Un-drugging my home while he's in rehab - Page 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-19-2017, 04:10 PM   #21 (permalink)
Ann
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I think this has been an interesting thread, and I see things from other's perspectives and even though they may differ from my own, they each make sense to me.

I think it's about motive. I used to stop myself sometimes and question my motive for doing things. If it was to make my son's life easier or something that I thought might help him to get clean then my motive was control, trying to control HIS future...which of course was never mine to control. But if it was about my own feeling of well being, then I went ahead and too bad what he thought.

I had boundaries and rules when he lived at home. One was that if I even suspected that there were drugs in MY house, all privacy was tossed to the wind and I would search wherever I wanted to remove the drugs...and if found, I would remove my son from the house too. He could do what he wanted anyplace else, but my house, my rules. I didn't make myself crazy playing codie detective, but if the signs were there that there may be drugs in his bedroom (like when he came out with pupils much larger than when he went in), the search was on.

That was to protect ME, having drugs in my home was a deal breaker because it put me in jeopardy too.

Checking my motives is something I often do even today, in life's situations. It's amazing how many times I need to pause and give thought to this and I suppose I should be grateful for all the practice my son gave me.

You have children, that adds to the equation. Keeping them safe is number one so clearing all drugs and/or paraphernalia is a wise thing to do.

I don't think that you believe that removing this stuff or checking the shed out back will change the outcome of whether he will use or not. You already know that nothing we do or don't do will make a lick of difference for them...but sometimes it does make a difference for ourselves.

This post got long, I didn't intend that, lol, just ponderings from this codie's mind and sharing the thoughts here.
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Old 05-19-2017, 06:41 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
I think this has been an interesting thread, and I see things from other's perspectives and even though they may differ from my own, they each make sense to me.

I think it's about motive. I used to stop myself sometimes and question my motive for doing things. If it was to make my son's life easier or something that I thought might help him to get clean then my motive was control, trying to control HIS future...which of course was never mine to control. But if it was about my own feeling of well being, then I went ahead and too bad what he thought.

I had boundaries and rules when he lived at home. One was that if I even suspected that there were drugs in MY house, all privacy was tossed to the wind and I would search wherever I wanted to remove the drugs...and if found, I would remove my son from the house too. He could do what he wanted anyplace else, but my house, my rules. I didn't make myself crazy playing codie detective, but if the signs were there that there may be drugs in his bedroom (like when he came out with pupils much larger than when he went in), the search was on.

That was to protect ME, having drugs in my home was a deal breaker because it put me in jeopardy too.

Checking my motives is something I often do even today, in life's situations. It's amazing how many times I need to pause and give thought to this and I suppose I should be grateful for all the practice my son gave me.

You have children, that adds to the equation. Keeping them safe is number one so clearing all drugs and/or paraphernalia is a wise thing to do.

I don't think that you believe that removing this stuff or checking the shed out back will change the outcome of whether he will use or not. You already know that nothing we do or don't do will make a lick of difference for them...but sometimes it does make a difference for ourselves.

This post got long, I didn't intend that, lol, just ponderings from this codie's mind and sharing the thoughts here.
Very smart pondering there. Yeah, I think that's why his mom's suggestion didn't feel right to me...motive. My motive in getting rid of drug stuff was that I didn't want drug stuff around. One, I have kids, and two, I could get in trouble for it. If he objected because it's his stuff and his house too, that would be silly given that he signed himself up for rehab. Rehab is for learning how to not do drugs. It would tell me a lot if he did get angry about it.

Had I followed her suggestion on the shop, the motive would have been to make things easier for him or trying to control his addiction. That felt wrong. That felt like not staying on my side of the street.

No, me cleaning house won't change a thing. A soda can is not hard to come by and pipes and bongs are sold all over the place.

I did do a boo-boo on the shop, though. My A/C went out upstairs, so I figured for the moment I could take the A/C window unit out of the shop and put it up there to make the kids' lives easier over the weekend. Naturally, I dropped it out of the window and broke it. So....I made it awfully uncomfortable in the shop for the summer. And I really didn't intend to do that. Ugh. It looks like a passive-aggressive move on my part, but it was just a lack of asking for help move on my part.
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Old 05-19-2017, 09:23 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Deelilah - There are really a lot more recovering crackheads here than you would think

I don't have the microwave like Tess does, but I have driven past numerous places where I think "oh yeah, smoked crack there" or "dope boy met me at that gas station" kind of stuff.

This is a link to someone we crack addicts adore. It's a very long thread, may have extensions, but Larry is awesome. Several of us wanted to shake some sense into him for a while, and now we are so very proud of him.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-lifetime.html (recoveredcrackhead- It Takes A Lifetime)

I'm just sharing this so you know that some of us crackheads really do recover.

Sorry about the a/c but stuff happens. As someone who is also a recovering codie, I know all about "was than oops or something more?" It's usually an oops, we're just used to walking on eggshells and questioning ourselves.

I think you're doing great and am glad you're here.
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Old 05-20-2017, 07:55 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Deelilah - There are really a lot more recovering crackheads here than you would think

I don't have the microwave like Tess does, but I have driven past numerous places where I think "oh yeah, smoked crack there" or "dope boy met me at that gas station" kind of stuff.

This is a link to someone we crack addicts adore. It's a very long thread, may have extensions, but Larry is awesome. Several of us wanted to shake some sense into him for a while, and now we are so very proud of him.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-lifetime.html (recoveredcrackhead- It Takes A Lifetime)

I'm just sharing this so you know that some of us crackheads really do recover.

Sorry about the a/c but stuff happens. As someone who is also a recovering codie, I know all about "was than oops or something more?" It's usually an oops, we're just used to walking on eggshells and questioning ourselves.

I think you're doing great and am glad you're here.
Oh cool! Thanks for that link! You and Anvilhead give me hope. Memories of my AH when I met him give me hope too, weirdly enough. I met him much more into recovery than he wound up being. He knew every day of the past 8 years where he could score crack and chose not to do it. He pointed out the gas stations that he avoided where he used to meet dealers. He showed me the deserted roads where he used to park and smoke. I guess he was surrounded by triggers and did it anyway. I know it's possible to turn one's life around. I know it can and does happen. I know that he knows how to do it. I want that so much for him that I'm kind of afraid to hope. I've tried to cope with the potential disappointment and pain by telling myself that no matter what the outcome, our previous relationship is over and I have to grieve it. Anything that comes next will be new, whether it's divorce or both of us working a recovery program and figuring out how to reconnect. I think that's true, really. We've both changed as a result of his relapse and it didn't take much time for that to happen. And really, I love him enough as a person that I just want him to recover even if I have to face the pain of losing him. He deserves better than the life he was heading towards. I will survive either way. He may not.

Well, I say he was in recovery, and he kind of was. I don't think he dealt with his underlying issues the first time around. He drank and smoked pot, so he was still behaving as an active addict. Just not with something that was guaranteed to wreck his life. He said he was completely sober the first year and picked up drinking and weed again because he was too ADHD and annoying without them. Instead of seeing a doctor for that treatable problem, he dove back into addictions. Crack showing back up was likely inevitable. Took a while, though.

I am soooo glad that I'm here. You are all saving me from a lot of insanity.
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