sleepie

Heres a new thread to log my attempts/ progress (?) gnashing of teeth, sad complaining, personal bests, small triumphs and cautious hope for something good as I embark on my phase of dietary changes and exercise. This is not fueled by vanity but by desire for optimal health, which after my drinking record seems almost ridiculous to even hope for. But now that I'm over 7 months free of alcohol and benzos I feel it is time and on the small breaks we get from scorching laser rays of heat and lung crushing humidity, I have been doing some exercises.

One small caveat. I'm a venter. I also make my own progress and am maintaining sobriety and escaping the grip of addiction each day I persevere. But it isn't always pretty and I also have a few mountain's worth of anxiety and the privilege of a very abusive upbringing. This all equates to someone in their first year of sobriety who can get to feeling very worried, ill in the heat, sometimes really sad and not feeling rewarded for their efforts at times.

So there you have it. Join if you dare.

Now for this week I did a ton of stairs yesterday, running up and down a flight of about 14 stairs. My heart rate was extremely high. It was quite worrisome.

Today I did a 30 minute fast walk before it gets to horribly hot out. Started to get woozy so had to take a cool shower and eat.

I watched a video on 4 7 8 breathing technique. It's to be done twice a day so I hope I remember.

zjw

you re mind me of myself. It was like ugg i guess i'll give this diet and excercise crap a go wtf else do i got to loose maybe i'll feel better wtf knows *sigh* probably just die of lung cancer or cirossis or something with all the smoking i did and drinking. I figured I was really doomed and that a lung cancer diagnoses and cirrosis where right around the corner and would be the perfect icing for the crap cake i had going on. It would be just my luck i figured.

here i am tho 5 years later slim trim fit healthy. I have never been so fit and healthy in my entire life and out perform many teenagers and so on when i'm out running. its crazy theres kids 15-20 years old that cant even think of keeping up with me. And i smoked over 2 packs a day!! and drank like a fish How is this even possible? I should shutup now before i jinx myself!

your well on your way tho it sounds like.

sleepie

It's going to be tough with my bf as he is quite overweight and also seems to hate exercise. I turn around and he's halfway through a bag of chips I didn't even know he had. I always have to be the one to cheerlead his/ our exercise and healthier diet- if I don't make it happen, it doesn't happen. Same for diet, he'll try and talk us into eating something unhealthy and it's like " Geez can we be on the same team? Do I have to do this for both of us?"... I may just do like I did with drinking, I'm on my own IRL no cheering section, ok, let him do his thing I'll do mine.

FBL

Daily walking and deep breathing exercises have helped me tremendously over the past 7+ years. My advice is to start slow and work your way up. I started with just walking a few blocks every day, now I'm up to a few miles daily with no problems (other than when it gets too hot, like now).

I wish you the best, Sleepie.

zjw

lol yeah my wife and I over the years where each others own worst enemies. we'd run out of dope or something and be like ok ok enoughs enough we are gonna quit then like a day would go buy and one or the other would be like ::snicker wanna get some dope:: ok they other would say and like to little kids we'd laugh our way to getting more. The same played out wtih smokes and food oddly i was on my own in the booze dpeartment she was never a super huge drinker.

When i got sober then quit smoking then had ot fix up my diet then excercise I was pretty much on my own and I new it'd be sooooooooooooooo easy to give in and order a pizza or smoek a cigarette but I was liek ya know someones gonan be strong here or neither of us will ever get this licked.

biminiblue

The nitty gritty, Sleepie.

I've spent many years on MyFitnessPal and your story is common on the forums there. I think it is key to recovery from...life.

What your BF does or doesn't do is his life, his body and his problem. It is really common for significant others to (consciously or unconsciously) sabotage efforts at healthy eating and/or exercise. So be it. If he wants to continue to sit at the computer and eat Doritos, oh well. Just do you. You can't control that. No one gets 100% support from anyone - as much as we would love that it just doesn't happen on this planet.

I'm really excited for you. Like anything else, there is a learning curve - but the benefits are almost unbelievable once it becomes a way of living. Don't beat yourself up if you have an off day foodwise or don't get in your walk or whatever, but notice how you feel on those days when you get it dialed in. That's what kept me on the path. I lost 70 pounds, I got all my bloodwork and health markers in the normal range and I feel great. It takes time and as always it's two steps forward and one step back at times.

Keepa go.

sleepie

Hi Sparkle, Hi FBL. FBL I see on the other thread about your daily walks and the heat. I understand. Those fleeting cooler hours in the very early morning allow for real sleep. I awoke at 5 this morning after 4 hours sleep and it was muggy, so that was all I got!

Zjw I was not even aware of that part of your story!

least

Sleepie, congrats and hugs on over 7 months clean and sober!

My only exercise is walking the dogs. And when it's hot I can't do that as often. But I enjoy it when I can.

sleepie

Oh, but bimin I can't see it that way, bigger picture is this is the person I want a life with. It won't do for either of us to be ailing!

Thanks for your excitement.

I am a little irked that some have been so critical of me ( not directed at you Bimini this is general) I mean it has been near drink inducing at times, geez people I WILL get there, it's just on my timeline ok? Patience. It never hurt anybody. And thank you to my peeps who have stuck by me this far, I know I am neurotic, negative, anxious and a mess. Does it help to nail me to a wall for that? No. The same medicine does not apply to all.

This is how it goes for me. I am not the sort who just jumps up and gets all sparkly eyed about things and I certainly am not motivated by vanity. I'm not imagining a pretty dress at the end of my diet tunnel. I just want to feel strong and confident, and at peak fitness. I am more like zjw described earlier.


I feel pretty good after my Amy's brown rice and tofu bowl. Are you familiar with Amy's?

sleepie

And congrats on your healthy achievements Bimini. Maybe you will share some of what that path was like?

sleepie

Thanks least it will be 8 at the end of the month which is 2 thirds of a year. I hope to dazzle my dr at the next check up. I want to be that person.

biminiblue

I totally get it about questioning whether he is the right one for you, but all you can do is you.

I'll bet if you stick to your guns on this and continue to do the right thing regardless of his habits you will answer that question for yourself. Give it time, though. Just like you don't "turn on a dime" neither does he. If you are getting healthier, he will start thinking about it - and he'll get on board or he won't. That's how all relationships are. None of us can cheer-lead someone else into recovery. You of all people understand that!

sleepie

That's true, I get resentful of trying to lead his horse to water. I'm just going to do this I guess, the rest is up to him.

SparkleKitty

Hey sleepie, just stopping by to say this is a great thread and this above is a very healthy attitude. I think the best you can do is to focus on taking care of yourself. Hopefully your BF will be inspired to join in.

biminiblue

hm. I think I misunderstood. You do want him in your life. Sorry, I thought you were questioning that.

It seems that most couples have an imbalance at times. If you start feeling really good he's bound to notice and put two and two together. It's really freeing to let go of other peoples' stuff. None of us are so powerful as to be able to change someone else when they aren't ready. Your past many threads are a testament to that!

sleepie

That's ok Bimini it still made sense.

sleepie

Yeah like I said some people here could have checked their own negativity before criticizing me. It's called projection folks.

Thanks Sparkle. One can hope. I did my brown rice and veggies, and even now of course a mocha beckons. I won't but it's floating there mentally. I mean it's easy to fall off the diet wagon so I know it's going to be tough for both of us. I'll just do me.

I did the 4 7 8 breathing technique. I felt pretty good for awhile.

zjw

people probably thought i was argumentative, had problems with authority, stubborn, hard headded, stupid?, pain in the a$$ , an *******? and your know is all partly true to some degree or another lol. but really i was just getting over my BS and sorting it all out and tearing down all these incredible mental walls i built up for myself over the eyars. I had a lot of BENT UP that needed getten out lol took a damn while for that steam valve to quit blowing steam after i had finally uncorked it lol. but it did fizzle down.

Those dang mental barriers for me tho can be bad. wife might ask if i wanna go do soemthing and its not so much that i dont want ot its just htat i got this HUGE mental barrier about doing it thats defended by countless excuses and reasons why i just wanted to sit home and do nothing instead. It used to be that i just wanted to stay home and drink or what have you but once i removed that I realized it went even deeper.

Hawkeye13

My spouse has not chosen to quit drinking or embrace healthy exercise / eating habits so far either sleepie.

It does make it harder for me, but I just continue on my own positive self-care and sobriety and try to be peaceful about it.
He can choose how to live his life as well as me.

Ultimately, I don't want to spend my life dealing with either alcohol or someone with chronic poor health--it is my greatest hope he will choose
to save himself but I know I can't make him do anything.

I can show how much better my life is, and is going due to good choices, and build my own future.

biminiblue

4 7 8 comes in handy all day long for me. I am like you in that I have a hair-trigger response to stress/PTSD at times. With practice, I now notice the anxiety feeling in my stomach and I notice when I have been shallow breathing or holding my breath, and I do that breathing technique right away. It stops the downward cascade of fear.

On the subject of people saying stuff...I've learned to not share if I don't want opinions. Especially on a forum: there are always pat-on-the-back people and tough-love people (both) who will respond. Different approaches work for me at different times, but if I'm not in the mood for tough love or people trying to tell me how to live, I don't mention whatever it is I'm struggling with. I just figure it out.

In the end it is just their opinion, though.