LexieCat

If I were you, I'd get on the phone to your lawyer and tell him you don't need ALL the details this second if he doesn't have time to discuss them, but that you want to know--are you still legally married, or not?

hopeful4

In my state I found out online that I was divorced before my actual attorney even knew. I had been checking it daily, and then, there it was, DIVORCE FINAL!!! If you state maintains a database like that, you may check and see what it says.

Zircon

Hi,
I'm feeling a little low tonight. I got the details of the judges decision.
My AH has 6 months to refinance the house, if he can't it's sold!
The land will be put up for sale, and the proceeds split.
The business is given to my AH, nothing for me.
His IRA, I get whatever was put in for the 13 years we were together(actually 1/2).
I don't know how I'm going to continue to live financially! My AH won't be able to refinance, so it buys him another 6months, then whatever time it takes to sell the house. It will be probably a year or more.
I feel that this whole settlement is unfair! My AH didn't have to produce a business plan and the court gave him 6months.
What about me! Don't they care, I can't work, and am depending on this money to help me secure permanent housing!
I guess it's my fault! I gave this man my whole mom's inheritance, and now I'll be living in poverty, even though I supported my AH for 13 years!!
I'm just having a rough night!!
Z

LexieCat

I'm sorry you won't see the money sooner, but you'll be OK. Is the land separate from the house? Can you put that on the market now? It might be tight for a little while longer, but you'll get your share.

I don't know what went into the decision about the business. Still, you got half the IRA. And you WILL get half the house and land. AND you got your protective order extended.

Did you find out the status of your marriage? Is the divorce final?

FWIW, he probably feels HE got the short end of the stick. And you never know, maybe his sister will buy you out. Who cares, as long as you get your money? And is the business really worth that much?

I'm not trying to minimize, and I know it's been a long drawn-out thing, but you actually are close to being done. Six months will go quickly--faster than you think. Maybe there are some things you can do in the meantime to prepare to put the house on the market the instant his time is up. Maybe you can start looking for a place to move, yourself, once you get the proceeds.

It's gonna be OK, and YOU are gonna be OK.

Hugs,

Bekindalways

Hey Z, big hug. Sorry about the downer evening. The downs are bound to happen but doesn't make it much easier.

Hope you can figure out something that eases things for you financially.

Keep posting and courage to you!

Zircon

Hi,
If we both agree to the judges decision, the divorce will be granted 5/15. They want me to sign over the deed to the house, within 30 days and they will keep it in escrow! I will not be signing over the deed til I have my money. They gave him 6 months to stay refinance the house when it only takes 24 hrs to get approved for a loan! The court didn't even request his plan to show he can pay for the home. So, 6 months is a long time. Then if he can't refinance, the house is put up for sale! That could take another 6months to a year!! And again who knows what the condition of the house will be then!!
The judge essentially gave him carte blanche to do what he wants! Who's to say in 6 months he doesn't ask the court to extend the time to refinance the house because the business will be taking off.
In the meantime since the mortgage remains in my name, I can't get any kind of loan because it puts my debt ratio to high!
So my life continues to be on hold while my AH is awarded the business and can owe our home, without having to be held accountable for having the Loan in his name.
I am not ok!
The judge might as well have given him the house! She gave him everything else!
I will never have a home again!
6 months is a long time, then maybe another 6-12 to sell if the house is in sellable condition. And by then, the court won't be I interested in our case! And if I have to take him to court, it could take another year!
I'm don't thinking going to recover from this! I blame myself for my poor choices!
I no longer have any faith in anything or anyone!
Z

maia1234

Z,
I am so sorry, it is so unfair. Reach out to your attorney and see if there are any other options. I wish I had an answer, it just plain sucks.

LexieCat

I think you need to discuss this with your lawyer. It seems to me that if the order is finalized he is in no position to ask for a further extension. I'm also not clear on the legal effect of this proposed order. Is it simply another settlement proposal? If that's the case, you can make a counterproposal, I would assume. Maybe you can agree to it IF he makes monthly payments to you--to be credited to your share of the equity. That would at least free up some money. Or maybe you could ask for him to agree to a home inspection now, and for him to assume responsibility for any change in condition between now and closing.

Apparently, based on what you've written, you can also reject it entirely and go to trial, but it sounds like you really want this OVER.

I know it's disappointing, but I honestly don't think this is going to determine the rest of your life. Talk to your lawyer.

hopeful4

I hate to say this Z, but the six month thing is pretty standard. Some judges here give you a year to refi or put it up for sale. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SIGN OFF ON THE DEED without having your money. That would mean you have no rights to the house, but are still on the loan. NO WAY.

I too am confused how this works. I thought this was a final judgement, not a settlement offer?? I would speak to your attorney for sure. I would also want some sort of agreement put in that he agrees to keep the house in sellable condition in case he cannot refi. Not sure how that should work, ask your atty. I would also ask to see PROOF he is trying to refi, and not just holding out for a good interest rate, etc. He should have to do it for the first acceptance he can get.

Hugs to you friend.

Zircon

Hi,
I am very upset! I am on both the mortgage and his truck loan. This means I can even think of trying to secure a permanent place to live, because I have some much debt with the mortgage and not enough income. His truck, he told the court he had only 4 payments left, so the court said he didn't have to refinance. In truth he has 7 payments left, and is late every month with his payments, so again effecting my credit!
I'm just devastated! The court gave him 1/2 the land, but he hasn't paid a tax bill on it, I have. We have a tax bill that was due in January. I didn't pay it, thinking we'd be going to court, now the town is putting a lien on the property. I don't have the money to pay the bill, and I guarantee you my AH won't pay 1/2 of the bill, but the land was bought with my mother's inheritance, yet he reaps the benefits!
I guess in the eyes of the court, it's ok to be an abusive alcoholic, who shows no income for almost 2 years, but they give him all the benefits! Not the woman, that has supported this man, set up his business, spend all her money, and mother inheritance on their business and home. But is unable to work anymore due to a brain hemorrhage. She can't even get a small loan, because due to her being the bread winner, his truck and the mortgage loans are in her name. The court gave her no relief so she might be able to have a place she can call home. She continues to be a woman without a home. The court decided instead to count on the abusive alcoholic, and gave him time to refinance, maybe get a job, while continuing to live a very nice lifestyle, while I live in poverty!
I don't see anything fair about this decision or the judicial system at all!
Z

LexieCat

Have you even DISCUSSED this with your lawyer? Because you haven't told us anything about how he explained it to you.

I get the sense that this is spinning out of control in your mind, when maybe some facts and advice will get you grounded.

abbccj03

Z-
I just want to say so sorry you are having to deal with this. It does not seem fair. You are justified in feeling angry and upset. (((((((HUG)))))))

hopeful4

Z, since this is apparently not final, can you come back with those facts that you just shared with us? That he has 7 payment left, not 4, is always late on them, and that there is an outstanding tax bill? He needs to be COURT ORDERED to pay these things, but if the court did not know about them is it too late to make them aware? I don't know, but I would be finding out through your attorney.

I agree with Lexie. This is one step at a time friend. Talk to your attorney and find out what you need to do next.

Hugs.

Zircon

Hi,
I just got this decision and it says we have 10 days to file motions, it's dated 4/12, so we have till today.
I have been texting my lawyer, who say" we did pretty good"! Obviously he has a comfortable home to live in, and food on his table.
I made the HUGE MISTAKES! selling my home, putting the money into our home, working the high stress jobs while married, bringing in the the 6 figures! I never expected to have a brain hemorrhage! I even worked 6 years after, but it took a toll on me while taking care of my AH mom.
My lawyer knows all this! He finally agreed to call me this afternoon.
It really doesn't matter. None of this wil be changed!
I'll be sitting here a year from now spouting the same story!
I have completely lost faith in everything especially the judicial system! How could they give a man 6 more months to refinance a house, when he's made no attempt to find a job, and show at least a business plan to project that he'll have an income! It's not like it's been 6months, he's had no income for 2 years!
I don't believe I'll ever see any money!
I'm sure my AH is doing his hapoy dance with his soon to be wife that they can continue to live on my dime.!!
I think I need to stop posting! I don't want to upset anyone.
Take care all!! And again thank you for all your support and advice!
Zircon

Hangnbyathread

Yeah unfortunately, family courts resolve these in their domain which is asset allocation. They often don't care nor can take the time to determine the longer term financial impacts it may have on one side vs the other. On my divorce, my exes name was on NONE of the mortgages or deeds, by her own choosing. But the courts determined she was entitled to half. Then she wouldn't sign off on the sale paperwork without a court order. That was no longer the same court it was then a new civil matter to start new.

I finally determined it was faster and easier to simply walk away and let them foreclose. She got hurt ZERO by that, and it took me 5 years to recover on my credit rating. Yet the family court ruling determines it was a fair settlement.

My heart goes out to you. These are pretty sucky outcomes.

LexieCat

Don't stop posting, but discuss the problems with your lawyer. The number of days for things like responses usually count only business days, so my bet is the weekends don't count, and you have until sometime next week. It's also quite easy to get an extension if you need one.

Tell him about the tax lien. If you could get that resolved you could put the land on the market immediately.

Ladybird579

Don't stop posting Zircon. My exah got everything too, including the house I had bought outright before our marriage of 20 years. He never worked but I did. I was angry, upset and felt I had no hope cos I have also had a brain hemorrhage and can't work a paid job anymore either. Ive right sided weakness and memory problems. I ended up with all the loans to pay off and living in a tiny rented flat with two of our sons on welfare.

There is life after all of it tho. You will recover and you will be OK. It just seems like you won't now. ((huge hugs sweetie)))

hopeful4

Z....don't stop posting. You are frustrated, and you are not alone! We are your friends, we will listen.

I cannot believe that your attorney did not tell you about the six months, and to expect that. Geez. I agree with Lexie, I bet you have more days than you think. A simple call to the courts would answer that really quickly.

Sending huge hugs friend. Breathe. We are here with you.

theuncertainty

I completely understand needing to vent. I know it looks dark. I felt the same way after my divorce finalized. However, Zircon, you're so close, and it does sound like you might still have options once you get a chance to talk with your lawyer. Will it help to point out that's a really just a whole string of If's in your posts?:
IF this is the final order.
IF he gets everything.
IF he doesn't do the work to refi.
IF he waits forever and the house has to go on the market.
IF it doesn't sell right away.

Some may have a high probability of happening, some may come true, but some may not come true. Even if all of your Ifs, become true, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll never have a home again. ((((hugs)))) Deep breath, friend, all you really have to worry about right now is the next step you need to take. Time will give you a better idea of what battles you really need to gird up to face. Hang in there.

FeelingGreat

Zircon, no advice, but thinking of you. No, it isn't fair, and if your lawyer presented the facts to the court and they still made this decision, then you've got to wonder.