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Old 10-02-2007, 01:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
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"Under the Influence" - Excerpts on "Late Stage"

Chapter 7 - The Alcoholic
The Deteriorative Stage
- pages 111-116

Jack knew that something was seriously wrong. He couldn't sleep, and he was constantly nervous and tense. Any little annoyance or disruption of his routine made him irritable.

He finally agreed to see a doctor, who prescribed tranquilizers for his tension, told him he was working too hard, and advised him to slow down. But the irritability and tension persisted, and in fact, Jack began to feel worse. He stopped taking the pills because they weren't helping anymore. Alcohol worked better and faster. At least when he was drinking, he felt in control again.

He was drinking every day now, and most of the day. His wife threatened to leave him if he didn't quit drinking or get help. Finally, she filed for divorce. Everything fell apart after that. He lost his job and most of his friends. He had recurring thoughts of suicide, but they only intensified his drinking. His wife got the house, and he spent his last months in a cheap rooming house. One evening after drinking a quart of whiskey, Jack passed out with a lighted cigarette in his hand. He died in the fire.


Morning drinks become habit in the final stages of alcoholism. At first the alcoholic starts to drink in the morning to silence the withdrawal symptoms. He cannot hold a pencil without dropping it. The coffee cup shakes in his hand until he spills half the contents on his lap. His heart feels as if it would hammer right out of his chest. He is queasy, nauseated, paranoid, and terrified. He must drink if he is to stop the shakes, and he drinks in the morning before he allowed himself to see anyone; he drinks again in the car on the way to work; and he nips at the bottle in his desk until it is time to go to lunch where he throws down a few more.

Soon enough the alcoholic is not able to keep up this charade, for he too often overdrinks his tolerance and gets drunk. He can no longer choose when or where he drinks; he must drink all the time, wherever he happens to be. The ever-impending withdrawal symptoms have become so excruciating that the alcoholic is compelled to drink just to delay them. He has no choice but to drink, because alcohol is the only cure for his physical and mental torment. Loss of control is complete. The late-stage alcoholic escapes the overwhelming need to drink only when unconscious, but the blessed relief of unconsciousness is only temporary. As the alcohol is eliminated from his body, the withdrawal symptoms build up, and the alcoholic awakens to an overpowering need for a drink.

Soon there is no distinction between morning, noon, and evening; only the time of drinking and the time of unconsciousness or exhausting nausea exist. The cycle continues around the clock. Prolonged binges are now the rule, and the alcoholic drinks continuously for days or weeks until he becomes so sick that he must stop. Hospitalizations, suicide attempts, and arrests for driving while intoxicated or public drunkenness are frequent consequences of these binges.

By this time, the late-stage alcoholic has probably lost his job and is financially dependent on his family or the welfare system. His habit is expensive, but he has no money to pay for it; and so he does anything he must to get alcohol. He panhandles, borrows from his friends, steals from his wife's pocketbook, smashes his children's piggy banks. If the money situation gets too desperate, he may resort to drinking anything that contains alcohol, including vanilla extract, canned heat, shaving lotion, cough syrup, or rubbing alcohol. This practice may also land him in the emergency room or mental ward.

He begins to drink alone or with inferiors in seedy taverns or in the hallways of dilapidated rooming houses. He avoids previous haunts because he is terrified of meeting someone who might recognize him. He cannot even wind his watch or unzip his fly, and his shame locks him inside the four walls of his room, alone with his only remaining friend, alcohol. He is incapable of thinking rationally both when he is drinking and when he is in withdrawal. His attention span is short, he cannot follow a conversation, and he has difficulty speaking clearly.

Paranoia and vague fears begin to haunt the late-stage alcoholic's waking hours. The slightest noise - telephones ringing, the doorbell, a person's voice, a child's scream, a faucet dripping - makes him jump and stare wild-eyed. He is terrified of strangers and may be convinced that people are talking about him or planning to lock him up. His fears are magnified during withdrawal, and the only cure for them is more alcohol. Even alcohol, however, has lost most of its magic. Now it doesn't really make him feel good; it only eases the shakes and the pain. After just a few drinks, he is either drunk or violently ill.

Eventually the reality of what the alcoholic's life has become can no longer be ignored. The rationalizations, denials, and excuses crumble, and the alcoholic is left with the spectacle of his wasted and broken life. He may seek permanent and immediate escape from this crushing knowledge through suicide; he may fear both death and life without alcohol and so continue to drink until death puts an end to his misery; he may experience vague religious or spiritual desires, hoping for a miracle to pull him out of the mess of his life and return his sanity and self-respect; or he may begin to look for help. Tragically, help usually consists of a brief drying out period, after which the alcoholic simply returns to his old lifestyle. He may be given pills or told to report to an out-patient counseling program. With this minimum level of help and support, the late-stage alcoholic has only a slim chance of starting a recovery from his disease.

The alcoholic's addiction is now obvious to even the most casual observer. He is the classic picture of the Skid Road bum. All the family's efforts appear to have ended in failure, and failure breeds fear, frustration, and resentment. The alcoholic's spouse and children may lash back at him; screaming, hysterical battles may rock the household and destroy any remaining hope of an end to the long and bitter tragedy. The family may suddenly stop fighting and simply give up, convinced that they can only provide the alcoholic with a warm place to sleep and food to eat. Or, having lost all hope, they may pack up and leave him to his misery.

Whatever course the family takes, they are usually as emotionally sick as the alcoholic. The wife or husband may feel responsible; he or she also feels worthless, incompetent, useless, and unloved, and suffers crippling guilt and self-pity. The alcoholic's children are also battle scarred. All the solid foundations of love, security, and predictaqbility have been knocked out from underneath them, and they are frightened and torn apart with doubts and fears: "Will he die? Does he hate me? Is it my fault? Why can't I do something?"

The late-stage alcoholic is usually isolated from his friends and relatives. Social contacts have disintegrated. Neighbors lower their eyes. Relatives may be so paralyzed by anger or grief that they, too, stop trying. The alcoholic "problem" is ignored, put out of mind, locked away where it cannot hurt so much. The late-stage alcoholic is not totally alone, however, for he is in frequent contact with the caretakers of our society - the policemen, social workers, doctors, emergency room personnel, and public health nurses. These are the people who will either refer him for effective help or finally pull the sheet over his head.

Help must come fast for the late-stage alcoholic, but it must be the right kind of help. With effective intervention and treatment, even the most advanced, deathly ill alcoholic may recover. The human organism has extrordinary abilities to restore or compensate for damaged tissues. The surviving cells and regenerate, poisons can be flushed out, and the body can begin the slow process of healing itself. Most alcoholics now sober were once considered "hopeless" by the people close to them.

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will type excerpts on Chapter 6 (physical symptoms and illnesses of late stage) when I can feel my fingers again!
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somewhere distant, the hurricane still spins
he rages and destroys, and believes that he wins

but here in my world, the tempest far away
i rebuild, rejoice and move forward, in halcyon days
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Old 10-02-2007, 01:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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wow. just wow. i'm so glad i never got to that stage, and i hope i never do!!!!
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Old 10-02-2007, 03:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Morning drinks become habit in the final stages of alcoholism. At first the alcoholic starts to drink in the morning to silence the withdrawal symptoms. He cannot hold a pencil without dropping it. The coffee cup shakes in his hand until he spills half the contents on his lap. His heart feels as if it would hammer right out of his chest. He is queasy, nauseated, paranoid, and terrified. He must drink if he is to stop the shakes, and he drinks in the morning before he allowed himself to see anyone; he drinks again in the car on the way to work; and he nips at the bottle in his desk until it is time to go to lunch where he throws down a few more.
Been there, done that, sadly.
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Old 10-02-2007, 03:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The alcoholic's spouse and children may lash back at him; screaming, hysterical battles may rock the household and destroy any remaining hope of an end to the long and bitter tragedy. The family may suddenly stop fighting and simply give up, convinced that they can only provide the alcoholic with a warm place to sleep and food to eat.

The late-stage alcoholic is usually isolated from his friends and relatives. Social contacts have disintegrated. Neighbors lower their eyes. Relatives may be so paralyzed by anger or grief that they, too, stop trying. The alcoholic "problem" is ignored, put out of mind, locked away where it cannot hurt so much.
That sums up my adolescence with my mother. She was nothing but a warm body that sat around and drank all day long. From age 5 on, I remember nothing from my mother but embarassment, anxiety, and torture. If anyone who is reading this and has children, please don't ever go down that path. Not only are you crushing yourself, you will scar your children. Every hour of the day I think about my mother, about the beautiful woman that was lowered to nothing but a waste of life. I have anxiety attacks and I know she is the cause of them. Nothing else in my life would be the reason for it. My mother caused my anxiety and a reason why I started to drink heavily was to relieve anxiety. So in turn you could say my mother was part of the reason for my alcohol problem. Anyone on this site that is thinking about drinking again should print that excerpt out and post it all over their homes, in their walets, or their cars as a reminder that a bottle is not worth all of that.
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Old 10-02-2007, 04:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Morning drinks....

I got to the point of morning drinks and all day drinking on the weekends. On Friday I would be drunk before my husband got home from work because I got off early. I would get so mad on Saturday or Sunday mornings when one beer or drink would make me drunk and would have to go back to bed to sober up some so I could drink some more......Crazy....Crazy...Behavior.

When I went for help I was diagnosed as a beginning late stage alcoholic. I drank every day of the week so I never was completely free of alcohol...it reeked from my skin...I was told later. I was admitted by the director of the alcohol program on a Friday night, to the local hospital for detox. The doctor on call became my doc, several nurses shared their story of drugs & alcohol....before I left the hospital in six days....I counted 15 people that had already helped me.

The rest was up to me. I was asked to pick three AA Meetings a week to attend to see which would work best for me....I went to my first meeting the evening I got out of the hospital. I attended AA every day for one solid year and followed through with in-patient treatment & counseling for my Chronic Depression, from years gone by, at the same time. This was in 1988. I am still sober and I still take meds for my Chronic Depression. I am one of the lucky ones! I wanted sobriety more than anything else in my life and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it. I could not have done this alone...all the years I have been in AA has helped me through the ups and downs. The Serenity Prayer was my Salvation when I was able to understand the Wisdom of it. My Experience, Strength, & Hope has enabled me to help others find their way down the winding road.



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Old 10-02-2007, 04:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for all this hard work CB...

We also have a sticky post from "Under The Influence"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence")
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Old 10-02-2007, 04:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Chapter 6 - The Late Deteriorative Stage of Alcoholism - pages 81 - 94

Introduction

Once again, although the distinction betweenthe middle and late stages of alcoholism is somewhat arbitrary, it can be identified as that point at which symptoms associated with adaptation to alcohol are gradually overcome by symptoms that reflect increasing toxicity and damage to body organs and systems. The alcoholic's tolerance to alcohol is progressively lessening because of cell damage in the liver and central nervous system, and his withdrawal symptoms are increasing in severity. The late-stage alcoholic spends most of his time drinking, since otherwise his agony is excruciating.

When most people think of an alcoholic, they think of him in this final stage of the disease: destitute, deathly ill, mentally confused, and living only for alcohol. Yet his deterioration began long before this last stage, in most cases years before any physical damage became apparent. Deterioration, in fact, began in the early and middle stages of the disease, as described in chapters 4 and 5, when the alcoholic's cells adapted to alcohol, allowing it into the body in ever larger doses. It progressed gradually as the cells became physically dependent on alcohol, until finally there were so many alterations in normal functioning that the disease could no longer remain hidden and emerged full-blown.

During the late stages of alcoholism, the alcoholic's mental and physical health are seriously deteriorated. Damage to vital organs saps the alcoholic's physical strength; resistance to disease and infection is lowered; mental stability is shaken and precarious. The late-stage alcoholic is so ravaged by his disease that he cannot even understand that alcohol is destroying him. He is only aware that alcohol offers quick and miraculous relief from the constant agony, mental confusion, and emotional turmoil. Alcohol, his deadly poison, is also his necessary medicine.

If the alcoholic continues to drink, alcohol will kill him in one way or another. Estimates vary, but according to one source, one-third of alcoholic deaths are from suicides or accidents such as drownings, fires from passing out with a lighted cigarette, head injuries from falling, accidental poisoning, or car crashes. Those who survive these hazards are destroyed by direct and massive damage to body organs and systems. It is of interest that only 14 percent of the deaths actually caused by alcoholism are so labelled.

Most statistics on deaths caused by alcoholism are based on middle- and late-stage alcoholics who show some physical deterioration or damage from drinking. The early-stage alcoholic is rarely diagnosed as such, as thus death at that stage is rarely attributed to alcoholism. If early-stage alcoholics were accurately represented in alcoholism death statistics, the leading cause of death would probably be accidents or suicides rather than medical complications. The tragedy of the disease is revealed in these statistics, for alcoholics too often die of their disease before it is diagnosed.

As the disease progresses into the final stages, alcohol destroys in a scattergun approach, hitting the heart, liver, brain, stomach, lungs, kidneys and pancreas. The alcoholic dies when one specific organ stops functioning, but every vital organ suffers massive damage. The major medical consequences of alcoholic drinking include heart failure, liver disease, gastrointestinal disorders, cancer, respiratory tract disease, pancreatitis, and malnutrition.
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somewhere distant, the hurricane still spins
he rages and destroys, and believes that he wins

but here in my world, the tempest far away
i rebuild, rejoice and move forward, in halcyon days
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Old 10-02-2007, 04:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Chapter 6 - The Late Deteriorative Stage of Alcoholism - pages 81 - 94

Heart Failure

Heart failure is a major cause of death in alcoholism. High levels of alcohol and acetaldehyde apparently act directly on the cell membranes in the heart muscle (myocardium), altering their shape and functioning. Various enzymes then leak from the cells, cell mitochondria are damaged, and the cells are slowly infiltrated with fat. The symptoms of alcoholic cardiomyopathy (disease of the heart muscle) are heart palpitations and labored or difficult breathing. Neural and chemical mechanisms that regulate the heart may be overcome, and death is commonly caused by cardiac arrhythmia (abnormal variations of heart beat). High blood pressure (hypertension) is another common condition among untreated alcoholics and a contributor to heart failure.

Most alcoholic heart problems are reversible, particularly if treated in the early stages. Removing alcohol from the body and protecting the alcoholic through the acute withdrawal stage are the first priorities. If the heart muscle is extensively damaged, bed rest and dietary control may be necessary.
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Claudia

somewhere distant, the hurricane still spins
he rages and destroys, and believes that he wins

but here in my world, the tempest far away
i rebuild, rejoice and move forward, in halcyon days
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Old 10-02-2007, 04:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Chapter 6 - The Late Deteriorative Stage of Alcoholism - pages 81 - 94

Fatty Liver, Hepatitis, and Cirrhosis

The body needs fuel to continue functioning, and its major fuel sources are carbohydrates and fat. The liver is the major organ for converting these substances into energy. When alcohol is in the body, however, the liver has a choice. It can either use alcohol or the fat and carbohydrates for fuel. Because alcohol requires less time and effort to oxidize than these other sources of fuel, and the calories available from its breakdown provide a rich and potent energy "kick," the choice is quickly made. The liver uses the alcohol as a fuel, the carbohydrates are stored as glycogen or converted to fat, and the fat is kept in storage.

Thus, whenever alcohol is in the body, the liver uses it for fuel rather than the more difficult and time-consuming fat. This substitution of alcohol for fat as a fuel is not restricted to the alcoholic but, in fact, occurs in everyone who drinks a significant amount of alcohol. The nonalcoholic drinker, however, usually drinks only for short periods, with relatively long periods of abstention in between. When there is no alcohol in the body, the fat is pulled out of storage and converted by the liver into energy to fulfill the body's needs. Alcoholics, on the other hand, keep a fairly constant supply of alcohol in the liver, and as a result, fat accumulates.

Alcohol contributes to the buildup of fat in the liver in another major and potentially disastrous way. Large amounts of alcohol trigger various hormonal discharges which mobilize the fat stored and deposited in other body tissues and move it toward the liver, which must then make room to store it. Surplus fat also circulates in the blood stream as triglycerides.

As the fat accumulates, it begins to crowd the highly specialized liver cells, many of which suffiocate and die. This condition is termed fatty infiltration of the liver. As more and more liver cells are injured, the fatty deposits enlarge, causing the liver to swell. A healthy liver is normally neatly tucked away behind the rib cage on the right side and cannot be felt at all. But as the fat and swelling increase, the inflamed liver can be felt by pressing up under the bottom rib. In advanced cases, the swelling can extend down to the pelvis on the right side. The typical person with a severe case of alcoholic fatty liver has been drinking heavily for weeks or months, has no appetite, and suffers from nausea and jaundice.

In some alcoholics, large numbers of cells are sick and begin to die, and the liver becomes inflammed, swollen, and extremely tender. This condition is known as alcoholic hepatitis. The alcoholic with hepatitis is nauseated, feverish, jaundiced, and complains of abdominal pain. Both fatty liver and hepatitis are reversible with abstinence from alcohol and good nutrition to promote healing. But if the alcoholic continues to drink, so many of his liver cells may be destroyed that scar tissue begins to form, signifying the condition known as cirrhosis of the liver. Cirrhosis occurs in an estimated 8 percent of alcoholics, about seven times as often as in nonalcoholics.

A cirrhotic liver is a plugged up liver, something like a drain that is clogged. Blood cannot flow smoothly through the congested organ; it backs up and is gradually saturated with toxic materials. As the poisoned blood flow reaches the brain, the cells become poisoned and sick, profoundly affecting the alcoholic's behavior and emotions. The toxic alcoholic is confused, his thought processes jumbled and rambling, and memory and judgment muddled. Even his balance and equilibrium may be affected.

As the scar tissue in the liver accumulates and ages, it also constricts, choking the blood vessels and cutting off the blood supply to the remaining liver cells, which causes further cell death. If the alcoholic continues to drink, the combined effects of fatty liver, hepatitis, and cirrhosis have additional serious consequences. When the blood can no longer circulate freely through the congested liver, the pressure created causes the small blood vessels in the head, face, and chest to rupture, resulting in tiny, spiderlike patterns of broken blood vessels called spider angioma.

As the body's blood vessels become constricted, alternate routes to the heart must be found. One route is through the thin-walled and delicate veins of the esophagus. The increased blood flow through these veins can cause them to dilate and, like a bicycle tire blown up with too much air, rupture and hemorrhage. Bleeding from the esophageal vessels (or varices) is evident when the alcoholic vomits up fresh blood. These hemorrhages are obviously dangerous and one of the major causes of death of cirrhosis victims.

Ascites is another complication of the pressure created by a cirrhotic liver. Specifically, ascites is a symptom of pressure in the lymphatic system. When the pressure grows too great, hymph leaks out of the vessels, accumulating in the abdomen, which then swells. Ascites is sometimes mistaken for the common and relatively harmless beer belly, but a swollen stomach in a heavy drinker should be a clear warning of serious trouble in the liver.

Many other serious and sometimes fatal complications occur as a result of cirrhosis. Because so many of its cells are dead or injured, the liver's ability to detoxify poisons is greatly reduced, and potentially dangerous chemicals build up in the blood stream. One of these is ammonia, which can cause personality changes, lethargy, coma, and death. Bilirubin is another chemical which builds up in the blood when the liver is plugged up with scar tissue. This orange bile pigment is a breakdown product of hemoglobin, and its accumulation causes yellowing of the skin, or jaundice.

As liver damage progresses, other essential chemical and hormonal substances are produced at a slower rate because the liver is simply not functioning normally. Among these is prothrombin, an incredient necessary for clotting blood. As the prothrombin level decreases, the alcoholic may bruise easily and blood excessively from a small cut or scratch. He may have bleeding bums, frequent and severe nosbleeds, or bleeding under the skin. If the prothrombin levels gets too low, the alcoholic is in danger of dying from internal hemorrhage.

Up to the point of scar tissue development, the liver has extrordinary regenerative powers, and amazing transformations take place when the liver is given proper food and nutrients, rest, and no alcohol. The body slowly eliminates the accumulated fatty tissue, the liver rebuilds itself, the blood is cleansed of its impurities, and the chemical balance in the brain is gradually restored.

If the alcoholic continues to drink and if scar tissue begins to form, however, the blood vessels will be gradually choked off and the liver cells will sicken and die until the formerly mighty and complex factory of the liver is reduced to a decrepit, fragile structure clogged with poisons, wastes, and dead cells and incapable of sustaining life.

____________
next gastrointestinal
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Claudia

somewhere distant, the hurricane still spins
he rages and destroys, and believes that he wins

but here in my world, the tempest far away
i rebuild, rejoice and move forward, in halcyon days
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Old 10-02-2007, 06:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks so much for posting this. I haven't been on in awhile but I've lost two very important people in my life due to alcohol. In the midst I used insane quantities myself. It really helps to see it all in black and white (ie. print). I could never go back. Thank you...
-M
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Old 10-03-2007, 02:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thank you for posting this. When I read it, it makes me shudder at how close to the edge I was when I got to treatment. It also makes me realize how strong denial and the desire to minimize my problem can be. Even today, I'm reading along thinking "Well, sure morning drinks had become a habit and there were days where I was afraid to leave the house without one, but I could still hold a pencil so I wasn't really that bad." Yikes! That bad compared to what?!?!

Even before I was drinking almost 24/7, it's not like I didn't know that alcoholism could get this bad. I just believed it would never happen to me. I was different. Pretty much like thinking that I can jump out of a plane without a parachute and land on the ground unscratched because I am different. But hey, jumping out of a plane without a parachute would be insane...
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Old 10-03-2007, 02:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting this, I was in the early stages of what is being described here.

For me the best way I can describe where I was at when I finally quit, was the edge of the cliff..... I know for a fact that if I had drank one more month I would have gone over the edge and I am not sure how it would have ended for me, surely one of the ways most of us end our careers:

1. Incarcerated.
2. Institutionalized.
3. Dead.
4. Sober.

Great choices, thank God I chose number 4.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:19 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Thanks for the reminder...

My late stage drinking took me to the bowels of Hell. I would drink only to pass out...I did not want to FEEL life, live life...

Thankfully today I am living life and loving it...
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
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For anyone interested....

"Under The Influence"
by Milam & Ketcham

has a sequel by Ketcham.
"Beyond The Influence"

Amazon .com usually has both.
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Old 10-04-2007, 01:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
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"Well, sure morning drinks had become a habit and there were days where I was afraid to leave the house without one, but I could still hold a pencil so I wasn't really that bad."
lol.

Thanks for the hard work, typing this out and all. It helps to keep it fresh in the mind!
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:26 AM   #16 (permalink)
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advice needed

I realize thist post is years old but I came across it and wanted to ask about this part...."Help must come fast for the late-stage alcoholic, but it must be the right kind of help. With effective intervention and treatment, even the most advanced, deathly ill alcoholic may recover. The human organism has extrordinary abilities to restore or compensate for damaged tissues. The surviving cells and regenerate, poisons can be flushed out, and the body can begin the slow process of healing itself. Most alcoholics now sober were once considered "hopeless" by the people close to them."

My question is HOW to help? What is the right kind of help? We are in a state of extreme frustration dealing with an elderly alcoholic and she is most definitely late stage and suffers tremendously and is no longer living a true life and it is painfully sad yet we don't know what we can do. As this same post exceprt said, this person has become isolated from friends and relatives. We want to help, but feel, and believe we are, powerless to help. What can we do? If there is something, we will do it!
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:15 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I guess I could be described as a early to middle stage late stage. The Deteriorative Stage for sure.

She must have an honest desire to quit. Maybe you can help her get that far.

My prayers are with you, her and your family
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:33 PM   #18 (permalink)
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frances2....Welcome to SR
I am so sorry to know of this situation...

I have no personal experience to share
because I've not been where you are dealing
with a loved ones end stage alcoholism.

My guess is a medical professional needs
to be consulted.
Certainly before a de tox is to be attempted.

The sad fact is not everyone who needs help
is willing to seek it.

Prayers coming your way
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I really need to read that book, now that I have the attention-span for reading again.

It's frightening how much of that passage applied to me... I drank for less than three years, but boy did I fall far in that short amount of time.
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Old 02-22-2009, 12:31 AM   #20 (permalink)
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ordered it yesterday! at last!
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