nonpiu420

So I decided to give it another go. My lovely wife has begun fighting her addiction which finally pushed me over the edge to really stop this time. I have not posted in quite some time, something like 5 years and I've smoked every day since failing at that attempt.

Today was day three and I lost it. I had headache all day. When I got home my palms were all sweaty, my stomach was nauseated, and I still am very shaky. So I gave in and vaporized a few bags from my Volcano. It was really no help. I still feel the same. and now I am very guilty I smoked because I know all of these are withdrawal symptoms. I need to get through them.

Also, I think what got me through the weekend was supporting my wife in her CDRP program and attend AA meeting and read the NA book. Today I was back at work in my normal routine and came home and put the game on I think my psychological addiction was bursting for it's after work high and to relax and watch the basketball game.

Back at it again tomorrow for a new Day 1

nonpiu420

What I should have done was gone to another meeting.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy after 30 years of excessive daily smoking, but it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It would be nice to know what life is like with a clear head.

Dee74

Welcome back to SR nonpiu420

I smoked for around 30 years too.
I feel like I have my life, and my enthusiasm for life, back.

There's not one area of my life that hasn't been improved by me no longer smoking weed

D

nonpiu420

Dee, Ty for the welcome back. I think the support from the site will help quit a bit as I make my way through this.

Dee74

Yeah supports important

D

VigilanceNow

Hi nonpiu! I just wanted to say that for alcohol, my first week was always the hardest. I would feel such shame the immediate following days, and then by day 6 or 7 had basically forgotten how bad it was and thought eh, I'll try again. Inevitably the same result every time.

Any addiction has us thinking in messed up ways. Good for you that you recognize this and are back at it! Day 1, then day 2, and a lifetime of happiness and clarity of mind awaits you!

racingthoughts

Yes Day 3s can definitely be quite tough. The positive I'd take away from your slip is the recognition of the lack of relief you felt, coupled with the accompanying feelings of guilt and despair. I'm working with a young woman right now who just slipped after almost two months of not drinking. She described it almost verbatim the way you did. I think drugs and alcohol turn on us at a certain point, with her and yours experience being a testament to such.

nonpiu420

Thanks RT. On day 9 this time around. It's not any easier this time around but I am sticking with it the best I can. It can only get easier. I hope.