OrionMetaphor

I have a friend who is in recovery and I have been so involved in his recovery that I forgot about my own. I have a tendancy to try and save people from themselves and it always ends up with me feeling exhausted and empty. I am constantly concerned with the choices and paths of my friends, meanwhile neglecting my own. This usually leads to me trying to control and manipulate others with the idea that "I know what's best..." when in reality, I can't even control my own life. I am so frustrated that I cannot help people without becoming too involved in their life, and almost obsessing about them and their situations. I don't know if I made any sense, but if anyone has any advice, please share.

Thanks,

With Love
Darin

best

Was just warned about that in my course I am taking. The pitfalls or dangers when we try helping others, I have found only one way to deal with it.
With understanding that we can't change others, we can only be there as a support with info when they are ready to accept it.
Till that time... pray and give it to God.

Josie

Darin,

Sounds like you have that dreadful "codependent"
disease.

Come on over to the Alanon and Naranon websites
and take a look around. They have some great
sticky's at the top of the forums and
give you a little insight on what this is all
about.

We will welcome you with open arms as well!

Hugs,

nutz

Makes a lot of sense to me.
We're sick.lol ...that's what we do.
Better yet...if we recognize it, it's growth.
The process....hOly..Scmoly.
Don't take me the wrong way, it's funni becuase I do the samething.lmaf
I have to laugh at myself, otherwise I'll get too seriouse and
wanna hang myself for making mistakes or being who I am.
Mistakes are a part of learning and growth process.
I learn from mistakes, so....mistake are actually good.
But doing the samething over and over again..tha'll Be INSANITY.lol
But at least i wasn't the first.lol
I guess , I wasn't the last.

In chapter 16 of the AA book.
He said....t...t...t...
" the more I worked with her (wife) , the sicker she got"
"but when the steel door slamed shut (mental ward),
Max (wife) was the one that went home" lmaf

it even say
" it's not that I don't care, it's that I care TOO MUCH"

Andy F

If my wife has a headache I will drive an hour at 3am to get her some tablets. If shes ill in bed with flu I will routinely give her every medicine available at the appropriate hour, I'll insist she eats the specially prepared food I've made, blah, blah, etc. I am overboard in efficiency. I don't know why I'm like that. It exceeds love or caring, it meets a need of my own, but I can't quite work it out. The obvious response is that feeling this needed is overcompensation for a lack of intrinsicly derived self-esteem. It's not a hanging offence. I am careful not to make being ill or hurt attractive to others, particularly young children.

A similar principle applies in meetings. I usually find myself forcibly not trying to sort someones beliefs and confusions out for them, trying to just listen and prompt them to answer their own questions. What a challenge!

Thanks for a great subject.

LPC

I think they call it compulsive helping.....there is a fellowship called "Helpers Anonymous"

nutz

that's funni andy..
I walked miles in a snow strom at 2 a.m for my pregnant wife.
The damn road where closed.
she wanted an orange....lord almighty a pregnant woman that wants.
Holy scheit , i found out there was
a differents between an orange and a tangerine when I got home.

I found out recently. I'm between a helper and a loyalist.
which is not a bad trait to have..but you know.

Being a loyalist I would stand by your side thur thick and thin.
Will.....you would have to go thur thick and thin lots living with me.lmaf

Being a helper , i would help you when you're in trouble.
Will.....you would be going though lots of trouble al de time with me.lol

Andy F

lmao.



In my case, I have acknowledged that I derive what I think is genuine satisfaction from being helpful, but my excesses are really self-serving and not helpful at all.

That's partly why I won't sponser anyone. If I really want to help people then I learn to get my own intrinsic self-esteem and be an example and help them get theirs. Sometimes its good to just listen to people in meetings and not advise them.

Ann

I swear that my next husband is going to be the codiest person I can find.

I've spent my life "fixing" it for everyone else, and next time around I am going to just sit back and let everyone else fix my life.

Hugs
Ann

best

Won't work Ann
Would cause fights.
NO! it is my turn to be nice, you were nice yesterday

*LOL*

Ann

I swear Best, that you'd get no argument from me, just go ahead and wait on me hand and foot. You want another turn? Why certainly!!

A Mel Gibson lookalike whose first thought each day will be "what can I do today to make HER happy?" and whose last thought each night will be "Did I do enough?"

Hugs
Ann