Living up to ,'my high standards?'
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Living up to ,'my high standards?'
Reflecting on the contents of emails shared with a friend over the past few days, I was reminded of a comment made on my first staff appraisal, after a year as a newly promoted police sergeant by my sub-divisional commander, a grizzled old veteran, who wrote,
'Sergeant (anonymous), is a man who sets high standards for himself, and expects others to live up to them.'
I'm the first to admit I was then, in the early days of my burgeoning alcoholism.
At the time I took this as a great compliment, little realising that it was also to become part of my greatest failing, and as things turned out, my greatest success!
Now, the sobriety calendar tells me I've been sober, 1444 days, I recall that given my two failed marriages, one in sobriety, providing three children, one I raised myself, all doing very well, thank you. Four professional careers. The only four people who, 'lived up to my high standards', where my beloved grandparents, who played a large part in my early years. My late mother, who , drunk or sober, was always my best friend and my son, who I raised myself, from when he was 10 years old, now a university educated, professional musician and father to my grandson, whose existence I regard as one of the great blessings of my life in sobriety.
I won't go into the ,'whys, and wherefores' of my alcoholism, and it's effect on my life, we've all been there so I'm just repeating what, in recovery, we already know.
Bottom line, I was a drunk, for over 30 years!
Setting those aside, who I've already mentioned, the only other prescence in my life who,'lived up to my high standards?', was the god of my understanding. Who on that night, 1444 days ago, when I was alone and so debilitated by alcohol that I could only crawl on my belly to my bed, where I lay,frightened, crying, praying and pleading for my alcoholism to be taken from me, in quite genuine fear that I wouldn't live to see the morning light. Did just that!
The lesson in this, for me is that, in sobriety, I still continue to live up to ,'my high standards' but they're no longer mine, they're set by the god of my understanding, and learnt in my attempts, done on a daily basis, to make spiritual progress.
'Sergeant (anonymous), is a man who sets high standards for himself, and expects others to live up to them.'
I'm the first to admit I was then, in the early days of my burgeoning alcoholism.
At the time I took this as a great compliment, little realising that it was also to become part of my greatest failing, and as things turned out, my greatest success!
Now, the sobriety calendar tells me I've been sober, 1444 days, I recall that given my two failed marriages, one in sobriety, providing three children, one I raised myself, all doing very well, thank you. Four professional careers. The only four people who, 'lived up to my high standards', where my beloved grandparents, who played a large part in my early years. My late mother, who , drunk or sober, was always my best friend and my son, who I raised myself, from when he was 10 years old, now a university educated, professional musician and father to my grandson, whose existence I regard as one of the great blessings of my life in sobriety.
I won't go into the ,'whys, and wherefores' of my alcoholism, and it's effect on my life, we've all been there so I'm just repeating what, in recovery, we already know.
Bottom line, I was a drunk, for over 30 years!
Setting those aside, who I've already mentioned, the only other prescence in my life who,'lived up to my high standards?', was the god of my understanding. Who on that night, 1444 days ago, when I was alone and so debilitated by alcohol that I could only crawl on my belly to my bed, where I lay,frightened, crying, praying and pleading for my alcoholism to be taken from me, in quite genuine fear that I wouldn't live to see the morning light. Did just that!
The lesson in this, for me is that, in sobriety, I still continue to live up to ,'my high standards' but they're no longer mine, they're set by the god of my understanding, and learnt in my attempts, done on a daily basis, to make spiritual progress.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 133
A very nice sharing. I was touched by your story and was also reflecting myself about when I was drunk. I remembered when the time of being drunk, I lost both my wife and kids. They left me behind cause of what I always do and that they cannot live it with anymore.
And as I change, they saw it and realize I deserve probably a second chance. And they were right. I deserved it. I was able to get them back in my life, living together again in sober ways. I am happy - and that I will never get back to the old me and will use it as a lesson to teach my future sons and daughters or grandsons and granddaughters.
And as I change, they saw it and realize I deserve probably a second chance. And they were right. I deserved it. I was able to get them back in my life, living together again in sober ways. I am happy - and that I will never get back to the old me and will use it as a lesson to teach my future sons and daughters or grandsons and granddaughters.
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