Ksgirl

It has now been a week since I told him he has to leave - for good this time. He has had his moments of "oh God, I can't WAIT for my freedom" comments but good LORD, he has been around more in the last 7 days than the last 7 months. Now, I took the truck keys but honestly, for a year and a half prior to his return, he had no vehicle and had NO problem getting around. Today he got some money in his pocket so he (of course, so predictable) got a buddy to pick him up to "go look at work" LOL!! I am at my wits end and really just venting here.
I told my boys I asked him to leave and why. They were as prepared as they could be and then HE DOESN'T GO ANYWHERE! He did "go out" on Saturday night and I told him if he could afford to do that then he should be able to afford to move...not that I wanted him here, I just didn't want to be awakened at 12, or 1 or 2 or whenever AND if he wants his freedom then his a** should be taking every dime and saving it for his move.
It is such a flipping mess. There are glimpses of that old guy that was a sweetheart and seemed to care BUT he is so totally different now. Seems the years of additional addiction have added to his "jerkness". I've heard him say a few times this week "love you or love you guys"....does he not realize I want to vomit when I hear that? It is SUCH A LIE...and I know that what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business but it irritates the hell out of me that I look like the "bad guy" or the "judgemental bit**" or the 'ungrateful one" to whomever he can spew his story to.
The joy inside is starting to return though....I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, today it just seems like the tunnel is longer than I was hoping.

hopeful4

Just want to send you big hugs. He has not changed, likely wont. Stay the path, be strong.

Hugs

chicory

You are doing what is right for you and the children. It may seem like a long tunnel, but the faster you go the quicker you get to the light..lol. I understand the joy feeling too. hang on to that, with all your might!

hang in there. He will probably pull out every trick he knows. thats what they do. but you are worth more than a few bones thrown your way

Ksgirl

I am happy to say I went to a Naranon meeting last Thursday. I will be going again this Wednesday. I am NOT happy to say that I LOST it with my AXH twice this weekend. I've been trying so damn hard not to engage, detach, not yell or blame, but I am not perfect and sometimes honestly, it feels GOOD! Just for a minute, but it's almost like a release. Any advice on how to not let this insanity get to me? I'm working on changing the title of the truck so I can hand him the keys (the only reason I think he's still here) and tell him "now go!" UGH just over it, sorry

zoso77

Every time you give yourself permission to go off on him, you undercut yourself. So knock it the f**k off.



Respectfully,

eddieI

god what i would give for some of your strength!

Right after the **** hit the fan i had a conversation with my AH on the phone. he lowered his voice to a wisper and said "hunny you need to get mad, you are stronger when you are mad, I have seen you, and you are going to have be strong to get through this".

stay strong!

Firefall

This is a serious situation, for sure nonetheless I found myself smiling because it is so true and it eases our judgement off ourselves to know that we are not the crazy ones and there are those like you that are breaking through to daylight making the right choices. Yay for you ksgirl!!!

Oh did I mention how tired I am off the lies?

Ksgirl

EddieI, I am gaining strength daily. My AXH has used the sweet talk crap too and it's worked but not anymore! Reading here, going to Naranon, setting boundaries. None of which is super easy as I am a classic codependent. I'm working on me and the thing that sets my wheels in motion the minute my feet hit the floor is this :I WILL NOT raise sons in this environment so they think ANY of it is acceptable. Best of luck to you