Bully
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Huge hug Kate. Take extra care of yourself today. You cannot, and cannot be expected to, take responsibility for your adult children's lives or their feelings. Easier said than done! But your kindness, decency & goodness show heaps in your posts on SR, and both here & elsewhere in RL, people appreciate that. It is your daughter's loss she can't see that right now. That doesn't make it any less true though.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 206
Kate, I hope you are alright and if there's little or nothing you can do to influence your daughter's behavior, maybe the best damage control is to look after yourself right now. Maybe she doesn't recognize that you're a person and you're important too. Maybe she's all about what's in her head. And it's up to her to figure out what to do with that.
I've seen my sister treat my dad terribly. Her cruelty is truly unbelievable (and so is the language that goes along with it). My dad thinks there's something he can do to fix it or at least smooth it over, but the problem is with her. It's just the way she is, it's her personality. She's mean, selfish, insensitive, and sometimes outright nasty. I've seen her say and do things specifically motivated to antagonize and distress my dad. Sure he's not perfect and he's made mistakes, but come on nobody needs to be an angel. He's always wondering what to do with her, and I usually suggest he should just leave her alone, let her be and don't pursue her or it just escalates. At least until she calms down. I don't know if that's a helpful idea or not for your situation, but I feel for you because of what I see my dad go through.
I have hope that my sister and people like her will self-reflect at some point and eventually grow up enough to want to change.
Take care and keep us posted
I've seen my sister treat my dad terribly. Her cruelty is truly unbelievable (and so is the language that goes along with it). My dad thinks there's something he can do to fix it or at least smooth it over, but the problem is with her. It's just the way she is, it's her personality. She's mean, selfish, insensitive, and sometimes outright nasty. I've seen her say and do things specifically motivated to antagonize and distress my dad. Sure he's not perfect and he's made mistakes, but come on nobody needs to be an angel. He's always wondering what to do with her, and I usually suggest he should just leave her alone, let her be and don't pursue her or it just escalates. At least until she calms down. I don't know if that's a helpful idea or not for your situation, but I feel for you because of what I see my dad go through.
I have hope that my sister and people like her will self-reflect at some point and eventually grow up enough to want to change.
Take care and keep us posted
Kaleidoscope eyes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Apparently , I have a tumour, but it is personable thank goodness and at the fr0un of my brain. oH lordy and three,s me going agnostic; I really thought i was on death's door,blerughhhh
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by KateL 
Apparently , I have a tumour, but it is personable thank goodness and at the fr0un of my brain. oH lordy and three,s me going agnostic; I really thought i was on death's door,blerughhhh
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Hey Kate, I feel your pain. I have a son in his 30's I have no contact with. He has a son he gave away, and I am in contact with the boys mother. I have never met that grandson, just seen pictures. It is hard, but after they are grown, they do what they choose. We are not to blame, nor do we have control. I have two daughter with six grandchildren between them I see a lot of. I am proud all my kids are standing on their own.. One day my son may come around. If not, I have done my best. I hope you can let go and just get on enjoying life. If you let your daughter control your emotions she has you. Hold on to you. You are a wonderful supportive person. Big hug.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by KateL
Apparently , I have a tumour, but it is personable thank goodness and at the fr0un of my brain. oH lordy and three,s me going agnostic; I really thought i was on death's door,blerughhhh
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Waco,Tx
Posts: 57
Kate, my youngest is 30, and we are estranged because I told her that until she could act like a person instead of a nightmare, I could not let her drag me back down. It's hard, but I'm still waiting for the change. She was 22 when she started her spiral. When I read your post, I hurt so much for you. You were one of the first on SR to respond to any of my posts. My prayers are with you and any parent out there suffering.
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