KAD

He seriously thinks it's a distraction and worries that I get bad advice here. I've explained that I rarely ever even come here anymore. I stop in now and then, mostly to see some of the latest posts. I've also explained that there are a variety of ideas and opinions at SR, including a forum for those in 12-step recovery. I'll continue to visit, regardless. Just thought it was interesting that he took issue with it, and that I'd feel compelled to defend doing something that does help me at times. I spoke to someone else in one of my local AA meetings who agreed with him. Interestingly enough, that person doesn't even speak to her own sponsor...at all!

JeffreyAK

You're a unique snowflake after all, and if you find something that is useful and your sponsor doesn't like it, you're free to get a different sponsor or none at all. Your choice.

elsker

Huh. My sponsor totally doesn't mind that I frequent this forum, plus another one.

I think you're probably capable of knowing what advice is bogus on here.

Che

Maybe it's a control issue, maybe he has good reasons. I think he wants you to trust him and go to him when you want to talk about stuff, rather than resorting to anonymous strangers on the internet.

I hope it won't become an issue between you two.

Ken33xx

Interesting but not necessarily unusual. There are plenty of AA groups/members who get defensive if you question their views on recovery.

KAD

It really isn't. I think it's just gonna have to be one of those things about which I rely on my own sensibilities and keep to myself. I certainly don't perceive coming here as a threat to my sobriety, and that should be his only concern, I would think.

juppe

He's jealous! Too funny

leviathan

Qualifications to become a sponsor? -wanting to sponsor. I would drop him in a heartbeat. This forum is an incredible resource. If you hear the "dry drunk" line, run.

venuscat

My first sponsor pointed out to me that she would be my guide.
I believe this is a sponsor's role...to guide, and to share experience strength and hope.
I would not like it all if my sponsor gave me orders about what I could and couldn't do.

badger257

Being around positive sober and recovering alcoholics is a negative thing? Hmmmm....isn't that what AA is?! Waitress, check please.

Andante

The only way I could imagine his disapproval being appropriate or relevant would be if your coming here somehow distracted you or detracted from your ability to follow his guidance on working the Steps -- like if you argued with his suggestions, saying "well, on SR they told me to do it this way."

Otherwise, *control freak alert!*

Ken33xx

Good point.

Frank14

These are the types of control type arguments you get into with your spouse, not a stranger off the street. He's the one source of truth? He sounds pretty insecure.

Gottalife

You couldn't get more "stranger off the street" than here. We never get to eyeball each other.

One definition of humility that makes sense to me is the ability to learn from someone elses mistakes. Maybe your sponsor has some experience he is basing his advice on. Perhaps he feels it is a bit risky to try and follow bits of a program here, and bits of one there. Maybe he has seen a few thngs you haven't seen yet and is just trying to give you the benefit of that.

I personally had no humility. Given any advice I would say' yes but I'm different that won't apply/happen to me' and I had a history of flying in the face of good advice. My sponsor knew this and never gave me one bit of advice. He let me run off and make my mistakes, and when I came unstuck I could always turn to him to help me learn from them.

I always new better, always had to reinvent the wheel. Some of the advice he didn't give me I often see on this site, advice I really would have liked to hear, would make my journey easier, and would have killed me had I taken it. Not because the advice was wrong for the people giving it, but because it was wrong for an alcoholic of my type. My options in recovery were very much more limited than I would like to have believed.

As a sponsor I would not advise you either way. It's an outside issue, and in anycase the AA program suggests we don't dismiss other ideas. It only becomes an issue if it gets in the way of your AA program and while your sponsor may see that, you are the only one who can do anything about it. It is your choice, and if it turns out to be a mistake then it's your lesson to learn.

KAD

Well, he didn't order me not to come here, he just screws up his nose and gives a patronizing chuckle whenever I mention anything about it. I don't offer anything I've read on this forum as an alternative , or an opposing view, to the steps or anything he's saying. It's usually just in the course of casual conversation I might mention something I've read here I could relate to. It's come up so rarely that, to me at least, it's a non-issue, but not to him, apparently.

I also see a counselor once every couple of weeks. That isn't just by my choice. It is required, one, so that I can gain back the rights to have unsupervised visits with my kids again and, two, so I can get back my driver's license next August. My sponsor has commented that it seems like I'm doing some of this out of compliance. Well, in that regard, I don't really see that I have much choice, but I'm trying to make the best out of all of the input I get. My goal is to not only stay sober but to recover, for good. I don't really feel conflicted about any of the information I'm taking in.

KAD

I believe that sentiment is at the root of his attitude toward my coming here. I also believe some of it is "contempt prior to investigation." If he gave SR a fair shake and actually read some of the posts here, I believe he'd see a mix of good advice and bad advice, much like what I get at any given AA meeting. As I mentioned in a previous post, I never offer anything I've read or heard as an alternative to AA. The last place I went for rehab was faith-based and very much opposed to AA, but I was able to see the parallels between their respective methods and bring them to a unified whole.

I think what bugs me is not being given the benefit of the doubt. Although I've done foolish things when I drank, I'm not a fool and can think for myself. I'm not looking for ways around the steps, but I'm also not going to go against what the Big Book says and just dismiss other ideas out of hand. I like to keep an open-mind.

zombob

I still have a sponsor and I don't go to meetings but like twice a year. He says "dry drunk" and many otherAAspeak things--it's all he knows. He's also still a heavy smoker with crippling COPD. Typical old-school Person--in or out of AA. He tells me to journal right after I've told him I'm journaling and many other things a sponsor must do to stay sober themselves. Don't get me wrong, he does help me but in ways far removed from guiding me through the steps and giving me one-liners from the archives (been there done that twice and still drank). Keep him or dump him, its your choice. I will say I've noticed a massive change in GMO and I give You credit for that. Who/Whatever resources you use from here on out will be good as your track record is proving. Congrats, you are out!

P.S. When I do go to meetings and folks ask what I've been doing I always say online-recovery and plug SR---I get plenty of head-shakes too but a few are open to recovery options.

zombob

I gotta say his human spirit is bigger than Texas--he's always giving-to-have and makes no bones about That being what keeps him sober. That is bigger than just sobriety but we can talk all day......

AAPJ

As someone who goes to meetings and reads here and one other on line recovery forum I think both can be valuable. For me the intellectual quality of shares/posts here is higher overall than what I get from most FTF meetings. I think this is because when people post here they have some time to organize their thoughts before posting but verbal shares in a meeting are somewhat less organized. But the personal nature of a FTF meeting can't be matched on any on line forum. On Friday night a guy with 4 years told his story with emotion and was crying by the end of his share. Can't experience that here.

So my vote is that both have significant benefits. I don't understand your sponsor's POV. But what do I know?

miamifella

I used to hear that following a sponsor's guidance shows willingness and is practice for following your higher power's guidance.

But I always felt that making your own judgement was important. I think deciding whether to visit this site or not is the kind of decision you need to make for yourself. People lose sponsors over things like this, but I think those are sponsors well lost.

But it sounds as if you are already handling the situation quite well.