Just waiting to drink again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hey Jade....2˝years is fantastic. Having continual cravings is not nice....this happened to me when I quit smoking at the 2 ˝ to 3, year mark. relentless, full on cravings!
It was crazy and I kept telling myself that I was so happy to be a non smoker and that as long as I didn't light up the first
one I could remain a happy non smoker...that was 6 ish years ago and I never get craving for cigarettes, just happy not to smoke any more. Fingers X that happens for the booze as well!
I have just over 12 months sober now and I am happy to be a non drinker and have struggled these last 12 months...I have thought as well, when will it be acceptable
and okay to have that drink that I had resolved not to....What significant event, perhaps a comet heading straight for us, dooming the planet earth forever more....IDK....
The last 12 months have been tough, I lost my Mum after she fought so hard, I also lost my granddaughter to rare congenital disease...senseless...my son has been in
intensive care a half a dozen times in the last 12 months.....
What a 12 months...what awful paralyzing pain....
There has been a lot of wonderful stuff happen as well and wonderful times....I have been close to drinking but I truly know drinking just is not any sort of answer
or response to anything and it compounds everything so badly.
My desire to escape from myself can take over and I need to tell myself that there is no relief in alcohol, definitely not for us alcoholics.
When I get these ideas that a drink would be nice, I ask myself what do I really need/want.....do I need to talk to someone,
perhaps a cuddle or someone to just get me or is it space I need or exercise, may be as simple as food. It will pass, it has to....
It was crazy and I kept telling myself that I was so happy to be a non smoker and that as long as I didn't light up the first
one I could remain a happy non smoker...that was 6 ish years ago and I never get craving for cigarettes, just happy not to smoke any more. Fingers X that happens for the booze as well!
I have just over 12 months sober now and I am happy to be a non drinker and have struggled these last 12 months...I have thought as well, when will it be acceptable
and okay to have that drink that I had resolved not to....What significant event, perhaps a comet heading straight for us, dooming the planet earth forever more....IDK....
The last 12 months have been tough, I lost my Mum after she fought so hard, I also lost my granddaughter to rare congenital disease...senseless...my son has been in
intensive care a half a dozen times in the last 12 months.....
What a 12 months...what awful paralyzing pain....
There has been a lot of wonderful stuff happen as well and wonderful times....I have been close to drinking but I truly know drinking just is not any sort of answer
or response to anything and it compounds everything so badly.
My desire to escape from myself can take over and I need to tell myself that there is no relief in alcohol, definitely not for us alcoholics.
When I get these ideas that a drink would be nice, I ask myself what do I really need/want.....do I need to talk to someone,
perhaps a cuddle or someone to just get me or is it space I need or exercise, may be as simple as food. It will pass, it has to....
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by jade2112 
Am I alone in thinking like this? Is this a bad thing or is it just part of how I keep myself sober? Sometimes it scares me.
After having a spiritual awakening, the thought of needing a drink never occurred to me, ever again. In fact, I never even needed to think about not-drinking, ever again.
I always thought that having a spiritual awakening was somehow going to give me the strength to resist drinking ODAAT. That's not how it works. It is total liberation from thoughts of needing a drink in the first place.
I used to use alcohol as a venue to get to a better place in my head. Now I realize that I am already there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by jade2112
I'm wanting a drink pretty bad the past couple weeks and especially the past few days.
I've been sober 2.5 years now. But all along I've been sad about this. Sad that I can never drink again.
A lot of times I list the "whens" of times I'll be able to drink again. Like: if my husband dies or leaves me, if I get terminally ill, etc.
This gives me some sort of comfort. Makes me feel there is at some point an end to my sobriety.
I'm not going to go out and buy any alcohol for myself as I'd let my family down so much. I couldn't bear to do that.
Am I alone in thinking like this? Is this a bad thing or is it just part of how I keep myself sober? Sometimes it scares me.
I've been sober 2.5 years now. But all along I've been sad about this. Sad that I can never drink again.
A lot of times I list the "whens" of times I'll be able to drink again. Like: if my husband dies or leaves me, if I get terminally ill, etc.
This gives me some sort of comfort. Makes me feel there is at some point an end to my sobriety.
I'm not going to go out and buy any alcohol for myself as I'd let my family down so much. I couldn't bear to do that.
Am I alone in thinking like this? Is this a bad thing or is it just part of how I keep myself sober? Sometimes it scares me.
I now think I will never drink again, because I don't want to.
The desire to wipe away massive efforts with exponential beneficial effects is long gone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I used to tell myself I could start smoking again someday. Ha! At twenty years now without nicotine I know I'll never ever smoke again. I'm over three years sober and I don't think about drinking again anymore. I think it was pretty recent that I reached that state of mind, though. I'm at 8 months without pot now and I still think about being able to do that again--maybe after a year? I don't think so! This is probably just a trick that allows us to get through the day. Quitting is hard!
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Congratulations on 2 1/2 years sober, Jade! It is too bad that your local AA fellowships allow smoking, I know that would be a deal breaker for me! It is bad enough to have to walk through the fog bank on the porch at my fellowship. This is one of my button topics, so I will stop here before I start ranting....
I did a quick search for Agnostic Recovery and found this website. It looks like there are options for you!
Worldwide Agnostic A.A. Meetings
I hope you can find a way to help you continue your recovery and work through the issues which lead to your drinking problem in the first place.
Good Luck!
I did a quick search for Agnostic Recovery and found this website. It looks like there are options for you!
Worldwide Agnostic A.A. Meetings
I hope you can find a way to help you continue your recovery and work through the issues which lead to your drinking problem in the first place.
Good Luck!
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey jade2112- Congrats on the 2.5 years!
I can certainly relate to this. I've been sober for 15 months now, and although I feel that I've been reaping the benefits of not drinking, I do still battle with some sadness as a result of not being able to partake in some of my old activities. My entire life changed in one day, from seeing my bar-pals several times a week, to being a TV guy. I suppose it's more the beer-buddies and the laughs that I miss, vs. the booze itself.
I am still growing though, and perhaps this will change. Things are good; really good in most areas, except for the fact that I do miss some of my old life.
Over all I do feel the benefits are so well worth the change, that I have no desire to go back to how I was, however that does not mean that I don't miss some of it. I also have to remind myself how bad off I let things get, before I finally did something about it. And for people like me, there's no 'casual drinking' because I am just not able to....because I'm an alcoholic.
Hang in there-
Lusher
But all along I've been sad about this. Sad that I can never drink again.
I am still growing though, and perhaps this will change. Things are good; really good in most areas, except for the fact that I do miss some of my old life.
Over all I do feel the benefits are so well worth the change, that I have no desire to go back to how I was, however that does not mean that I don't miss some of it. I also have to remind myself how bad off I let things get, before I finally did something about it. And for people like me, there's no 'casual drinking' because I am just not able to....because I'm an alcoholic.
Hang in there-
Lusher
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by jade2112
I've never given any thought about what benefits I personally get from being sober. It's all about my family all the time.
I'm very glad to hear you're doing well and are at peace with yourself.
I can think of a few things about being sober that are for me alone. Feeling healthy is one. Hangover free is good.
I'm very glad to hear you're doing well and are at peace with yourself.
I can think of a few things about being sober that are for me alone. Feeling healthy is one. Hangover free is good.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 137
What you describe is being "dry" not "sober" in my opinion. Obviously you are sober as your not drinking, but being miserable in sobriety is dry...you haven't created a new life, just stopped drinking. I am with Boleo on this, one has to have a complete psychic internal change, the obsession to drink is lifted, just not there anymore... I feel so bad for you that you have been so miserable, and haven't gotten to experience the pure joy of true sobriety...clearly you are a very strong person however as to get this much time in feeling like you do...I wish you well, I wish you the experience and peace of true sobriety.
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