Ksgirl

Hello all, well I have decided to let my AXH know next weekend that I'm not living like this anymore . I've written a polite but firm letter, and so has my best friend who's known him since 7th grade. We plan to deliver them together in person and then ask him to go. Here is the issue, we run a painting company together, it is my contractors license, but a lot of his contacts and the equipment we either acquired years ago together, or he acquired when we were separated for two years. The biggie is the Work truck, insured to me, in my uncles name-I want to keep it (my AXH hasn't had a license in over 10 years). He's been driving it since he returned to the home, quite frankly because I just didn't want to fight and of COURSE he kept promising to get his license squared away... His drug use is so bad now that I'm positive he's under the influence EVERY time he drives, plus now, he's been arriving home in the wee hours of the morning.
Do you think I can just take the plate off so he doesn't leave with it? Should I warn the police? Just so nervous about the whole damn thing I can't think straight.

BlueChair

If he's high then he might not care if the truck had a plate on it or not. Hes already driving without a license? Maybe you could move the truck to another location, or keep it locked in the garage until you see how its going to go down? If you dont have a safe place to keep the truck and your other painting equipment, could you rent a storage unit for a while ?

Live

If you are willing to follow through you can give him fair warning that if he uses the truck, you will turn it in as stolen.
Sound harsh? Not as bad as an accident injuring himself and/or others.

zoso77

Hey...no advice to offer. Just well wishes. Please keep us in the loop as things progress.

Ksgirl

Well, I did it this morning. Of course, I heard the " I knew you were gonna do this to me" blah blah blah. Now it's a battle for the truck and he wants money (now remember, he's spent just about every day at the pawn shop to get $ "to pay our bills" HA!)Most disgusting thing of all is our son got mauled by a dog last Monday and he wouldn't even come to the hospital. Not that I needed another nail for the coffin but let me tell you, THAT put me over the edge! Hoping this all gets over with soon

Hawkeye13

Why should it be a battle for the truck?

Tell him you will call the police if he drives it and have him arrested for theft.
He will also get busted for driving without a license.

Change the locks and kick his a$$ to the curb.
He didn't go to the hospital when he son was mauled by a dog.
Nothing more needs to be said, does it?

zoso77

Doesn't the victimization drive you nuts? It's never the addict's fault.

Deal with him accordingly, and give no quarter.

Ann

Please get the advice of a lawyer, you need it with the business issues on top of the personal issues.

Handling it yourself will only cause you problems, especially if you don't know your rights.

If the business is joint, then he "may" have the right to take the truck...laws vary from state to state and country to country (I am in Canada).

Legal advice would be well worth the price right now. Anything any of us here advise is only guesswork.

Hugs

needingabreak

I agree with Ann but in the meantime get the truck away from him so he doesn't kill anyone with the truck in your and your uncle's name. That is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
I do not know enough to comment but glad you are getting things straightened out and getting your life back. I wish you the best.

Ksgirl

I did consult with a lawyer. The truck is a non issue as I have taken the keys. He is unlicensed and I cannot have the liability of him driving again. He has of course texted me today asking for help filing his weekly claim for unemployment !! The nerve!

zoso77

If this wasn't such a serious issue, the complete lack of self awareness would be funny.

Hawkeye13

How about "NO"?

Well done on getting the keys.

Ignore his quacking and move forward.
You're doing great

Ksgirl

I SWEAR I cannot stand the BS anymore... "Woe is me, look at everything I've done for you and this family, now you're gonna take the money, I'd never do this to you, if you met someone and wanted to separate I'd be cool to you" OMG! I could scream, "listen jack*** when you're "supposedly working things out" you don't meet someone else, our mortgage is 88 days late, the cable is about to be shut off, you couldn't get your a** to the hospital for your son, etc., etc, etc". I realize there's no making sense out of his "nonsense" but it still irritates the hell out of me. I've chosen to completely disengage when he starts , I walk away and tell him "there's no point in having this conversation" Of course, it drives him nuts but honestly I'm exhausted from all the chaos and late nights stress and lies and lies and lies








and oh did I mention LIES?

hopeful4

It's awful to listen to. The quacking is HORRIBLE. I finally came to a place that I just refused to listen to it. I did just what you said above, walked away b/c there was no point. The thing is, they are mentally unable to accept any blame and they won't, ever. So why even bother.

As long as you know the truth of it all and you make decisions based on what is right, that is all that matters. You cannot control him or his decisions and/or actions.

Carry on and block the quacking.

XXX

Ksgirl

hopeful...I cannot help but laugh out loud: for YEARS his ring tone on my phone is a duck quacking and I will try to continue to BLOCK IT when it's coming from his mouth.

Ksgirl

my dear new found friends...I have an issue I need some strength (?) for. One of the checks came today and I expect two more in the next few days. Now, my AXH has been working for cash for a friend of his, so I have no idea how much HE really has, but he wants a LARGE chunk of what just came in. We worked together to earn this money. He has racked up pawn shop tickets, and all the bills (and I mean ALL OF THE BILLS) at home are in shut off or ridiculously late. I could catch up all the bills and the mortgage with what I have plus, insure that my company can continue to run by paying the liability insurance, etc. for that. Why do I feel bad for not WANTING to give him any of the money? The bills at the house are all from while he's been living here, the fridge and pantry are empty, my boys need football gear due to practice starting this week, there's no gas in my car and I could go on and on. He continues to ask me "what's going on with the money? What are WE doing with it? WE owe the pawn shop? I NEED money to move out".He has no access to it, as I have a great relationship with the manager of the bank who helped me with some overdraft fees ($159 overdrawn because HE bought smokes and a Gatorade two weeks ago and it continues to charge since we haven't cleared it up) She opened a new account for me and there's really nothing in the account with his name on it.....honestly, just don't know what to do .

zoso77

You tell me.

But remember, just because you feel bad about something doesn't mean those feelings should supercede logic, reason, or common sense.

Live

Please pay your household bills, business bills, children's needs, IF there is anything you need or want out of pawn get those. Put the rest aside as capital as every business needs.
Your future credit needs you to pay these things.
sounds like he is not kicking in from his cash job even. Is all of his just for his disposable income. I call BS.
Working for cash AND getting unemployment is illegal. The govt takes that pretty seriously, so I would not involve myself in that at all. There are huge fines involved.

Hawkeye13

Did you split the money at the pawn shop or did he take it for himself?

Catch up on bills, keep working capital, pantry needs stocked, and football gear. Kids need "normal" life.

If he did share the pawn money, pay the next installment on that and give him back his "half" that he shared.

Oh, he didn't share but bought drugs? Well, forget about giving him any back.

Paying household bills are part of living in a household. He was living there and owes
his half and you have a right to catch up. There are children living there.

hopeful4

He and his needs should be on the very bottom of your list. Just saying.

Lets think about it this way, how much has his addiction cost YOU in the past years? That may put it into better perspective.

Hugs.