Actions and Reactions
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Actions and Reactions
You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action not reaction.
--Rita Mae Brown
All men in recovery confront their reactive habits in relationships. Whether we came to recovery as a codependent or as an addict, we soon must face how much other people's behavior has been a cue for our own reactions. There is always a three-part process in any reactionfirst, the other person's behavior; second, a moment of choosing a response; and third, our reaction. But in our spiritual slavery, we don't notice the choice stage. It feels automatic. It may feel as though "the other person made me do it."
No amount of changing on someone else's part can change us. We are becoming more responsible for our own lives and for our own behavior regardless of others around us. There is liberation in noticing the choice stage. It is tough to follow through on our choices, but when we do, it is truly a sign of a grown man. Then a remarkable thing happens - our self-esteem rises.
Today, I will pause to notice the choices I have in the moment between someone's action and my reaction.
A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action not reaction.
--Rita Mae Brown
All men in recovery confront their reactive habits in relationships. Whether we came to recovery as a codependent or as an addict, we soon must face how much other people's behavior has been a cue for our own reactions. There is always a three-part process in any reactionfirst, the other person's behavior; second, a moment of choosing a response; and third, our reaction. But in our spiritual slavery, we don't notice the choice stage. It feels automatic. It may feel as though "the other person made me do it."
No amount of changing on someone else's part can change us. We are becoming more responsible for our own lives and for our own behavior regardless of others around us. There is liberation in noticing the choice stage. It is tough to follow through on our choices, but when we do, it is truly a sign of a grown man. Then a remarkable thing happens - our self-esteem rises.
Today, I will pause to notice the choices I have in the moment between someone's action and my reaction.
I bite.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 498
No amount of changing on someone else's part can change us. We are becoming more responsible for our own lives and for our own behavior regardless of others around us. There is liberation in noticing the choice stage. It is tough to follow through on our choices, but when we do, it is truly a sign of a grown man. Then a remarkable thing happens - our self-esteem rises.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Good to see you Grimnar 
Blind faith has led me many times and each time I have had no regrets. Just trusting that things are as they should be and that life is unfolding as intended helps me go with the flow and find my own resting spots along the way.
Blind faith has led me many times and each time I have had no regrets. Just trusting that things are as they should be and that life is unfolding as intended helps me go with the flow and find my own resting spots along the way.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
There is liberation in noticing the choice stage. It is tough to follow through on our choices, but when we do, it is truly a sign of a grown man. Then a remarkable thing happens - our self-esteem rises.
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