relapse, relapse, relapse
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relapse, relapse, relapse
For anyone who has been keeping up with my story. My addict ex bf was in town this weekend. I heard from several friends that he had relapsed and pulled a knife on a friend while he was "out of his mind." Not entirely surprised, when I saw him for coffee my gut feeling was that he wasn't sober. He has consistently relapsed over and over and over again. Seems that the three-month-itch is true with him.
I immediately ignored any text messages or anything following this news. I've been ignoring him for over a day now.
I woke up for over 30 text messages. LONG, novel paragraphs. He also "liked" 40+ photos on my IG and commented on it. Usually a tell-tale sign of his using is him being up 24 hours straight.
I am scared to block him. Scared that he will kill himself, he left me long, painful voicemails telling me that he doesn't want to get back together, but desperately wants to be friends, "please don't ignore me, I have no one, I have no friends, no purpose to live, I will die without you. I'll kill myself if you don't keep me in your life at all. Please respond."
I can't focus at work, I'm sick and stressed out. I feel like this is just as INSANE as it was when we were together.
Is blocking him incredibly mean? What if he does hurt himself? What if he follows through with killing himself? He has a long history of suicide tendencies. I know that I am not God, I know I can not save him. I also know that no part of me wants to reconcile romantically, I am not in love with him, I care about him deeply as a human and want him to be at peace.
What is your OPINION on blocking vs. ignoring?
I immediately ignored any text messages or anything following this news. I've been ignoring him for over a day now.
I woke up for over 30 text messages. LONG, novel paragraphs. He also "liked" 40+ photos on my IG and commented on it. Usually a tell-tale sign of his using is him being up 24 hours straight.
I am scared to block him. Scared that he will kill himself, he left me long, painful voicemails telling me that he doesn't want to get back together, but desperately wants to be friends, "please don't ignore me, I have no one, I have no friends, no purpose to live, I will die without you. I'll kill myself if you don't keep me in your life at all. Please respond."
I can't focus at work, I'm sick and stressed out. I feel like this is just as INSANE as it was when we were together.
Is blocking him incredibly mean? What if he does hurt himself? What if he follows through with killing himself? He has a long history of suicide tendencies. I know that I am not God, I know I can not save him. I also know that no part of me wants to reconcile romantically, I am not in love with him, I care about him deeply as a human and want him to be at peace.
What is your OPINION on blocking vs. ignoring?
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Wow, that is a tough one.
I cannot speak to suicidal tendencies, I know others have said those are to be taken seriously. He is staying with his mother, right? He is putting the big time pressure on you. Whether or not he feels alone, he's hurting you.
This is such a dead end. And causing you so much agony. I was in a similar boat this week--woke up to 20 text messages and 10 voicemails. Pressure pressure pressure pressure--sickenating...
A friend who's been through this told me, "Send a simple text: I love you. I wish the best for you. I'm blocking your number." Or, just block it.
I think he finally got the message that I can't see him. But if I wake up tomorrow to the twenty text message routine, I am blocking him. Enough--who is this helping?
Pulling knives on people is no joke. I don't know if we should see these men ever again.
I cannot speak to suicidal tendencies, I know others have said those are to be taken seriously. He is staying with his mother, right? He is putting the big time pressure on you. Whether or not he feels alone, he's hurting you.
This is such a dead end. And causing you so much agony. I was in a similar boat this week--woke up to 20 text messages and 10 voicemails. Pressure pressure pressure pressure--sickenating...
A friend who's been through this told me, "Send a simple text: I love you. I wish the best for you. I'm blocking your number." Or, just block it.
I think he finally got the message that I can't see him. But if I wake up tomorrow to the twenty text message routine, I am blocking him. Enough--who is this helping?
Pulling knives on people is no joke. I don't know if we should see these men ever again.
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I am scared to block him. Scared that he will kill himself, he left me long, painful voicemails telling me that he doesn't want to get back together, but desperately wants to be friends, "please don't ignore me, I have no one, I have no friends, no purpose to live, I will die without you. I'll kill myself if you don't keep me in your life at all. Please respond."
What he is doing is about the cruelest, sickest form of emotional manipulation there is. When he says something like --
please don't ignore me, I have no one, I have no friends, no purpose to live, I will die without you. I'll kill myself if you don't keep me in your life at all. Please respond
I've seen this movie. I've been where you are. And I fell for it.
Don't repeat my mistake.
If you suspect he's going to harm himself, call 911 and allow the authorities to deal with him. Block him from calling and texting you. Block him on social media. Block him from emailing you.
Protect yourself. That's your first, and really only, priority and concern.
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I've been there....the desperate phone calls and suicidal threats. I would tell him that I was going to call 911 and let them handle it. Then, I stated that I would not take any further calls until he was clean/sober.
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It's called manipulation. He is playing on your sympathies because it has worked in the past. If it were me, I would block him from contacting me in every way possible. You are not responsible if he tries to kill himself. His actions are on HIM, not you. He is being extremely cruel to try to manipulate you this way.
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Originally Posted by CaringScared 
Wow, that is a tough one.
I cannot speak to suicidal tendencies, I know others have said those are to be taken seriously. He is staying with his mother, right? He is putting the big time pressure on you. Whether or not he feels alone, he's hurting you.
This is such a dead end. And causing you so much agony. I was in a similar boat this week--woke up to 20 text messages and 10 voicemails. Pressure pressure pressure pressure--sickenating...
A friend who's been through this told me, "Send a simple text: I love you. I wish the best for you. I'm blocking your number." Or, just block it.
I think he finally got the message that I can't see him. But if I wake up tomorrow to the twenty text message routine, I am blocking him. Enough--who is this helping?
Pulling knives on people is no joke. I don't know if we should see these men ever again.
I cannot speak to suicidal tendencies, I know others have said those are to be taken seriously. He is staying with his mother, right? He is putting the big time pressure on you. Whether or not he feels alone, he's hurting you.
This is such a dead end. And causing you so much agony. I was in a similar boat this week--woke up to 20 text messages and 10 voicemails. Pressure pressure pressure pressure--sickenating...
A friend who's been through this told me, "Send a simple text: I love you. I wish the best for you. I'm blocking your number." Or, just block it.
I think he finally got the message that I can't see him. But if I wake up tomorrow to the twenty text message routine, I am blocking him. Enough--who is this helping?
Pulling knives on people is no joke. I don't know if we should see these men ever again.
Yes, he has been staying with his mother, but he has apparently ran away from Arizona and is living in his car back in Los Angeles (near me). He is calling me and texting me excessively right now...I'm ignoring it. The voicemails are tough...he's just sobbing and telling me he wants to use (as if he's not already).
This is all such a trigger for me. I lost my uncle to addiction/alcoholism. A friend of mine died last year when he got high on opiates and drove into a tree...I'm scared that if I do block him---while it is what is BEST for me...it could also be the final way that I "leave things" with him. I really struggle with that. Especially with the idea of him killing himself (or dying by addiction) if my last conversation is one where I "abandon" and block him entirely.
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Originally Posted by zoso77
Kiddo...read this very, very carefully...
What he is doing is about the cruelest, sickest form of emotional manipulation there is. When he says something like --
-- he leaves out the fact that his choices have led him to where he currently is. So what he's really telling you is he wants you to put up with his act regardless of the damage his act does to you.
I've seen this movie. I've been where you are. And I fell for it.
Don't repeat my mistake.
If you suspect he's going to harm himself, call 911 and allow the authorities to deal with him. Block him from calling and texting you. Block him on social media. Block him from emailing you.
Protect yourself. That's your first, and really only, priority and concern.
What he is doing is about the cruelest, sickest form of emotional manipulation there is. When he says something like --
-- he leaves out the fact that his choices have led him to where he currently is. So what he's really telling you is he wants you to put up with his act regardless of the damage his act does to you.
I've seen this movie. I've been where you are. And I fell for it.
Don't repeat my mistake.
If you suspect he's going to harm himself, call 911 and allow the authorities to deal with him. Block him from calling and texting you. Block him on social media. Block him from emailing you.
Protect yourself. That's your first, and really only, priority and concern.
Your replies always make me feel like we are family. Thank you.
I should have mentioned that I did get the police involved. I was at my parent's house for the Holidays and all day yesterday he was harassing me to see him. I was ignoring him, but then he began to send things like "I'm coming to your house now. I'm showing up at your house. Call the cops, I don't care. We are going to talk." I even ignored him then...until he started saying things like "I'm five minutes away, I'm coming now." I was so scared that I woke up my little brother and took him in my car to the supermarket down the street...I called the authorities and filled a harassment claim against him. My response to him was only "Do not contact me. Do not contact my family. If you show up at my house I will alert the authorities" (the officer told me to text this so that IF I decide I want a restraining order I have evidence-as if I don't have enough?) He has still continued to text me...if you read my first thread, I've had him put on a 5150 before. This is someone who is VERY sick. He is mentally unwell, aside from his addiction, he is bipolar and has PTSD. The officer was concerned for me because he also owns a knife/firearms. I don't THINK he would hurt me, but he on drugs he is very unpredictable.
As I type this I realize how bad it really is...But Zoso, as an honest question. If I do block him and he does kill himself, or if he does die from going out and getting loaded, HOW AM I going to honestly not feel guilty at all? I am utterly distraught right now, holding back tears at work. Unfocused at my job. Thank God I have my nar anon meeting tonight.
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Originally Posted by Txhelp
I've been there....the desperate phone calls and suicidal threats. I would tell him that I was going to call 911 and let them handle it. Then, I stated that I would not take any further calls until he was clean/sober.
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I have a sad family experience to share that may be pertinent. I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I think it might relate.
My brother has schizophrenia. He came down with it when he was 20. Now, he is a sweet, wonderful guy who in no way deserved that. However. When he was in his 20s, he was very very sick.
My parents went through incredible travails trying to keep him housed and attended to. As did I. We all loved him and were heartbroken, he did his best, but he could not stay on his meds, listen to doctors or obey the rules at any of the places we placed him. At times, he was very scary to be around. Other times he simply disappeared and popped up halfway across the country. Then my father would go get him, and the routine would start all over again.
My father was talking to a psychiatrist about the worst that could happen. The doctor said something along the lines of, How long would it take for you to get over it if something did happen and he died? My father thought it was an odd question. He said...I don't know...a year? The doctor said, I want you to try for one week.
I KNOW this sounds awful, but I think what the doctor was trying to say is: You have to have a life as well. No matter what.
Know what happened? We chased and chased. One fine day a hospital that shouldn't have let my brother out, let him out. A few days later, he went to my parents' home and killed my father. With a knife.
I'm just sharing this because I remember what it was like to worry about my brother ALL the time, chase after him, try to protect him, and worry that I couldn't live if anything happened to him. Little did we realize the importance of taking care of ourselves as well.
My brother has schizophrenia. He came down with it when he was 20. Now, he is a sweet, wonderful guy who in no way deserved that. However. When he was in his 20s, he was very very sick.
My parents went through incredible travails trying to keep him housed and attended to. As did I. We all loved him and were heartbroken, he did his best, but he could not stay on his meds, listen to doctors or obey the rules at any of the places we placed him. At times, he was very scary to be around. Other times he simply disappeared and popped up halfway across the country. Then my father would go get him, and the routine would start all over again.
My father was talking to a psychiatrist about the worst that could happen. The doctor said something along the lines of, How long would it take for you to get over it if something did happen and he died? My father thought it was an odd question. He said...I don't know...a year? The doctor said, I want you to try for one week.
I KNOW this sounds awful, but I think what the doctor was trying to say is: You have to have a life as well. No matter what.
Know what happened? We chased and chased. One fine day a hospital that shouldn't have let my brother out, let him out. A few days later, he went to my parents' home and killed my father. With a knife.
I'm just sharing this because I remember what it was like to worry about my brother ALL the time, chase after him, try to protect him, and worry that I couldn't live if anything happened to him. Little did we realize the importance of taking care of ourselves as well.
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But Zoso, as an honest question. If I do block him and he does kill himself, or if he does die from going out and getting loaded, HOW AM I going to honestly not feel guilty at all?
If this guy wanted any kind of help he'd get it but instead all he's doing is cruel manipulation to someone who is giving him their time to do it.
Any time anyone threatens to harm themselves we call 911 and let the professionals handle it.............we are not equipped to handle that kind of mental health.......no matter what WE try and tell ourselves.
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Originally Posted by CaringScared
I have a sad family experience to share that may be pertinent. I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I think it might relate.
My brother has schizophrenia. He came down with it when he was 20. Now, he is a sweet, wonderful guy who in no way deserved that. However. When he was in his 20s, he was very very sick.
My parents went through incredible travails trying to keep him housed and attended to. As did I. We all loved him and were heartbroken, he did his best, but he could not stay on his meds, listen to doctors or obey the rules at any of the places we placed him. At times, he was very scary to be around. Other times he simply disappeared and popped up halfway across the country. Then my father would go get him, and the routine would start all over again.
My father was talking to a psychiatrist about the worst that could happen. The doctor said something along the lines of, How long would it take for you to get over it if something did happen and he died? My father thought it was an odd question. He said...I don't know...a year? The doctor said, I want you to try for one week.
I KNOW this sounds awful, but I think what the doctor was trying to say is: You have to have a life as well. No matter what.
Know what happened? We chased and chased. One fine day a hospital that shouldn't have let my brother out, let him out. A few days later, he went to my parents' home and killed my father. With a knife.
I'm just sharing this because I remember what it was like to worry about my brother ALL the time, chase after him, try to protect him, and worry that I couldn't live if anything happened to him. Little did we realize the importance of taking care of ourselves as well.
My brother has schizophrenia. He came down with it when he was 20. Now, he is a sweet, wonderful guy who in no way deserved that. However. When he was in his 20s, he was very very sick.
My parents went through incredible travails trying to keep him housed and attended to. As did I. We all loved him and were heartbroken, he did his best, but he could not stay on his meds, listen to doctors or obey the rules at any of the places we placed him. At times, he was very scary to be around. Other times he simply disappeared and popped up halfway across the country. Then my father would go get him, and the routine would start all over again.
My father was talking to a psychiatrist about the worst that could happen. The doctor said something along the lines of, How long would it take for you to get over it if something did happen and he died? My father thought it was an odd question. He said...I don't know...a year? The doctor said, I want you to try for one week.
I KNOW this sounds awful, but I think what the doctor was trying to say is: You have to have a life as well. No matter what.
Know what happened? We chased and chased. One fine day a hospital that shouldn't have let my brother out, let him out. A few days later, he went to my parents' home and killed my father. With a knife.
I'm just sharing this because I remember what it was like to worry about my brother ALL the time, chase after him, try to protect him, and worry that I couldn't live if anything happened to him. Little did we realize the importance of taking care of ourselves as well.
I'm really sorry for your loss.
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Originally Posted by atalose
Honest question - how is NOT blocking him going to stop him from going out and getting loaded? How is a phone call going to stop someone who is hell bent on destroying themselves - you are not that powerful no matter what you tell yourself.
If this guy wanted any kind of help he'd get it but instead all he's doing is cruel manipulation to someone who is giving him their time to do it.
Any time anyone threatens to harm themselves we call 911 and let the professionals handle it.............we are not equipped to handle that kind of mental health.......no matter what WE try and tell ourselves.
If this guy wanted any kind of help he'd get it but instead all he's doing is cruel manipulation to someone who is giving him their time to do it.
Any time anyone threatens to harm themselves we call 911 and let the professionals handle it.............we are not equipped to handle that kind of mental health.......no matter what WE try and tell ourselves.
I hear what you're saying, my sponsor says the same thing. I'm just thinking out loud, but I guess my thought process is: If he has at least one person who doesn't "give up" on him, one person who doesn't "abandon" him, one person who he knows "loves him" then maybe it will prevent him from feeling entirely hopeless? Also, if I block him...I will have no insight as to if he plans on showing up at my house, or if he has suicidal thoughts, or...etc, etc.
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Caringscared,
".........worry that I couldn't live if anything happened to him. Little did we realize the importance of taking care of ourselves as well."
.......and THAT is a major truism! It may sound cold, uncaring or whatever disparaging adjective you care to assign, but true none the less.
One day at a time,
Jim
".........worry that I couldn't live if anything happened to him. Little did we realize the importance of taking care of ourselves as well."
.......and THAT is a major truism! It may sound cold, uncaring or whatever disparaging adjective you care to assign, but true none the less.
One day at a time,
Jim
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hopepray,
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Zoso is right - it's sick and cruel. My ex threatened the same thing - even went so far as to tell me that he figured out HOW he was going to do it. He said he was going to put rat poison in with his heroin and shoot it up. I fell for it too and was frantic - of course it was right in the middle of a huge event I was putting on for work. I still don't know what he was trying to get out of it - if he was trying to see if I would choose him over my work, or what. I didn't run to him and he was fine (well, not fine, but just high and not suicidal).
Please take good care of yourself!
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Zoso is right - it's sick and cruel. My ex threatened the same thing - even went so far as to tell me that he figured out HOW he was going to do it. He said he was going to put rat poison in with his heroin and shoot it up. I fell for it too and was frantic - of course it was right in the middle of a huge event I was putting on for work. I still don't know what he was trying to get out of it - if he was trying to see if I would choose him over my work, or what. I didn't run to him and he was fine (well, not fine, but just high and not suicidal).
Please take good care of yourself!
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Hopepray, I am so so sorry you are going through this...
I do think that we don't have as much influence over other people or possibilities as we sometimes think. You could do everything in the world, and it might not matter. Haven't you already?
My ex-bf has been hopeless and crying before. I told him that bad decisions didn't make him a bad person AND I BELIEVE IT.
I wish society provided more support for people with mental health and substance abuse issues. It's a truly tragic situation. But don't be one of the casualties. You already did more than many other people are ever called to do. You should get to rest now.
I do think that we don't have as much influence over other people or possibilities as we sometimes think. You could do everything in the world, and it might not matter. Haven't you already?
My ex-bf has been hopeless and crying before. I told him that bad decisions didn't make him a bad person AND I BELIEVE IT.
I wish society provided more support for people with mental health and substance abuse issues. It's a truly tragic situation. But don't be one of the casualties. You already did more than many other people are ever called to do. You should get to rest now.
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Block vs Ignore
Hopepraylove,
I have never attempted to block someone from e-mail or text; and so far as I know, I have never attempted to send something to someone who had me blocked. Therefore, I do not know what, if anything, the "blocked" person sees if they attempted to send a message.
Based on my lousy information and knowledge, I would choose to "ignore" rather than block.
Why?
I think I would be more relaxed just knowing the person was alive and maybe get a sense if they were seriously seeking help for their addiction. I think there is a time to help and much more time to stay away with addicts. For example, addict texts "I need $50. for xyz." IGNORE; addict texts "I have been accepted at ABC Detox and Rehab in XYZville, can you give me ride there on Tuesday?" ------ call ABC and confirm he really is going, text back OK for the ride.
Some would consider my example enabling --- "Let him get there on his own!"........., but I think that offering recovery is OK. Ignoring would perhaps keep you in the loop of a person you care about, blocking shuts you out. It is a tough call. Sorry he is putting you through this.
Keep coming back,
Jim
I have never attempted to block someone from e-mail or text; and so far as I know, I have never attempted to send something to someone who had me blocked. Therefore, I do not know what, if anything, the "blocked" person sees if they attempted to send a message.
Based on my lousy information and knowledge, I would choose to "ignore" rather than block.
Why?
I think I would be more relaxed just knowing the person was alive and maybe get a sense if they were seriously seeking help for their addiction. I think there is a time to help and much more time to stay away with addicts. For example, addict texts "I need $50. for xyz." IGNORE; addict texts "I have been accepted at ABC Detox and Rehab in XYZville, can you give me ride there on Tuesday?" ------ call ABC and confirm he really is going, text back OK for the ride.
Some would consider my example enabling --- "Let him get there on his own!"........., but I think that offering recovery is OK. Ignoring would perhaps keep you in the loop of a person you care about, blocking shuts you out. It is a tough call. Sorry he is putting you through this.
Keep coming back,
Jim
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Originally Posted by hopepraylove
...and want him to be at peace.
I would call 911, play them the messages, and then allow professionals to handle someone who is in crisis.
If he does attempt or succeed with his threats of suicide, then he will finally be at peace.
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I guess my thought process is: If he has at least one person who doesn't "give up" on him, one person who doesn't "abandon" him, one person who he knows "loves him" then maybe it will prevent him from feeling entirely hopeless?
This is when WE have to take a hard look at ourselves and ask are we really helping them or just enabling them to continue on their path to destruction.
If he shows up at your house just call the police.
It's in your best interest NOT to hear the ramblings of someone out of their minds on drugs.
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