Rina

It totally sucks but I was three years sober before while in therapy and thought I was cured of my anxiety so I tried drinking in moderation and got the DUI a few months later. I went to my first AA meeting the morning after and have been sober ever since. I'm believing being in recovery will be the difference I need to thrive this time. My sponsor has helped me with my situation with my sis. There are a lot of people at meetings that were completely estranged from family members that have wonderful relationships with them now. I have to believe I will have that again one day with my sister. I hope you do too-Hugs!

suki44883

We encourage people all the time to set up boundaries. It isn't necessary, either, to tell the addict in your life what your boundaries are. But when their boundaries are crossed, they should respond by enforcing the boundary.

It sounds like you and your husband have had a volatile marriage for a while now. You said this isn't the first time he's beaten you. Just as we would encourage you to set boundaries, your family also has that right.

I'm sure your sister loves you, but it sounds like she is protecting herself and her family from the obvious dysfunction of your family. In any case, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and I'm glad to hear you will not allow any of this to give you an excuse to drink.

OklaBH

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

CNY46ER

I feel your pain. My family has abandoned me as well. I have my kids and I accept that. We cant control others only our own actions. I know it hurts. This too shall pass.

OklaBH

Every family loves the scapegoat. I've gone above and beyond for them. They are all coming back around. I have my gaurd up though. Alcoholic , yes I am. Door mat, no I'm not.

downtown3

If you were my sister I would tell you to you separate yourself from the abuser and if your not willing to do that, dont contact me or the rest of the family. I would force you to make a decision. Like others have said its tough love and they are drawing a line in the sand. If the risk of losing your family, those who truly care for your well being, for someone who has repeatedly shown their true colors is not enough to sway you than nothing will.

Just another perspective.

Jsbodhi

The last thing someone in a domestic violence situation needs is to be isolated. That's what the abuser wants, it leaves the victim feeling even lower and vulnerable.

OklaBH

And that it did. Had she asked what my plan is or said he can't be at christmas....would be different. We never spoke though. Just a cold " stay away" text. My father said she doesn't speak for him. At this point I'm not concerned. It's really best I stay away and spend holiday with my sons.

Jsbodhi

Aw! Xoxo. Sorry you're going through this, it's so hard!
Pm if you ever need to b1tch

DoPerdition

Is there a possibility that your husband has talked to your sister and said something untrue about you? Maybe he tried to make himself sound like a victim or like he was defending himself. Abusers sometimes do this too. My sister's husband has called me and tried to convince me of terrible things about her. He tries to manipulate everyone. I just wonder if your husband is that way also?

Sudz No More

I personally think it sounds like you are better off not being with them anyway. I sense some real bad karma with your whole situation. Try to make some of your own positive energy and enjoy the holiday with your sons. The more you stay away from all that negativity the better.