wantneeda

i don't where to put this post
i don't want to be here saying this
i gotta be honest
i'm on day 2 today
i fell
i'm having a hard time dealing with my actions
my daughter knows, she cried
after all i went through, lost, put my girls and my family through, i can't believe i would risk it all again
all that time i had
the 9th would, ya, would have been 15 months
i can't stop the tears
i need you guys right now

best

Take the lesson learned, dust off and continue on your recovery.

Good to see you have already started the recovery. Glad you came back and posted. Now lets keep things this way. Use the steps and stay the course.

quercusalba

Oh, beautiful woman - please do not let this end what you have accomplished. You have done so much, so much for yourself, and so much for me. You have been a very positive voice, and you will continue to be. Take hold of what you really are - and what you really are is strength and goodness and determination. And go with that. I know how you are feeling now, I have been there so many times myself.

You will be ok. I know it.

love,
anne

Doug

Do you feel a little better getting it out? I always did, and I was always much harder on myself about it than anybody else was.

Day 2? Congratulations! I'm glad your here. Still.

pearl

You are a woman of tremendous strength. Keep moving forward.

Love Pearl

wantneeda

thankyou
the reasons for my slip(s).ya i've drank 5 times or so now in the last few weeks.
i just wanted to drink, dang it.i missed the feeling, the escape. And i guess, my old boyfriend had something to do with it. But the bottom line is i'm responsible for my own skin, my own actions.
Anne, you say to take hold of what i really am...i'm a drug addicted alcoholic. Thats what i am. I know thats not all that i am, but ...it took over, and while i was doing it, i liked it. I don't today though. I'm ashamed of myself.
yes, Doug, i do feel better, now that it is out in the open. I just finished an e-mail to my sponsor, telling her about it. We don't seem to cross paths very much, she works during the day, and i work the evenings, its not working out to well
the buses are on strike here, i can't get to a daytime meeting even. So i'll be here, USING you guys and gals as much as i can.
Really i think this was coming for a longer time that i care to realize, till now.
ya, my relapse started way before i picked up the first one.
its so easy to say, don't be hard on yourself, i've said it to others so many times!!!
i've also said, get back on the horse...
but you're so right Doug, i am hardest on myself, and my own worst enemy.
the crappy thing is though??? that i enjoyed almost every minute of it.........
i think i did because i knew i'd have to get back to recovery. Does that make sense??
ya Wendy, go rationalize and justify some more.oh brother, i am sick!!

wantneeda

what i don't understand is...if i don't give myself shite for my behavior who will??
is saying get over it, move on, forgive yourself.....saying its'; ok?? if i forgive myself, am i saying it's ok??
\

Time4Change

(((((Wantneeda))))

Dan

What's the difference, Wendy?
It's not like you can undrink, right?
Are you safe today? Find a meeting if you're not.
And welcome back.

CarolD

Hi Wendy....Congratulations on coming back.

Geez! get a grip.
You did not kill anyone or committ treason.


Blessings...

CAPTAINZING2000

Wendy,

takes a woman to come back in here and tell that


Hugs

We get up Wed. we all start with the same 24 hours

Can't tell you how much you've picked me up when, I've been down

we're all here for you

hugs

Chris

cwohio

awww wendy -give yourself a break! you are aware, posting here, taking action! give yourself credit girlfriend! you supported this codie when i have needed it - i'm here for you too!

hugs - christie

indigo

Wendy why not come back? If you have a drink and regret it then forget it. Start again you know how. Be kind to yourself.


indigo

Ann

Wendy, you didn't lose 15 months, you had 15 months to put together enough recovery to get you back here today, yes?

Yesterday is gone, we cannot undo it or change a minute of it. You can just learn from it and grow in your recovery.

I see a lady who found the strength to come back and the wisdom to reach out. You sound like a winner to me, and I don't beat up winners.

Hugs
Ann

Don W

wantneeda, As others have mentioned, we must move on from a failed attempt at recovery. You've got to put your efforts in perspective. You've got 2 simple choices. To try or not try. Already you've made the best one. Score 1 for you. Your already asking for help, score 1 for you. You've already expressed a desire to improve, score another for you. Sometimes, we forget to look at the points we are racking up. I feel that I practice recovery. To drink is a very normal thing for us. It becomes a coping skill. We have to learn new coping skills. Posting here, a support group etc. will help with these needed skills. The biggest thing is to give yourself a chance. The odds of never drinking again after the first try are great. The odds of trying agian are also great. You've beat those odds, so stop beating yourself. We are here, you are here, together we can move forward. We won't leave you behind if you fall. Don W

wantneeda

((((SR))))
i really love you , i thank you for your words
ok, i'm done beating myself up
you are so right Ann, if i didn't have a foundation of a good kind i wouldn't have been able to try to get back on my feet. thank you for that. Now i gotta reinforce my foundation i guess. Make it stronger than it was.
Ms B....i think you hit the nail on the head there...i grew up with only getting attention when i WAS a bad girl. So those scoldings i am used to. Still trying to grow up here i guess. And yes, definitely wasted energy.
Getting a grip here Carol, thanks for your blessing.
thanks for your hugs Time4change, back atcha
no Dan,...i can't undrink. thanks for being here
and Chris, and Christie....i always smile when i get your hugs!!! I am so thankful, grateful you are here to share the journey.
ok Indy, i did it, i drank, can't change it. and yes i do know how, thanks for the reminder!
Don, today i'm trying!!!!!
back in the light today friends.
my sponsor called me at work tonight, said she seen it coming. I was hanging around with an old playmate, and even though i had a year, it was only a year. Guess i wasn't as strong as i thought i was. My daughter told me today that i looked like i had been partying for three days, even though it was only one....and even on day 2 i was still hung over, feeling like crap!! So true that one goes back to where they left off.
I made it back this time, today i don't want to find out if i'll make it back again. I want to live, and i want to live smilin'
many hugs and thanks for your support. I'm so glad i'm not alone in this battle
Wendy

best

Good for you in seeing the light of truth.

Saves me from offering a spanking and wondering who would enjoy it more *grin**LOL*

It is so wonderful to see people get back on their feet. Enjoy this new day.

wantneeda

thanks Stormy,
my disease really wanted me to keep quiet too believe me!!!!
but i needed to be honest, for my own sanity.
wants and needs...thats how i chose my name. I don't care how much my disease WANTS me to drink, I NEED to stay sober today.
oh Best.....lol, i needed a laugh!!! If i ever need a spanking, you'll be the first to know

Millwallj

Keep your head up. Everything can be learned from Wantneeda. It may even make you stronger.

I feel for you pal, I really do.

But congrats on 2 days sobriety!!!!!

BSPGirl

I'm glad you quit beating yourself up, no use in that. Take care and enjoy your day. In my honest opinion you're not back at square 1 now but it'll take ages to explain my whole theory about slips and relapses and etc.