Readytobedone

So this is my first time posting here but I really need somewhere to vent and maybe get some advice too. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and overall, he's a great guy. However, when we first got together I noticed signs that he was possibly using drugs but I didn't want to believe it so I just ignored it for pretty much the whole first year we were together. Then I finally decided to go through his phone one day and sure enough I was right. He told me then that he had been abusing opiates in the past but had recently started using Suboxone more to get off them and he promised he would quit using altogether for me. A few months later I went through his phone again and same thing...he again said he would stop. This time I actually watched him go through withdraws and stop talking to many of the people he had been hanging out with. He promised things were done and I believed him. Although there have been other times since then I thought he was using, I was kind of in denial and didn't really talk to him about it and the few times I did, he simply said he wasn't doing anything and I just went along with it. So now here we are 5 years later since I first found out and I decided to check his phone again. Turns out he is still using Suboxone (no other drugs that I know of) and not just taking a little bit by mouth, but taking large quantities and snorting it or injecting it. It's been 2 months now since I found all this out and he's promised to quit. I've been controlling how much he takes, giving him less and less every few days and when I can, watching him take it. However again I just caught him in another lie and found out he's been getting more than what he's telling me and has also been injecting it still. He swears he wants to stop but he just keeps lying about everything and I can't trust him at all anymore. Sometimes I think to myself "well it's just Suboxone. At least it's not heroin or meth or whatever else" but at the same time I just want him to be completely off everything and what makes me most mad is being constantly lied to! On top of being lied to, I have a great job and pay all of our bills and everything while he just uses all of his money for subs, which really angers me too. I don't want to leave him but I'm just feeling totally hopeless and I don't know what to do or if I'm getting too upset about it all and should just let it go since he's just using subs and nothing else. What do you guys think? Should I leave? Am I overreacting? Would you be mad too?

AnvilheadII

you are not overreacting! addicts can use subs to get high....this is evident in that he: A) is not getting them from a qualified medical professional B) overuses what would be considered an amount to stave off withdrawals or cravings C) LIES TO YOU about it D) snorts or injects them.

what you have is an active drug abuser. not a boyfriend. you pay for everything, so he's using you. and he spends whatever money HE has on drugs.

nothing changes if nothing changes. the lies aren't changing. the promises to quit aren't changing. the drug abuse isn't changing. HE isn't changing.

atalose

I'm always mad when people consistently lie to me and use me. No one here can tell you to leave or not leave only you can come to that conclusion. I guess you need to ask yourself if this is what you want from a partner. He was a drug addict when you first met him 6 years ago and he still is a drug addict and he will always be a drug addict even if he gets clean the disease remains. Is this how you want to spend your life?

Ileana

I have a question for you. Do you think you deserve to be in a mutually respectful adult relationship? Do you think checking phone records, doling out & keeping tracks of illegal drug use, and lying are part of an adult relationship? Or do you feel more like your babysitting? You're an enabler. He has absolutely no reason to quit. He has you. You take care of everything. Its been how many years? And has anything changed? What makes you think the next 5 years will be any different?

PhoenixJ

More questions for you...do you want to be asking exactly these questions in another 6 years?? What are you getting out of this 'partnership??'.
You have put your life in an orbit- around an addiction. The only logical thing for an active addict (mine was booze) is the addiction. Anything else does not matter. So logical and rational thinking- even involving emotions does not work. Active addiction means even emotional are not predictable- because of manipulation, physical dependency and emotional changes.
You need to think about YOU. Not 'him' or 'both of you'. Cut off the money, move out, whatever-- but the only thing in my life (so I know now) I have control over- is me. There is, perhaps a fear of change or co-dependency. N/A has a support group for concerned family/friends of drug users. I have - and do know people who are on Sub for rehab. These people are not only abusing that drug- but use it to fine tune others as well. Most importantly- sty safe, physically, emotionally and financially.
Empathy and support to you.

PhoenixJ

AND YES- (now I have learnt and observe) I would be mad- but I would use that emotion to move on- not just stew in my own anger.