Where I Am Now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 145
Where I Am Now
Hi,
I haven't posted here in awhile. I logged back in today to see the 'Where Were You' when you found SoberRecovery and I thought I would share.
When I found SoberRecovery, I was at the end of my 3 year relationship with my then boyfriend. He is my ex now and has been my ex for sometime. SoberRecovery was a place I came to read about other people's experiences and it also gave me insight into who I was, the situation I was in, and where I could go. It helped gave me the confidence to leave that relationship.
Looking back on it, I often feel a little traumatized. I can't believe everything that happened. To make a long story short, I was with an alcoholic for 3 years. We broke up and got back together more times than I remember. It was always the same scenario, same timeline. It was clockwork. I was extremely stubborn. I was insecure. I devoted all my time into "helping" him. I thought if I could help him, somehow that made me a better person. I thought his recovery was a positive reflection on me - the person standing by his side the whole time.
I learned a lot about myself through going to AA with him, eventually transitioning into Al-Anon and then finding SoberRecovery. I learned to admit that I am insecure. I can't change people. I can't control people. If I was going to become more confident in myself, I had to work on myself, not anyone else.
Today, I try to stay as positive as possible. I took up Crossfit for a little over a year now and I started dating again. I developed certain standards that I decided were not negotiable - to be treated with respect, I don't tolerate lying, etc. I learned not to ignore red flags, but to really think about things in terms of 'can I be around this for the rest of my life'.
I eventually met someone who I've been together with for almost a year. So far, it has been amazing. I remember the days I spent crying because I didn't think my ex cared about me. I remember constantly blaming him for my insecurities or my feeling unimportant. I remember blaming him for putting me in those tough situations like waking up at 5am to go driving around to look for him. I remember blaming him for all the money I chose to lend to him and will never see again. And through all of that, I learned from all who have helped me that I control what I allow in my life and what I don't allow in my life.
I'm often in shock by how far I have come. I remember days laying in bed, feeling like if I died, my alcoholic bf at the time would not bat an eye. I remember days wishing I was dead. I was at the bottom of the barrel. I thank that experience each day of my life that it helped me learn to love myself.
Thank you AA, Al-Anon, and SoberRecovery.
I haven't posted here in awhile. I logged back in today to see the 'Where Were You' when you found SoberRecovery and I thought I would share.
When I found SoberRecovery, I was at the end of my 3 year relationship with my then boyfriend. He is my ex now and has been my ex for sometime. SoberRecovery was a place I came to read about other people's experiences and it also gave me insight into who I was, the situation I was in, and where I could go. It helped gave me the confidence to leave that relationship.
Looking back on it, I often feel a little traumatized. I can't believe everything that happened. To make a long story short, I was with an alcoholic for 3 years. We broke up and got back together more times than I remember. It was always the same scenario, same timeline. It was clockwork. I was extremely stubborn. I was insecure. I devoted all my time into "helping" him. I thought if I could help him, somehow that made me a better person. I thought his recovery was a positive reflection on me - the person standing by his side the whole time.
I learned a lot about myself through going to AA with him, eventually transitioning into Al-Anon and then finding SoberRecovery. I learned to admit that I am insecure. I can't change people. I can't control people. If I was going to become more confident in myself, I had to work on myself, not anyone else.
Today, I try to stay as positive as possible. I took up Crossfit for a little over a year now and I started dating again. I developed certain standards that I decided were not negotiable - to be treated with respect, I don't tolerate lying, etc. I learned not to ignore red flags, but to really think about things in terms of 'can I be around this for the rest of my life'.
I eventually met someone who I've been together with for almost a year. So far, it has been amazing. I remember the days I spent crying because I didn't think my ex cared about me. I remember constantly blaming him for my insecurities or my feeling unimportant. I remember blaming him for putting me in those tough situations like waking up at 5am to go driving around to look for him. I remember blaming him for all the money I chose to lend to him and will never see again. And through all of that, I learned from all who have helped me that I control what I allow in my life and what I don't allow in my life.
I'm often in shock by how far I have come. I remember days laying in bed, feeling like if I died, my alcoholic bf at the time would not bat an eye. I remember days wishing I was dead. I was at the bottom of the barrel. I thank that experience each day of my life that it helped me learn to love myself.
Thank you AA, Al-Anon, and SoberRecovery.
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