ksumm77

How much concern am I to have over old behaviors? My AH has been sober for 2 months. Over the past several weeks, he's skipped a couple NA meetings, isn't as "hard core" into the gym and his diet as he was the first month and called off work today (because he couldn't guarantee that he'd be off work in time for a medical appointment, he says). My counselor had told me last night to bring this to his attention and tell him my concerns. I did this, over the phone since I'm at work, and it didn't really go over too well. He told me that I have my Al Anon meetings that I've gone to and didn't like and didn't return. He asked me, "What, you thought I called off so I could stay at home and use today?" That's not even the thought that crossed my mind. I told him it's just old behavior that he would call off of work not being ill. He was getting upset and he told me, "Well, I know what I'm doing and not doing."

So, I guess my question to others is how much concern should I have over old behaviors? I know that relapse begins before a person even picks up and uses.

Buffalo66

I just put my RAH out of the house in his 4 month because he is dry drunk.
Feel free to click on my name and read back several of my posts.
Same story;
1st month he was grateful and vigilant.
2nd month, couldn't get out of bed, meetings slacking,
3rd month secretly going to the bar but nit drinking, meetings down to zero.

Google "dry drunk syndrome, minesota recovery"
I don't live there, but it's a great description of what it's about.
Essentially, the RA does not do the inner work to change the thinking that worked while using. Mine did all the same things he used to by month 3, without taking a drink, and without cheating on me.

It's s slippery slope.

It sounds like he needs to dig deeper.

nodaybut2day

ick, I'd hate to be in the position of having to remind someone if they're behaving in a way that's "dangerous to their sobriety". Reminds me too much of having to police an alkie's drinking.

IMO, he's going to do what he's going to do, no matter how much you warn him about old habits cropping up.

Shellcrusher

Yeah. That's kind of a hard spot to be in. My AW is a binge drinker. Therefore, I know there are cycles to her drinking. She can be good for a while. Perhaps 20 days will go by in peace and then she does something huge and destructive and it's always because she went back to drinking.
I love the peace but I hate the peace. It's the calm before the storm. Just keep working on you. Don't let yourself repeat the same old behaviors. I made some big changes in the last week for myself and I have to admit that I don't have as much paranoia about what or when my AW will repeat her destruction. I have a plan, which in the end has nothing to do with her. And that have broken me out of worrying about her old behaviors.

Good luck with this one. For me it was a phase. It might come back. It was very hard but it's possible to get beyond it.