Cant shake the guilt
((( ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY )))
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: manchester connecticut
Posts: 106
Cant shake the guilt
Good morning everyone,
Im sure everyone is guilty of doing something in there life that there not very proud of, but mine was a doooozy. Ill stick to the short version partly because everytime I even think about it, Im reduced to tears. On christmas eve of 2003 I left my home with good intentions.( To do some last minute christmas shopping) A pocket full of money and everything in ten dollar incriments, I started partying, leaving my husband and three year old son alone until christmas morning when I decided to hobble home. To say the least, I broke everyones heart and saw my husbands spirit just disappear.Not too much longer after that, I made the decision to take my life back. So much damage was done. Thankfully with alot of therapy and apoligies everyone forgave me. Its been a crazy ride, alot of work, but all worth it.
Now here it is christmas again and I am so depressed. I cannot shake the guilt no matter what I do. I just want this feeling to go away. If anyone has any advice please let me in on it. Thanks, Jennifer
Im sure everyone is guilty of doing something in there life that there not very proud of, but mine was a doooozy. Ill stick to the short version partly because everytime I even think about it, Im reduced to tears. On christmas eve of 2003 I left my home with good intentions.( To do some last minute christmas shopping) A pocket full of money and everything in ten dollar incriments, I started partying, leaving my husband and three year old son alone until christmas morning when I decided to hobble home. To say the least, I broke everyones heart and saw my husbands spirit just disappear.Not too much longer after that, I made the decision to take my life back. So much damage was done. Thankfully with alot of therapy and apoligies everyone forgave me. Its been a crazy ride, alot of work, but all worth it.
Now here it is christmas again and I am so depressed. I cannot shake the guilt no matter what I do. I just want this feeling to go away. If anyone has any advice please let me in on it. Thanks, Jennifer
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Now is the time to shine
Okay here is how I see it and I don't even know you.
I'm thankful that you are clean, I'm thankful that you have grown and changed and that you are really trying to take back your life ... I am thankful that last Christmas through the haze you were able to see your husbands spirit just go away to see the hurt your behavior caused. I am grateful that it touched you in a manner that made a difference.
You are looking at the negative and I don't think you can see the positive side.
This Christmas you can be thankful and grateful as will your husband as he celebrates the holiday season with his wife who isn't out using and is at home participating in the festivities.
No repeat performances of last year. Make this year count. If you keep it together and focus on having a wonderful Christmas this year ... I'm sure that would be what your hubby and child would want and need from you. Not to have you beat yourself up for last Christmas and to have you end up living in the past and not the present ...
Live for today ... and if today you are clean and sober ... that is what matters ... You need to work past this ... because there are always going to be more Christmases and either you can live them in guilt or gratitude ... but your family and yourself will have a much better memory of the holidays if you stay in the now and not the then.
This is a whole other Christmas ... You have a whole new chance this year ... at making it a special, memorable one that has no guilt ...
Don't let last years behavior ruin this years chance ... This is your cue girl ... Shine Shine Shine
****{Hugs}}}
Passion
I'm thankful that you are clean, I'm thankful that you have grown and changed and that you are really trying to take back your life ... I am thankful that last Christmas through the haze you were able to see your husbands spirit just go away to see the hurt your behavior caused. I am grateful that it touched you in a manner that made a difference.
You are looking at the negative and I don't think you can see the positive side.
This Christmas you can be thankful and grateful as will your husband as he celebrates the holiday season with his wife who isn't out using and is at home participating in the festivities.
No repeat performances of last year. Make this year count. If you keep it together and focus on having a wonderful Christmas this year ... I'm sure that would be what your hubby and child would want and need from you. Not to have you beat yourself up for last Christmas and to have you end up living in the past and not the present ...
Live for today ... and if today you are clean and sober ... that is what matters ... You need to work past this ... because there are always going to be more Christmases and either you can live them in guilt or gratitude ... but your family and yourself will have a much better memory of the holidays if you stay in the now and not the then.
This is a whole other Christmas ... You have a whole new chance this year ... at making it a special, memorable one that has no guilt ...
Don't let last years behavior ruin this years chance ... This is your cue girl ... Shine Shine Shine
****{Hugs}}}
Passion
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