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Old 03-11-2011, 07:23 AM   #1 (permalink)
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As sick as our secrets


For the first time in years, I'm opening all the doors of my life. I'm telling family and friends what really has been going on. For some the response has been, "Oh my gosh! I had no clue." Others have said, "I was hoping you'd get it some day."

I kept the secret. My husband was a binge drinking alcoholic. He was high functioning - most around him wouldn't have had a clue. I didn't want to tarnish his image, particularly to close family and friends... but they already knew what I didn't want to face. He was drinking to the point of losing control. It had started to ruin family events. And most recently, it turned physical. My personal safety meant I needed to let the secret out.

I found this interesting article. It was written mostly for recovery alcoholics, but I think the basic concept applies to us. As Sick As Our Secrets « Digital Dharma

What secrets are you keeping? And are they making YOU sick?
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I'll check out the link in a few minutes.

I just wanted to say I do understand. I don't keep it a secret anymore. My close friends know. And as of a couple months ago so does everyone in the town nearby.

I ran into an old acquaintance several weeks ago. She said to me, "How's your husband? I haven't seen him in nearly forever." I replied, "He doesn't leave home unless he has to. He still works on his projects in the early morning but by nine o'clock he's sitting in the yard drinking beer until time to each lunch and take a nap."

I know this gal will tell the world her news. I've felt so free since that afternoon.
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
For the first time in years, I'm opening all the doors of my life. I'm telling family and friends what really has been going on. For some the response has been, "Oh my gosh! I had no clue."

I kept the secret. My husband was a binge drinking alcoholic. He was high functioning - most around him wouldn't have had a clue. I didn't want to tarnish his image, particularly to close family and friends... but they already knew what I didn't want to face. He was drinking to the point of losing control. It had started to ruin family events. And most recently, it turned physical. My personal safety meant I needed to let the secret out
.

I could have written this! My H is a high functioning A too (binges and drank nightly). I've been getting a lot of the "omg I had no idea". NO ONE (other than his family who I told a while back) has had a clue.

It used to anger me that no one could see how he was. I'd be miserable at gatherings bc he'd drink to excess, I'd be embarassed at how different his personality was (silent brooding to mr funny life of the party) and he'd tell me I was no fun. And of course no one ever saw the emotional and verbal abuse. Even when it got physical this fall his family made excuses and blamed me.

Oh and AH thinks that the word alcoholic should never be uttered if our kids are within earshot... it's a secret. Yeah right. That's why when our now 5 yr old was 3 she was calling soda cans beer.
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Old 03-11-2011, 10:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I have been allowing my honesty out and I kind of enjoy the expressions on faces!

My mother asked AH where he was going and why she needed to watch my kids for 15 minutes, why couldnt he just take them with him ? He looked at her then me as he began to speak some lie! I blurted out.... "he is going to make a drug run" but I have to go to work now!" and I walked out. I left him to deal with my mother on that one. Only to see him walk to his truck as I pulled out the driveway.

my mother was an enabler to my father and step fathers so I am not suprised.
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