My 20 year old Son
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 91
Piper,
He is doing well.
He completed one class this summer and achieved a "B" which is really good for him. He struggled with this class twice before, -failed once and dropped another time. We are proud of him.
He is full time (12 credits) this semester.
On his own initiative, he quit taking all medicine except for the sleeping pill.
He is still working, and his boss likes him.
He attends 12 step regularly.
Some challenges. 1) We established a budget of $10/day. 2) His car is not running right so we temporarily loaned him our old 98 dodge runner/work car. 3) He keeps asking to leave the sober house. He's the most senior person there now and he is embarrassed to associate with other college students fearing studying arrangements my that require he tell them he lives in this house. We will reevaluate after this semester. My thoughts are, if he embraced his history rather than be embarrassed about it I might be more inclined to let him leave.
He is doing well.
He completed one class this summer and achieved a "B" which is really good for him. He struggled with this class twice before, -failed once and dropped another time. We are proud of him.
He is full time (12 credits) this semester.
On his own initiative, he quit taking all medicine except for the sleeping pill.
He is still working, and his boss likes him.
He attends 12 step regularly.
Some challenges. 1) We established a budget of $10/day. 2) His car is not running right so we temporarily loaned him our old 98 dodge runner/work car. 3) He keeps asking to leave the sober house. He's the most senior person there now and he is embarrassed to associate with other college students fearing studying arrangements my that require he tell them he lives in this house. We will reevaluate after this semester. My thoughts are, if he embraced his history rather than be embarrassed about it I might be more inclined to let him leave.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by pilotlady 
PLEASE do whatever you can to stop this now.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 37
Damaged2- I just happened to log on today. I have not visited the site for a bit, so funny you posted this message. Thank you. My son started with "only pot" as well, and you read the rest of my story. I do believe if you can somehow do something early on, perhaps it helps. But, I do not have any answers, only experience.
I can say (with cautious optimism) that my son has been off drugs for close to 4 months. He landed in jail for a few months (finally) and was forced to quit cold turkey. Oddly, it did not seem to be a huge issue for him physically. Jail was positive experience for him (as odd as that sounds). I think it gave him a structured environment for awhile and really no options. Before August of this year, I had not spoken to my son in about a year. He had been on the streets and various other places.
Again, I have been through too much with him to totally believe all is good, but something is different this time. At 27 maybe he has "aged out" or just got tired of the life. I just do not know. But I will say I am enjoying our time together as we had some very, very bad times. A lot of hurt between the two of us. And, I know things can change in a minute.
Thank you for writing the message. As most of us know, if we can help anyone in anyway, it is such a positive thing. All I can add is talk to your son even if he does not want to listen. Question his actions even if he hates you for it. While my son and I were close, I regret not paying more attention to some things in his life when he was young. Make him accountable for his actions and stick to it.
I hope you do not go through the "hard drugs" with your son. It is a road that no parent should have to walk.
I can say (with cautious optimism) that my son has been off drugs for close to 4 months. He landed in jail for a few months (finally) and was forced to quit cold turkey. Oddly, it did not seem to be a huge issue for him physically. Jail was positive experience for him (as odd as that sounds). I think it gave him a structured environment for awhile and really no options. Before August of this year, I had not spoken to my son in about a year. He had been on the streets and various other places.
Again, I have been through too much with him to totally believe all is good, but something is different this time. At 27 maybe he has "aged out" or just got tired of the life. I just do not know. But I will say I am enjoying our time together as we had some very, very bad times. A lot of hurt between the two of us. And, I know things can change in a minute.
Thank you for writing the message. As most of us know, if we can help anyone in anyway, it is such a positive thing. All I can add is talk to your son even if he does not want to listen. Question his actions even if he hates you for it. While my son and I were close, I regret not paying more attention to some things in his life when he was young. Make him accountable for his actions and stick to it.
I hope you do not go through the "hard drugs" with your son. It is a road that no parent should have to walk.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 91
Just an update.
Our son received his sentencing in court. 2 years probation and fines, relatively low fines as compared to his crimes. It was a bitter sweet day. We were proud of him taking responsibility for his actions, and he provided a heart felt apology to two witnesses who appeared in court. One of the witness knoded and smiled to us as to say he was pleased with the actions and accomplishments our son has made since that day on the road. The other witness came over to us after we were released from the courtroom and consoled my wife and out right thanked us . She told us she could not have hoped for a better outcome. We agreed. The witness's brother is going through similar trouble so she was able to empathize with us.
The next crossroads. Our son is expected to loose his drivers license soon and his sober living house is too far away from his work and school to walk or ride a bike. We are looking for an apartment for him, and therefor need to come up with a good plan that includes a support group. The requirments of the PO help but we are concerned they are not enough. Eveything that our son has accomplished so far is good, but it did not come 100% from his free will.
Our son received his sentencing in court. 2 years probation and fines, relatively low fines as compared to his crimes. It was a bitter sweet day. We were proud of him taking responsibility for his actions, and he provided a heart felt apology to two witnesses who appeared in court. One of the witness knoded and smiled to us as to say he was pleased with the actions and accomplishments our son has made since that day on the road. The other witness came over to us after we were released from the courtroom and consoled my wife and out right thanked us . She told us she could not have hoped for a better outcome. We agreed. The witness's brother is going through similar trouble so she was able to empathize with us.
The next crossroads. Our son is expected to loose his drivers license soon and his sober living house is too far away from his work and school to walk or ride a bike. We are looking for an apartment for him, and therefor need to come up with a good plan that includes a support group. The requirments of the PO help but we are concerned they are not enough. Eveything that our son has accomplished so far is good, but it did not come 100% from his free will.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 91
He relapsed last Friday. We drove him to the emergency room. He tested positive for Opiates and etizolam. He swears he didn't take any opiates. He ordered etizolam on line and it arrived Friday morning. 12 out of 30 of the pills were gone.
Also, he failed two classes last semester. He couldn't tell us why. He didn't tell us about his grades until after the semester when we asked. Our spidey senses perked up. We were talking to him every day. Everything was improving. He ran 5 miles earlier this week. He was cooking for himself. Then on Friday, when talking to him, we could hear it in his speech. It was obvious. He passed our home test but it was obvious, plus we found the online purchases and delivery receipts.
Spring classes start tomorrow. He want's to attend but we are not paying. He doesn't want to go back to the sober living home. He didn't want to go to detox. We are not sure what to do. This is tough. Feeling numb. Not sure he's gonna pass this week's random pee test.
Also, he failed two classes last semester. He couldn't tell us why. He didn't tell us about his grades until after the semester when we asked. Our spidey senses perked up. We were talking to him every day. Everything was improving. He ran 5 miles earlier this week. He was cooking for himself. Then on Friday, when talking to him, we could hear it in his speech. It was obvious. He passed our home test but it was obvious, plus we found the online purchases and delivery receipts.
Spring classes start tomorrow. He want's to attend but we are not paying. He doesn't want to go back to the sober living home. He didn't want to go to detox. We are not sure what to do. This is tough. Feeling numb. Not sure he's gonna pass this week's random pee test.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I am sorry to hear of the relapse. it is very hard when we see improvement and then BAM! they use again. was your son attending meetings or working the steps?
I agree, do not pay for school. Right now it appears he may need a bit of course correction.
I agree, do not pay for school. Right now it appears he may need a bit of course correction.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
WF, I cannot write much now before work, but I will come back later today. I am sorry about his relapse, but I have learned that in the treatment world, relapses are now being seen as a sign that his treatment plan is not working. It clearly isn't. (Looking back, I am amazed at the things my RAD could accomplish while using heroin.)
And I agree, no college tuition, especially after two Fs last semester. Even with a sober kid, that would be a deal-breaker.
Take care of yourselves first, even a little bit, you and Mrs. WF, okay?
And I agree, no college tuition, especially after two Fs last semester. Even with a sober kid, that would be a deal-breaker.
Take care of yourselves first, even a little bit, you and Mrs. WF, okay?
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I'm so sorry. I know how it can suck all of the wind out of your sails.
The one thing I've learned in the last 10 years is that we can sometimes only make what is the next right decision. In this case, that would be no tuition. It's not a crisis if he takes a term off, in fact there's a good chance he wouldn't have passed anyway. He can cool his heels and get back on track and re-enter in the fall.
He has the tools, WF. Now he needs to use them.
My heart hurts for you and your wife.
The one thing I've learned in the last 10 years is that we can sometimes only make what is the next right decision. In this case, that would be no tuition. It's not a crisis if he takes a term off, in fact there's a good chance he wouldn't have passed anyway. He can cool his heels and get back on track and re-enter in the fall.
He has the tools, WF. Now he needs to use them.
My heart hurts for you and your wife.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 214
Im sorry your son relapsed. I think no tuition money after failing is easy to understand. Its my understansing relapse is common and often means more treatment is needed, but you might also evaluate the treatment being used and not simply repeat what was being done before. Relapse is often a sign change is needed.
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