Just waiting to drink again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
Just waiting to drink again.
I'm wanting a drink pretty bad the past couple weeks and especially the past few days.
I've been sober 2.5 years now. But all along I've been sad about this. Sad that I can never drink again.
A lot of times I list the "whens" of times I'll be able to drink again. Like: if my husband dies or leaves me, if I get terminally ill, etc.
This gives me some sort of comfort. Makes me feel there is at some point an end to my sobriety.
I'm not going to go out and buy any alcohol for myself as I'd let my family down so much. I couldn't bear to do that.
Am I alone in thinking like this? Is this a bad thing or is it just part of how I keep myself sober? Sometimes it scares me.
I've been sober 2.5 years now. But all along I've been sad about this. Sad that I can never drink again.
A lot of times I list the "whens" of times I'll be able to drink again. Like: if my husband dies or leaves me, if I get terminally ill, etc.
This gives me some sort of comfort. Makes me feel there is at some point an end to my sobriety.
I'm not going to go out and buy any alcohol for myself as I'd let my family down so much. I couldn't bear to do that.
Am I alone in thinking like this? Is this a bad thing or is it just part of how I keep myself sober? Sometimes it scares me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm very sorry to read you're struggling but happy you aren't drinking.
Sobriety needn't be a white-knuckle gig. It sounds like you got sober for your family? A good reason, indeed, but can you appreciate the benefits for yourself?
I am completely alone in life, so I have to self-motivate. It's not a bad deal, to be honest. I did some therapy, read a lot of books. I now have peace. That's the goal, to me.
Sobriety needn't be a white-knuckle gig. It sounds like you got sober for your family? A good reason, indeed, but can you appreciate the benefits for yourself?
I am completely alone in life, so I have to self-motivate. It's not a bad deal, to be honest. I did some therapy, read a lot of books. I now have peace. That's the goal, to me.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Jade try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
2.5 years sober is fantstic im 16 months i had a friend who decided to drink at 2.5 years sober
He commited suicide earlier this year im not joking when i say i hate this illness
Jade alcohol is killing alcoholics every day accept that you want to live without alcohol rather than die with it sounds strong but ive lost 10 ppl since getting sober july 2013 today we buried my gf godmother she died a sober alcoholic 25+ years sober
if you ever want to talk send a pm
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
2.5 years sober is fantstic im 16 months i had a friend who decided to drink at 2.5 years sober
He commited suicide earlier this year im not joking when i say i hate this illness
Jade alcohol is killing alcoholics every day accept that you want to live without alcohol rather than die with it sounds strong but ive lost 10 ppl since getting sober july 2013 today we buried my gf godmother she died a sober alcoholic 25+ years sober
if you ever want to talk send a pm
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
I've never given any thought about what benefits I personally get from being sober. It's all about my family all the time.
I'm very glad to hear you're doing well and are at peace with yourself.
I can think of a few things about being sober that are for me alone. Feeling healthy is one. Hangover free is good.
I'm very glad to hear you're doing well and are at peace with yourself.
I can think of a few things about being sober that are for me alone. Feeling healthy is one. Hangover free is good.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Read this jade your words http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...id-myself.html
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sounds like you are just abstaining from drinking, as opposed to being recovering from alcohol addiction. Big difference.
Two and a half years is a long time to be miserable sober, missing the drink.
Two and a half years is a long time to be miserable sober, missing the drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
I've just reconciled myself to fighting it the rest of my life. The cravings pass eventually and then I'll have long stretches where I never give it a thought. I only wish I never had these periods of wanting to drink and being sad I can't. Part of recovery I guess.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Jade, have you tried to find out what sort of things could possibly fill the void that quitting alcohol left in you and that is obviously not gone at this point? Other than what your family and loved ones can occupy?
Some of the first things I heard and read when I got sober was that we need to change our lives drastically and fill it with meaningful activities in order for it to be too good for us to contaminate with drinking. And that creating such a life would eventually make the desire for alcohol dissipate and disappear, so that sobriety will become fearless, effortless and natural. I've always had natural inclinations to live this way, but was skeptical at first, having insane cravings. Now I really believe it and that it's the only really successful way of recovery, even though I still have a long way to go.
Some of the first things I heard and read when I got sober was that we need to change our lives drastically and fill it with meaningful activities in order for it to be too good for us to contaminate with drinking. And that creating such a life would eventually make the desire for alcohol dissipate and disappear, so that sobriety will become fearless, effortless and natural. I've always had natural inclinations to live this way, but was skeptical at first, having insane cravings. Now I really believe it and that it's the only really successful way of recovery, even though I still have a long way to go.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by jade2112 
I've just reconciled myself to fighting it the rest of my life. The cravings pass eventually and then I'll have long stretches where I never give it a thought. I only wish I never had these periods of wanting to drink and being sad I can't. Part of recovery I guess.
As someone said earlier, just not drinking does not treat alcholism. In fact, for a long time, drinking was the best treatment I knew for alcoholism, until it stopped working.
I tried just not drinking and got so low that I almost lost the will to live. I saw drinking as the only possible solution to how I was feeling. When alcohol stopped working, I couldn't face life with alcohol or without it. Not drinking, in my experience, was as bad if not worse than drinking.
I had to find a decent substitute, another way to feel part of life. And it was not to be found in a bottle, or in gambling, or sex, or food, or other behaviour.
That expensive and extensive rehab surely did not push you out the door at the end of your treatment saying "all will be well now, just don't drink". I am pretty sure they will have suggested that you continue your journey with some ongoing support on a regular basis. What did they suggest and why are you not doing it? If they didn't suggest anything, I'd want my money back
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
jade, when i went to rehab, it was because i lost the job and owed it to my family. it was also a prudent thing to do for my professional future.
that wasnt enough. although i had tools to avoid picking up again, i still wanted to.
it took some inventory and soul searching to find out life really is better this way (what a relief). i look back on the good times and see that they had become a broken record. if i was to start again i would not find anything new, and the chemical comfort would be fleeting and of no real substance.
i like my new life. i can enjoy things without having the blunt instrument of medication feeding me lies. making me over react, and under react. dulling the edges that make me ME.
in times of strife, i sometimes think of my old friends (insert substance here) and then i realize they only pretended to help, stealing from me in the process. crap-if i could have my hangover days back it would be like four years or so...
purely abstaining is going without something. recovery is gaining something. in my case many things. hope you can find this joy.
that wasnt enough. although i had tools to avoid picking up again, i still wanted to.
it took some inventory and soul searching to find out life really is better this way (what a relief). i look back on the good times and see that they had become a broken record. if i was to start again i would not find anything new, and the chemical comfort would be fleeting and of no real substance.
i like my new life. i can enjoy things without having the blunt instrument of medication feeding me lies. making me over react, and under react. dulling the edges that make me ME.
in times of strife, i sometimes think of my old friends (insert substance here) and then i realize they only pretended to help, stealing from me in the process. crap-if i could have my hangover days back it would be like four years or so...
purely abstaining is going without something. recovery is gaining something. in my case many things. hope you can find this joy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
It was a 12 step based rehab. I went to a few meetings after I got home but AA wasn't what I was looking for.
For starters I've been an atheist for over 20 years and have no doubts on the subject.
I found it extremely hard to come up with anything whatsoever to give any sort of power over my life to. It's just not for me.
Let's not mention the club house allows smoking at meetings and sitting in a blue haze with burning lungs, throat, and nose for an hour wasn't very inviting either. Neither were the cliques.
When I complained about the smoke I was rudely told there was a fan in the closet I could let blow on me if I didn't like the smoke. I never went back.
I'll just have to deal with wanting to drink and simply not do it. I do think of the consequences of drinking when the urge strikes.
For starters I've been an atheist for over 20 years and have no doubts on the subject.
I found it extremely hard to come up with anything whatsoever to give any sort of power over my life to. It's just not for me.
Let's not mention the club house allows smoking at meetings and sitting in a blue haze with burning lungs, throat, and nose for an hour wasn't very inviting either. Neither were the cliques.
When I complained about the smoke I was rudely told there was a fan in the closet I could let blow on me if I didn't like the smoke. I never went back.
I'll just have to deal with wanting to drink and simply not do it. I do think of the consequences of drinking when the urge strikes.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
When you say AA wasnt what you were looking for, same here. But I assume that you are looking for recovery. At present your search has not been successful if your current suffering is anything to go by.
If you are like most alcoholics I know, the path your are on will eventually exhaust you and the pain of staying sober will outweigh the benefits.
If this should be the case, and it may not of course, please remember that loads of atheistic thinkers, me included, have found our lack of belief in a god to be no barrier to recovery. Also, every meeting in my country is non smoking and I would be amazed if there were no non-smoking meetings in yours. Of course meetings are but a small part of the program, most of the work in getting and staying happily sober is done away from meetings.
I see also that you can think of the consequences when the urge to pick up is upon you. Well done and full credit for that. It means you have an effective mental defence against the first drink which is with you 24/7, for at least as long as you don't want to drink. My main reason for going to AA was that I did not have such a defense. The result was that the drink problem was removed. In spite of those problems you mention in your first post, which come to everyone sooner or later, alcoholic or not, when they have come to me it has not occurred to me to drink. Instead I react sanely and normally.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
If you are like most alcoholics I know, the path your are on will eventually exhaust you and the pain of staying sober will outweigh the benefits.
If this should be the case, and it may not of course, please remember that loads of atheistic thinkers, me included, have found our lack of belief in a god to be no barrier to recovery. Also, every meeting in my country is non smoking and I would be amazed if there were no non-smoking meetings in yours. Of course meetings are but a small part of the program, most of the work in getting and staying happily sober is done away from meetings.
I see also that you can think of the consequences when the urge to pick up is upon you. Well done and full credit for that. It means you have an effective mental defence against the first drink which is with you 24/7, for at least as long as you don't want to drink. My main reason for going to AA was that I did not have such a defense. The result was that the drink problem was removed. In spite of those problems you mention in your first post, which come to everyone sooner or later, alcoholic or not, when they have come to me it has not occurred to me to drink. Instead I react sanely and normally.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Like: if my husband dies or leaves me, if I get terminally ill, etc.
But then for example at the last AA meeting I heard about various folks going thorugh various tragic events and remaining sober. I realized it doesnt have to be this way. That I can actually get through whatever life throws at me and remain sober somehow. There is hope and that I dont need to think like this.
That being said at 3+ years sober I'm starting to rethink those types of thoughts.
I didnt quit for anyone else tho. I very selfishly quit for only me. The idea of doing it for others or it benefiting others was an after affect a biproduct if you will of my selfish decision to quit for me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
AA is not the only way to salvation, Jade. There are quite a few members here on SR who have achieved that state of contentment, peace and happiness with/in sobriety that you seem to lack, they achieved it without AA. It's about finding our own way to recovery that brings us more than abstinence and continued fight.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by jade2112
I found it extremely hard to come up with anything whatsoever to give any sort of power over my life to. It's just not for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi jade
I think it's very important to find personal reasons to quit. Quiting for others rarely works in the long run.
I think it's also important to acknowledge that many of us need to do more than just not drink.
If you drank to try and fill a void, stop drinking, but don't do anything else about that void, you're kinda setting yourself up, if not for an inevitable fall, a life of misery cos you're always missing something you cannot have.
What do you want your sober life to be like? is it close?
what could you change?
D
I think it's very important to find personal reasons to quit. Quiting for others rarely works in the long run.
I think it's also important to acknowledge that many of us need to do more than just not drink.
If you drank to try and fill a void, stop drinking, but don't do anything else about that void, you're kinda setting yourself up, if not for an inevitable fall, a life of misery cos you're always missing something you cannot have.
What do you want your sober life to be like? is it close?
what could you change?
D
Last edited by Dee74; 11-19-2014 at 03:38 PM. Reason: 'quilting' for others rarely works either
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 55
At 2.5 years sober I can't help but only look at the positive side.
There are no down sides! What you are feeling is life. Not everybody walks around perfectly happy all the time. Just remember if you get back on the alcohol to get that uplifting feeling it's going to repay you by taking you much much lower than you are now. Remember that.
Good job by the way,.
There are no down sides! What you are feeling is life. Not everybody walks around perfectly happy all the time. Just remember if you get back on the alcohol to get that uplifting feeling it's going to repay you by taking you much much lower than you are now. Remember that.
Good job by the way,.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
There are no down sides! What you are feeling is life. Not everybody walks around perfectly happy all the time. Just remember if you get back on the alcohol to get that uplifting feeling it's going to repay you by taking you much much lower than you are now. Remember that.
I couldnt have said it better.
Im constantly reminded of the fact that some discomfort I might be feeling is called "life" yes I suffer from a serious condition called "life" as well. Its not always unicorns and rainbows. I heard a speaker recently who stated that he'd set a goal fail feel crappy then set a new goal that was even higher and repeat the pain all over again. He said we need to set attainable goals so that we dont set ourselves up for the fall etc..
I think in my case sometimes I get carried away I set the bar higher then I should or it even needs to be set at. This then makes life difficult and if i fail to sucede it makes me feel bad.
Sometimes we are better off making it easier on ourselves.
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