Putting off the inevitable...
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Putting off the inevitable...
So yesterday BF comes over and invites me to dinner
He states he wants to invite me out for Xmas trip
I ask him how much he wants to spend for the trip and he says "if it were for me, nothing"
So I get it as he is saying I am worth $0. I mention if he really doesn't want to spend a dime, then its better if he doesn't. He goes on saying he wants to go to place X, or maybe place Y... I say, it will be GODDAMN XMAS, everything will be booked, and more expensive than usual! not to mention we have gone to X and Y numerous times already, there HAS to be somewhere else to go... and why can't he make up his mind... I was angry/hurt as I recall that is what I have chosen for myself... zero love, zero interest, zero money, zero gifts, zero nice surprises...
He spends the night at my apartment. "Because its closer to his job". I know, I know, can you spell doormat. (No sex though-how can I feel attraction to this man???)
I woke up and go to the bathroom - you are right... he left it DIRTY FOR THE NTH TIME... it was DISGUSTING.
I spend the next couple of hours thinking what I am getting out of this. I came up with something.
"He is handsome"
That's it folks. Can someone please remind me it will be better when I am single?
I also worry "others" will think I am a loser after we break up- but those are not expected to clean after some "man" who hasn't even learned to go to the bathroom.
On the other hand I am grateful for this "warning sign". I am now writing to my therapist. I keep placing excuses, like "its my 24x7 on call, I don't need extra stress" but why keep losing my time and his time?
And yes he is a user - his roomie cooks and cleans for him. He said "he also helps" but according to him he also "helped me". Funny how being manipulative and finding others to do your work is not an alkie-only trait. He also just bought a Blackberry. A few weeks earlier I was the idiot lending him money for a mobile phone and it turns out he HAS money.
At least he gave me back what he owed me for some payments. And bought back the TV we paid together.
He also says I fail to see "all he does for me" like promising to get my car fixed (I could get an appointment with Toyota too, so WTF?) or buying me stuff (like an external drive that never worked well and lost some of my important work data..)
Ok. Now I am angry. Good. "Nothing changes if nothing changes" is the motto. Perhaps God is sending me signals that this is over. Can someone please remind me there's light after this?
He states he wants to invite me out for Xmas trip
I ask him how much he wants to spend for the trip and he says "if it were for me, nothing"
So I get it as he is saying I am worth $0. I mention if he really doesn't want to spend a dime, then its better if he doesn't. He goes on saying he wants to go to place X, or maybe place Y... I say, it will be GODDAMN XMAS, everything will be booked, and more expensive than usual! not to mention we have gone to X and Y numerous times already, there HAS to be somewhere else to go... and why can't he make up his mind... I was angry/hurt as I recall that is what I have chosen for myself... zero love, zero interest, zero money, zero gifts, zero nice surprises...
He spends the night at my apartment. "Because its closer to his job". I know, I know, can you spell doormat. (No sex though-how can I feel attraction to this man???)
I woke up and go to the bathroom - you are right... he left it DIRTY FOR THE NTH TIME... it was DISGUSTING.
I spend the next couple of hours thinking what I am getting out of this. I came up with something.
"He is handsome"
That's it folks. Can someone please remind me it will be better when I am single?
I also worry "others" will think I am a loser after we break up- but those are not expected to clean after some "man" who hasn't even learned to go to the bathroom.
On the other hand I am grateful for this "warning sign". I am now writing to my therapist. I keep placing excuses, like "its my 24x7 on call, I don't need extra stress" but why keep losing my time and his time?
And yes he is a user - his roomie cooks and cleans for him. He said "he also helps" but according to him he also "helped me". Funny how being manipulative and finding others to do your work is not an alkie-only trait. He also just bought a Blackberry. A few weeks earlier I was the idiot lending him money for a mobile phone and it turns out he HAS money.
At least he gave me back what he owed me for some payments. And bought back the TV we paid together.
He also says I fail to see "all he does for me" like promising to get my car fixed (I could get an appointment with Toyota too, so WTF?) or buying me stuff (like an external drive that never worked well and lost some of my important work data..)
Ok. Now I am angry. Good. "Nothing changes if nothing changes" is the motto. Perhaps God is sending me signals that this is over. Can someone please remind me there's light after this?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
A clean break is always best. Handsome guys are a dime a dozen. This guy is just a user and you are better off without him. You already ARE single and the longer you waste time on this guy, the longer you will have to put up with his crap.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I suppose it could be worse. Instead of being "handsome" he could just have "good feet." Sorry, couldn't resist.
I found when I expected zero from others, then zero is what I received. When I began to expect more, I received more.
What we have here is another case of TOAT--taker of all things. He will take, and take, and take until he can take no more.
I found when I expected zero from others, then zero is what I received. When I began to expect more, I received more.
What we have here is another case of TOAT--taker of all things. He will take, and take, and take until he can take no more.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I had to look that up
house·bro·ken (housbrkn)
Past participle of housebreak.
adj.
1. Trained to have excretory habits that are appropriate for indoor living: a fully housebroken dog.
2. Trained to be docile or compliant.
LOL... yes, even my cats are MORE EDUCATED and RESPECTFUL...
I mean, I am so ashamed for even describing this behavior.
He just called to see "how I was doing". I had sent an angry SMS.
Yes, it would be nice if I actually raised my expectations. I mean- they can't go any lower than this.
suki - you are right, I am single anyway. I was thinking about that "going to the beach at Xmas" plan. I already got a vacation planned, I am already booking the flight, finding out how to get there, and am bound to have a good time.... I don't need him.
FD, you are right. There is no such thing as luck, its just my codieness+no self worth=TOAT partner.
So, this is a dealbreaker, not being housebroken, and also not knowing how to spell. Really. It bugs me. All of this shows "NO EDUCATION". Gladly, I am fed up and tired.
Thanks, feeling much better now.
house·bro·ken (housbrkn)
Past participle of housebreak.
adj.
1. Trained to have excretory habits that are appropriate for indoor living: a fully housebroken dog.
2. Trained to be docile or compliant.
LOL... yes, even my cats are MORE EDUCATED and RESPECTFUL...
I mean, I am so ashamed for even describing this behavior.
He just called to see "how I was doing". I had sent an angry SMS.
Yes, it would be nice if I actually raised my expectations. I mean- they can't go any lower than this.
suki - you are right, I am single anyway. I was thinking about that "going to the beach at Xmas" plan. I already got a vacation planned, I am already booking the flight, finding out how to get there, and am bound to have a good time.... I don't need him.
FD, you are right. There is no such thing as luck, its just my codieness+no self worth=TOAT partner.
So, this is a dealbreaker, not being housebroken, and also not knowing how to spell. Really. It bugs me. All of this shows "NO EDUCATION". Gladly, I am fed up and tired.
Thanks, feeling much better now.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
These are gifts in disguise. I mean if he at least TRIED I would still be hooked or hoping for something better. Recently he also brought sushi - did he even bother to take his trash out? no, he left everything around for me to clean up. It is a big deal, no my apartment is not a hotel or trash can.
Sheesh.
Oh Oh and while talking about his horneyness levels-he said- "its because you look sexy". Right. Its MY fault.
Thanks guys. I got my strength back. I asked to see him later tonight. Hope I don't chicken out. I'll just reread this thread over and over again.
Sheesh.
Oh Oh and while talking about his horneyness levels-he said- "its because you look sexy". Right. Its MY fault.
Thanks guys. I got my strength back. I asked to see him later tonight. Hope I don't chicken out. I'll just reread this thread over and over again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Thanks guys. I got my strength back. I asked to see him later tonight. Hope I don't chicken out. I'll just reread this thread over and over again.
You don't have to see him to break up.
I think some relationships merit a heartfelt talk when it's time for a break-up. You know, when you sit down with the person and hold hands and say, "It's not me, it's you."
But this guy doesn't deserve that. A brief, breezy phone call with a "No, let's not see each other anymore. Okay, take care."
Then no contact. And change the locks on your apartment!
Good luck.
You don't have to see him to break up.
I think some relationships merit a heartfelt talk when it's time for a break-up. You know, when you sit down with the person and hold hands and say, "It's not me, it's you."
But this guy doesn't deserve that. A brief, breezy phone call with a "No, let's not see each other anymore. Okay, take care."
Then no contact. And change the locks on your apartment!
Good luck.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Text him that you can't meet later cause you're too busy cleaning up the MESS he left in the bathroom and that if he ever shows back up at your place you'll dump the trashcan on his head.
*not really
*not really
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
The best thing is that he says (quacks) he "loves and me and would do anything for me"
Right
LOL.
And of course he still has stuff in my apartment. Why would I pack HIS stuff ?? that angers me. Yes, need to change locks. Thanks for the reminder.
Right
LOL. And of course he still has stuff in my apartment. Why would I pack HIS stuff ?? that angers me. Yes, need to change locks. Thanks for the reminder.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
He needs not a partner but a Mom
I am glad I decided to stop playing that role
Gosh.
It was so gross. Yes sure, come to my clean, newly decorated apartment to make it all dirty and leave the mess to me. What a perfect analogy for all the losers I have welcomed in my life. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? Really.
I am glad I decided to stop playing that role
Gosh.
It was so gross. Yes sure, come to my clean, newly decorated apartment to make it all dirty and leave the mess to me. What a perfect analogy for all the losers I have welcomed in my life. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? Really.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? Really.
You gotta' stop thinking that way, seriously TC. It keeps you stuck. Listen, life is going to bring you THE SAME THING over and over until you learn the lesson you were meant to learn. Start by comparing him to the last one you couldn't get rid of. Look for all the things they have in common, all the things you experienced with BOTH of them, and try to find the lesson. Once you identify the lesson, you can learn from it, and then prevent yourself from making the same mistake again.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
TC, Only you can change your situation.
The longer you hang on to the hope that he will have a complete metamorphosis to BECOME the man you want, or the longer you allow yourself to accept crumbs because it seems better to you than nothing, the longer you will spend wasting away the best years of your life. You do deserve a better life, but you will need to work hard at attaining one.
You still work in the same company as an ex who presents a constant reminder of past pain and you are still allowing the present bf back to continue to disrespect you, but you are allowing this and keeping yourself stuck. Through it all, you are miffed as to how it is still happening.
What is really keeping working at the same company instead of moving to another company and what is keeping you from dumping the current bf altogether?
Wishing you good things, but it is from hard work from yourself.
The longer you hang on to the hope that he will have a complete metamorphosis to BECOME the man you want, or the longer you allow yourself to accept crumbs because it seems better to you than nothing, the longer you will spend wasting away the best years of your life. You do deserve a better life, but you will need to work hard at attaining one.
You still work in the same company as an ex who presents a constant reminder of past pain and you are still allowing the present bf back to continue to disrespect you, but you are allowing this and keeping yourself stuck. Through it all, you are miffed as to how it is still happening.
What is really keeping working at the same company instead of moving to another company and what is keeping you from dumping the current bf altogether?
Wishing you good things, but it is from hard work from yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
As my grandmother used to say to me:
"Pretty is as pretty does"-
so , this guy is really quite ugly, as I am recalling his actions from your other posts .
take off the outer skin, and what do you have?
ugh
why let any one use you this way?
You may really hate looking back at it one day.
and ya sure can't undo it.
"Pretty is as pretty does"-
so , this guy is really quite ugly, as I am recalling his actions from your other posts .
take off the outer skin, and what do you have?
ugh
why let any one use you this way?
You may really hate looking back at it one day.
and ya sure can't undo it.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
So, let me get this straight: this guy not only feels comfortable living in filth but also leaves a trail of urine and or excrement in his wake. I may have inadvertently used the wrong acronym previously. He may actually be an ROUS (rodent of unusual size).
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by formerdoormat 
so, let me get this straight: This guy not only feels comfortable living in filth but also leaves a trail of urine and or excrement in his wake. I may have inadvertently used the wrong acronym previously. He may actually be an rous (rodent of unusual size).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
At the moment I am on my own with my children and I love it!
A week ago I considered myself to be completely single and I was great with that. Turns out RAH is busting his nuts to sort himself out and has now 3 weeks sobriety behind him and is making lots of other great progress - so I have not washed my hands of the marriage yet - but I am enjoying being on my own way too much to be jumping into anything headfirst.
Do you really need to act based on the notion that others might think you are a loser if you break up? From what I read you will never get any self respect if you stick with people like the man you describe.
It really will be better when you are single.
A week ago I considered myself to be completely single and I was great with that. Turns out RAH is busting his nuts to sort himself out and has now 3 weeks sobriety behind him and is making lots of other great progress - so I have not washed my hands of the marriage yet - but I am enjoying being on my own way too much to be jumping into anything headfirst.
Do you really need to act based on the notion that others might think you are a loser if you break up? From what I read you will never get any self respect if you stick with people like the man you describe.
It really will be better when you are single.
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