Emma18

Where I was:

I can't remember the exact day, but I know it was sometime last year during one of my full on benders. Before my 17th birthday, I thought that I would turn a new slate as soon as the clock ticked over 30th October, 2011.

As soon as I woke up, I was back to my using self.

I didn't have a spiritual connection - in fact, everytime I came on here (I'll admit this) I scoffed at the people who were, in retrospect, lucky enough to have found their higher power. This is who I was though - full of anger and resentment at everyone who had what I could not get. Sobriety, albieit for however long it could be.

I'm not saying I am recovered - far from it. I still have days where I want to go straight back to where I left off, and hit the rock bottom that I was only just avoiding plummeting into. I'm not saying I'm fixed at all.

But now I have a group of people I can talk to. I have no doubt whatsoever that a higher power of some sort, somewhere, some how does exist, and I just have to keep on my journey to find it. I'm not saying this road will be without slip ups, or back steps, or any of those things.

I am saying though, that I am commited to recovery now. Where before I wanted to quit but still wanted my old life, now the very though steers me away.

Thanks guys, for always having time for a kid trying to help themselves.

Marjoram

Very good post, Emma. Thanks!

blueshades

I'm glad to read that you're in a better place, Emma. We all have a long way to go!

bbthumper

I know its cliche, but its true. It is the Journey that matters more than the destination.

God Bless!