years I wasted....
Let's have a productive, sober day with thoughts of getting our lives back on track....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,181
Hey Undies,
Okay, so I am going to write a blog to pass time during my home based imprisonment of sorts over the next 6 months. I decided no looking back on previous posts, letters and journals. No research or looking at recovery books to refresh my memory. Just what I honestly feel in my heart and some things that I have learned in fighting this monster.
So when I woke up I decided to just list some negative consequences and aspects of my life with a brief how and why they are changing.
Hey, it’s not all bad. Tomorrow I plan to create a list of positive aspects of my life. Somewhere in those lists is the story I want to write.
My rough draft notes from this morning on the negative side in random order are as follows:
Immature – want the maturity that someone of my age and experience should have. If it is true that we do not mature when active in our addicition and not working a recovery program then I am 20 something in maturity. That seems about right
All or nothing – want to continue to work on accepting a more balanced approach to all aspects of life
Wanting more, never satisfied – want to finally understand gratitude in my heart, not my head
Lies – want to follow the simple AA rule that requires rigorous honesty, especially with myself. Hey rigorous is not absolute, it leaves a small space for progress - not perfection.
Self-centeredness – want continued growth in selflessness, actually making nice progress here. Hey, is it self-centered to pat myself on the back? Want to know a normal balance?
Blaming others – While I “mostly” always have accepted responsibility for my drinking consequences, I was obsessed trying to figure out why I drank. I no longer care why.
Became hopeless – Want hope for a bright future. I only became hopeless the past 5 years or so. Even though I drank, I had led a rather successful albeit unhappy alkie existence for many years. Then I started to lose most of everything I held near and dear (not just the material things), then I became hopeless and just wanted to die.
Depression – Had a deep chronic depression two times. Weeks in bed, unable to move. Both times I briefly took meds, but even they became unnecessary once I sobered picking up.
Drugs and alcohol – Pretending to be just an alkie has led to more than a few gateway relapses from drugs. Want to stay completely drug and alcohol free…attending a few NA mtgs as well as AA keeping my past a present tense recovery.
Blackouts – Woe, just want to never have that happen to me ever again. What did I do??
Fear of success – This is a bit too deep for real understanding at this stage of my recovery. Just want to someday soon figure where we intersect, and what to do about it…don’t care why.
Shame – I’m feeling shame today as I receive my ankle bracelet. Just want it gone from my life forever. Saying that means nothing. Living and HARD working sobriety might just offer it.
Self-respect – It does return, but soooo gradually. Easy does it, Carlos.
Selfish love – Want to be able to give it away from my heart and expect nothing in return. Wow, this is a toughie. Ex: Did I pay for my girls’ education because I loved them, or was I buying their love?
Frustration and anger at not getting want I want – Learn to accept what I need, it’s always there.
Last minute – Another alkie tendency. Lived so much of my life in chaos. I will need to let it go and not mourn so much at its departure. That’s a good thing, right?
Regrets from the past – Serenity prayer, nuff said
Missing aspects of the past - Get it in my thick skull that the past wasn't all that great and the future can be magnificent. Learn gratitude and to cherish good aspects of the past
Wishing and hoping things would get better – Stop that. Just continue make it happen. These past near 11 months have you on the right path and still the top side of the ground! I was digging my grave last year, things are MUCH better!
Yep, I gotts wayyy tooo much time on my hands...sorry.
Okay, so I am going to write a blog to pass time during my home based imprisonment of sorts over the next 6 months. I decided no looking back on previous posts, letters and journals. No research or looking at recovery books to refresh my memory. Just what I honestly feel in my heart and some things that I have learned in fighting this monster.
So when I woke up I decided to just list some negative consequences and aspects of my life with a brief how and why they are changing.
Hey, it’s not all bad. Tomorrow I plan to create a list of positive aspects of my life. Somewhere in those lists is the story I want to write.
My rough draft notes from this morning on the negative side in random order are as follows:
Immature – want the maturity that someone of my age and experience should have. If it is true that we do not mature when active in our addicition and not working a recovery program then I am 20 something in maturity. That seems about right
All or nothing – want to continue to work on accepting a more balanced approach to all aspects of life
Wanting more, never satisfied – want to finally understand gratitude in my heart, not my head
Lies – want to follow the simple AA rule that requires rigorous honesty, especially with myself. Hey rigorous is not absolute, it leaves a small space for progress - not perfection.
Self-centeredness – want continued growth in selflessness, actually making nice progress here. Hey, is it self-centered to pat myself on the back?
Want to know a normal balance?Blaming others – While I “mostly” always have accepted responsibility for my drinking consequences, I was obsessed trying to figure out why I drank. I no longer care why.
Became hopeless – Want hope for a bright future. I only became hopeless the past 5 years or so. Even though I drank, I had led a rather successful albeit unhappy alkie existence for many years. Then I started to lose most of everything I held near and dear (not just the material things), then I became hopeless and just wanted to die.
Depression – Had a deep chronic depression two times. Weeks in bed, unable to move. Both times I briefly took meds, but even they became unnecessary once I sobered picking up.
Drugs and alcohol – Pretending to be just an alkie has led to more than a few gateway relapses from drugs. Want to stay completely drug and alcohol free…attending a few NA mtgs as well as AA keeping my past a present tense recovery.
Blackouts – Woe, just want to never have that happen to me ever again. What did I do??
Fear of success – This is a bit too deep for real understanding at this stage of my recovery. Just want to someday soon figure where we intersect, and what to do about it…don’t care why.
Shame – I’m feeling shame today as I receive my ankle bracelet. Just want it gone from my life forever. Saying that means nothing. Living and HARD working sobriety might just offer it.
Self-respect – It does return, but soooo gradually. Easy does it, Carlos.
Selfish love – Want to be able to give it away from my heart and expect nothing in return. Wow, this is a toughie. Ex: Did I pay for my girls’ education because I loved them, or was I buying their love?
Frustration and anger at not getting want I want – Learn to accept what I need, it’s always there.
Last minute – Another alkie tendency. Lived so much of my life in chaos. I will need to let it go and not mourn so much at its departure. That’s a good thing, right?
Regrets from the past – Serenity prayer, nuff said
Missing aspects of the past - Get it in my thick skull that the past wasn't all that great and the future can be magnificent. Learn gratitude and to cherish good aspects of the past
Wishing and hoping things would get better – Stop that. Just continue make it happen. These past near 11 months have you on the right path and still the top side of the ground! I was digging my grave last year, things are MUCH better!
Yep, I gotts wayyy tooo much time on my hands...sorry.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Thank you, everybody, for sharing your stories. Courage, I force myself to have friend relationships. They used to come naturally, but they don't anymore; I much prefer to isolate, then I wonder why nobody understands me.
I view fellowship as an experience that life has to offer, and I want to avail myself of what life has to offer. That's why i had kids. I never have had a burning love for children, or any sort of nesting instinct--but I could see that they were a big deal in the experience of life, so I made myself available for it.
I was not the best mother, nor was i the worst. I was not conventional. But now that they are grown up, they are great friends, and they get me and i get them.
I think the turning point with my kids was allowing them to see me in all my f-upness and being honest that I was a f-up and allowing them to observe the process of my trying to reform.
They are still quick to see me when I struggle with my foibles. That's the only "disadvantage" of real friends--they will call you on it when you are being bogus. but i wouldn't want to bother with a bunch of superficial acquaintances that engage in only pleasantries--I have plenty of opportunities for that, being a "church lady," but I detest it, so I shy away.
I don't know what I'm even trying to say. i wanted to say something to you, courage, but I'm just babbling a bunch of autobiographical stuff that may or may not be germane. I just wish for connection for you.
I view fellowship as an experience that life has to offer, and I want to avail myself of what life has to offer. That's why i had kids. I never have had a burning love for children, or any sort of nesting instinct--but I could see that they were a big deal in the experience of life, so I made myself available for it.
I was not the best mother, nor was i the worst. I was not conventional. But now that they are grown up, they are great friends, and they get me and i get them.
I think the turning point with my kids was allowing them to see me in all my f-upness and being honest that I was a f-up and allowing them to observe the process of my trying to reform.
They are still quick to see me when I struggle with my foibles. That's the only "disadvantage" of real friends--they will call you on it when you are being bogus. but i wouldn't want to bother with a bunch of superficial acquaintances that engage in only pleasantries--I have plenty of opportunities for that, being a "church lady," but I detest it, so I shy away.
I don't know what I'm even trying to say. i wanted to say something to you, courage, but I'm just babbling a bunch of autobiographical stuff that may or may not be germane. I just wish for connection for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good morning Undies,
((Carlos)) - I agree wholeheartedly with Gilmer that is only natural that you would be upset by your current circumstances. Expressing your feelings and reaching out for support are healthy ways to get through a difficult time. On top of that, finding reasons to be grateful shows how much you have grown in your sobriety. For me, difficult times are made easier by increased reliance on my higher power and leaning on my support network (SR and AA). If I am feeling rotten - I ask myself "Your alive aren't you" "Your sober aren't you" and remember the saying I heard in an AA meeting "There are only two kinds of days in sobriety - the good days and the great days". The good days are when we make it through the day without drinking and the great days are when we feel physically, mentally and emotionally well. When I focus on all the blessings and benefits that come to me in sobriety it never fails to change my mood and attitude around. I need to acknowledge these gifts on a daily basis. Today I am grateful I am sober, I am alive, that I have a roof over my head, I have enough to eat, I love and am loved, that I am creating a new life myself and changing for the better.
Gilmer - What a great idea to introduce ourselves. You are such a positive, kind and caring member of this group!
Welcome back Siesta! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Welcome JJ - Yes, it's pretty common to go through flu-symptoms during withdrawal. They usually last for 72 hours. As suggested, if they get too bad please seek medical help. This is a great group that will offer you much love, support and encouragement.
Gleefan - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can certainly relate to suffering from panic disorder. For me this occurred about 7 years ago after I suffered a tremendous loss. It has manifested itself in panic attacks when driving. Fortunately, I haven't had an attack in quite a while.
Boozefree - Thank you for sharing your story. I could relate in that I was alcoholic from the very first time I picked up a drink at the age of 18. Kudos to you for working on your alcoholism at such a young age and saving yourself years of pain and misery.
Aarryckha - Thank you for sharing your story. My reasons for finally deciding to quit were similar I realized alcohol was going to kill me and was destroying my life.
Drake - Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate so well to having feelings of suicidal despair due to my drinking. The sheer physical and mental agony that drinking caused me led me to the brink of despair over and over again. As they say in AA "I was given the gift of desperation" and that led me to finally address my alcoholism.
((Courage)) - Your name epitomizes your strength and your commitment to your sobriety. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
My story is that I am 54. I am married to an active alcoholic. I drank alcoholically right from the beginning. Within two years of drinking I received a DWI and a drunk in public. I know I was an alcoholic and tried AA intermittently throughout my 34 years of drinking. I simply could not stop drinking. I was offered an early out at my job at the age of 51. I knew I could no longer make excuses that I didn't have enough time to attend AA meetings and I also knew that with no obligations I could literally drink myself to death. Even so, it took me about a year of attending SR and 4 months at AA before I finally managed to put the drink down.
I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their stories. I certainly could relate to every one of them. I recently received an offer to sponsor a woman that suffers from bi-polar disorder. I recognized from reading all these stories that many of us suffer from dual diagnoses; depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder. It can be especially challenging to face the disease of alcoholism and also having to face another disease in the process. I chair a Sunday meeting and the topic of dealing with dual diagnoses will be one I share on.
Wishing everyone a sober and serene Friday!
((Carlos)) - I agree wholeheartedly with Gilmer that is only natural that you would be upset by your current circumstances. Expressing your feelings and reaching out for support are healthy ways to get through a difficult time. On top of that, finding reasons to be grateful shows how much you have grown in your sobriety. For me, difficult times are made easier by increased reliance on my higher power and leaning on my support network (SR and AA). If I am feeling rotten - I ask myself "Your alive aren't you" "Your sober aren't you" and remember the saying I heard in an AA meeting "There are only two kinds of days in sobriety - the good days and the great days". The good days are when we make it through the day without drinking and the great days are when we feel physically, mentally and emotionally well. When I focus on all the blessings and benefits that come to me in sobriety it never fails to change my mood and attitude around. I need to acknowledge these gifts on a daily basis. Today I am grateful I am sober, I am alive, that I have a roof over my head, I have enough to eat, I love and am loved, that I am creating a new life myself and changing for the better.
Gilmer - What a great idea to introduce ourselves. You are such a positive, kind and caring member of this group!
Welcome back Siesta! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Welcome JJ - Yes, it's pretty common to go through flu-symptoms during withdrawal. They usually last for 72 hours. As suggested, if they get too bad please seek medical help. This is a great group that will offer you much love, support and encouragement.
Gleefan - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can certainly relate to suffering from panic disorder. For me this occurred about 7 years ago after I suffered a tremendous loss. It has manifested itself in panic attacks when driving. Fortunately, I haven't had an attack in quite a while.
Boozefree - Thank you for sharing your story. I could relate in that I was alcoholic from the very first time I picked up a drink at the age of 18. Kudos to you for working on your alcoholism at such a young age and saving yourself years of pain and misery.
Aarryckha - Thank you for sharing your story. My reasons for finally deciding to quit were similar I realized alcohol was going to kill me and was destroying my life.
Drake - Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate so well to having feelings of suicidal despair due to my drinking. The sheer physical and mental agony that drinking caused me led me to the brink of despair over and over again. As they say in AA "I was given the gift of desperation" and that led me to finally address my alcoholism.
((Courage)) - Your name epitomizes your strength and your commitment to your sobriety. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
My story is that I am 54. I am married to an active alcoholic. I drank alcoholically right from the beginning. Within two years of drinking I received a DWI and a drunk in public. I know I was an alcoholic and tried AA intermittently throughout my 34 years of drinking. I simply could not stop drinking. I was offered an early out at my job at the age of 51. I knew I could no longer make excuses that I didn't have enough time to attend AA meetings and I also knew that with no obligations I could literally drink myself to death. Even so, it took me about a year of attending SR and 4 months at AA before I finally managed to put the drink down.
I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their stories. I certainly could relate to every one of them. I recently received an offer to sponsor a woman that suffers from bi-polar disorder. I recognized from reading all these stories that many of us suffer from dual diagnoses; depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder. It can be especially challenging to face the disease of alcoholism and also having to face another disease in the process. I chair a Sunday meeting and the topic of dealing with dual diagnoses will be one I share on.
Wishing everyone a sober and serene Friday!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
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Drake, I hear you on the anonymity factor. Years ago when I was a Catholic blogger, i asked a question to a newsgroup about whether a bipolar person could trust mystical experiences. i signed in with my real name, and didn't think twice about it. Lo and behold, I got a pm from a colleague who informed me that a google of my name turned up "bipolar." Great, eh? I kept checking--it was on there for years. Now I have a lot of civil war data, because i used my real name to ask a forum about Enfield minie bullets in researching a civil war relative.
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